A Pompous Bitch with a God-Complex
"Only monks feel comfortable in the presence of God. And even they have the sense to bow."
That was a text a friend sent me in the middle of a "conversation" regarding why women like me then suddenly run away. It's true they do. Don't placate me like most of my friends do. Here's the situation. I kinda like someone. They kinda like me. We talk, text, and finally get together. We have a great time together. We talk, text, and maybe get together again. We have a great time. I let them tell me where they want our 'relationship' to go. I think it over for a quick second and agree to follow their lead. We talk, text, and never get back together again. At this point, they stop and go back to whatever it is they were doing before me. I'm left holding an illusion. Ok, if this happened once, I'd be cool. But twice, three times, four times? Yeah, the common denominator is me, Kids. Not the women I choose. So, before it happens again, I decided to try to get to the bottom of it. I asked key friends; many of whom were no help. Until Thursday night. I found the right duet of friends and, as I drove South of I-35, I texted both of them. I learned a lot about myself and how others see me.
I'm not going to hold back the conclusion. We might as well start there. I'm a pompous bitch with a God-complex. So what was my response to the above text about monks and God? "I bow to no one. I do have high expectations but lots of forgiveness." Her next text? "That's my point. You were God in that example, not the monk. We are the monks". She went on to tell me that when people interact with me they feel they have to bring their 'A game'. When I said that I am no better than anyone, she replied that my language suggests that I think I am. This is when I took on the label of 'pompous bitch'. Add that to my supposed God-complex and you get a pompous bitch with a God-complex. It's easy math and, unfortunately, it's me.
I'm all about self-discovery and I always want to be better than I am. However, in this case, I think I am being misunderstood. I am highly evolved, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. By virtue of that, I must hold myself to a higher standard. My behavior, my speech, and my interactions with others must be above reproach. I must always treat myself and others with respect, honesty, fairness, and love. This is my accountability. We are all One with God, whether we are evolved or not, so everyone deserves to be understood and treated well. I try very hard to do this. And also I try very hard to encourage others to do this as well. Assuredly, that doesn't always happen. People do what they do and they don't always treat others with respect, honesty, fairness, and love. That is their choice, as frustrating as it may seem. I always rationalize it this way (so I can retain my faith in people and in God)... Everyone does the best they can with what they have to work with. Some aren't as evolved as others so there must be forgiveness in the world.
Ok, given that... How am I a pompous bitch with a God-complex? Why does one have to bring their 'A game'? I just don't get it. I love everyone, even many that I probably shouldn't (too many, my friends would say). I enjoy getting to know people, their path, and their evolution. There is something cool and worthy in everyone I meet. Maybe the problem is that as I'm getting to know them and how they see the world, they are getting to know me and how I see the world. I have very definite thoughts, ideas, and opinions. I imagine that might be scary for someone who is less evolved and less sure of their place in eternity. Because I know who I am, I guess they think I'm going to ditch them when I figure out that they don't have a clue who they are. I am one of the 2%. I am evolved. I am lucky. Um, news flash - this means that I assume everyone I meet is part of the 98% who have no idea who they are or where their path leads. Therefore I do not have the same expectations for them as I do myself. This is why I am so forgiving (too forgiving, many of my friends would say) and tolerant (too tolerant, many of my friends would say). Trust me on this one, it takes a lot to get kicked out of my life. A LOT.
Unfortunately, they choose to run before they ever find out just how forgiving and open I am. That's on them, I think. They get scared. I don't scare them. What's funny is that they assure me over and over again that they are different, that they won't be scared off. It's kind of funny because one of the friends in this discussion made that great statement once upon a time. I remember laughing and saying to myself, "we'll see". Well, we did see. She talked a good game, but in the end she couldn't hang. Too bad, too. I thought she had great potential. She seemed evolved and fearless. I guess not. She ran off quicker than most.
My existance in the world comes down to one statement... I want to love and be loved in return. I am a good person and I love well. Very well, in fact (too well, many of my friends would say). I probably could change and make myself 'easier' for the less evolved to be with. Which brings us to the very last texts that were sent Thursday evening. I asked, "So, do I need to change, does the world need to change, or do I need to find a different world?" The response? "You should stay just like you are". My final reply, "Good choice. I wasn't planning to change." And that's the honest truth. I will never change. I am who I am. I am a good person who is respectful, honest, fair, and loving. Why would I ever need to change that? If the world can't hang, so be it. Someday, somewhere I'm going to meet someone who has the courage to rise up and meet me. They're going to have to because I'm not going to bow to anyone.
That was a text a friend sent me in the middle of a "conversation" regarding why women like me then suddenly run away. It's true they do. Don't placate me like most of my friends do. Here's the situation. I kinda like someone. They kinda like me. We talk, text, and finally get together. We have a great time together. We talk, text, and maybe get together again. We have a great time. I let them tell me where they want our 'relationship' to go. I think it over for a quick second and agree to follow their lead. We talk, text, and never get back together again. At this point, they stop and go back to whatever it is they were doing before me. I'm left holding an illusion. Ok, if this happened once, I'd be cool. But twice, three times, four times? Yeah, the common denominator is me, Kids. Not the women I choose. So, before it happens again, I decided to try to get to the bottom of it. I asked key friends; many of whom were no help. Until Thursday night. I found the right duet of friends and, as I drove South of I-35, I texted both of them. I learned a lot about myself and how others see me.
I'm not going to hold back the conclusion. We might as well start there. I'm a pompous bitch with a God-complex. So what was my response to the above text about monks and God? "I bow to no one. I do have high expectations but lots of forgiveness." Her next text? "That's my point. You were God in that example, not the monk. We are the monks". She went on to tell me that when people interact with me they feel they have to bring their 'A game'. When I said that I am no better than anyone, she replied that my language suggests that I think I am. This is when I took on the label of 'pompous bitch'. Add that to my supposed God-complex and you get a pompous bitch with a God-complex. It's easy math and, unfortunately, it's me.
I'm all about self-discovery and I always want to be better than I am. However, in this case, I think I am being misunderstood. I am highly evolved, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. By virtue of that, I must hold myself to a higher standard. My behavior, my speech, and my interactions with others must be above reproach. I must always treat myself and others with respect, honesty, fairness, and love. This is my accountability. We are all One with God, whether we are evolved or not, so everyone deserves to be understood and treated well. I try very hard to do this. And also I try very hard to encourage others to do this as well. Assuredly, that doesn't always happen. People do what they do and they don't always treat others with respect, honesty, fairness, and love. That is their choice, as frustrating as it may seem. I always rationalize it this way (so I can retain my faith in people and in God)... Everyone does the best they can with what they have to work with. Some aren't as evolved as others so there must be forgiveness in the world.
Ok, given that... How am I a pompous bitch with a God-complex? Why does one have to bring their 'A game'? I just don't get it. I love everyone, even many that I probably shouldn't (too many, my friends would say). I enjoy getting to know people, their path, and their evolution. There is something cool and worthy in everyone I meet. Maybe the problem is that as I'm getting to know them and how they see the world, they are getting to know me and how I see the world. I have very definite thoughts, ideas, and opinions. I imagine that might be scary for someone who is less evolved and less sure of their place in eternity. Because I know who I am, I guess they think I'm going to ditch them when I figure out that they don't have a clue who they are. I am one of the 2%. I am evolved. I am lucky. Um, news flash - this means that I assume everyone I meet is part of the 98% who have no idea who they are or where their path leads. Therefore I do not have the same expectations for them as I do myself. This is why I am so forgiving (too forgiving, many of my friends would say) and tolerant (too tolerant, many of my friends would say). Trust me on this one, it takes a lot to get kicked out of my life. A LOT.
Unfortunately, they choose to run before they ever find out just how forgiving and open I am. That's on them, I think. They get scared. I don't scare them. What's funny is that they assure me over and over again that they are different, that they won't be scared off. It's kind of funny because one of the friends in this discussion made that great statement once upon a time. I remember laughing and saying to myself, "we'll see". Well, we did see. She talked a good game, but in the end she couldn't hang. Too bad, too. I thought she had great potential. She seemed evolved and fearless. I guess not. She ran off quicker than most.
My existance in the world comes down to one statement... I want to love and be loved in return. I am a good person and I love well. Very well, in fact (too well, many of my friends would say). I probably could change and make myself 'easier' for the less evolved to be with. Which brings us to the very last texts that were sent Thursday evening. I asked, "So, do I need to change, does the world need to change, or do I need to find a different world?" The response? "You should stay just like you are". My final reply, "Good choice. I wasn't planning to change." And that's the honest truth. I will never change. I am who I am. I am a good person who is respectful, honest, fair, and loving. Why would I ever need to change that? If the world can't hang, so be it. Someday, somewhere I'm going to meet someone who has the courage to rise up and meet me. They're going to have to because I'm not going to bow to anyone.
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