Antisocial?

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There comes a point when I just can't do it anymore. Do what? Talk. I may give the impression that I'm a social person. I'm not, not in the truest sense anyway. I like people and I enjoy hanging out. Until I don't. My 'quota' gets filled and I'm done. Done done, as in 'not going to answer the phone' or 'go out for a drink' done. In these moments, I'm perfectly content to text. Until I'm not. At some point all my words and my complete ability to be social disappear and I'm left happily silent.

I love silence, even crave it. I don't mind hearing the wind in the trees or my dogs chewing on their bones. That to me is it's own kind of silence. In a way it's peaceful. Mostly, I think because I can't hear anyone speaking. As I said before, I get to a point when I don't want words or conversation, whether I'm directly involved, over hearing it, or watching it on TV.

To say I have no patience is probably an understatement. To say I piss a few people off with all this is probably an understatement. I don't care partly because I really don't care and partly because I have exhaustion induced apathy. You see, I come across as this happy, vibrant person who loves people. On some level I am, but I defy ANYONE to do my job and not get tired of speaking and listening and liking people.

I'm currently on Day 8 of 8 at work (Day 1 of 12 begins Monday). 'Beck and call' is a great way to describe my job. People need me an I do my best to placate their needs. Day in day out. I'm good with that and I love my job. I absolutely, positively love it and if I have to give up some of the social part of my personal life to maintain my sanity, so be it. I don't consider it a sacrifice. If my friends don't get it, I don't care.

Invariably, my life settles down at work and I find a few words left at the end of a day for socializing. Things return to some semblance of normal and I get reacquainted with my friends.

So no, I'm not antisocial. I just have a quota and I'm selective with how I fill it. Work takes up 95% or more and a few people of my choosing get the rest. Via text. God help me, but I've got nothing left for a phone conversation at this point.

The moral of the story? If my quota is full and I'm out of words, I might text you back or I might not. It's probably nothing personal. Probably.

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