Guilt Free
I guarantee you most people would say I should feel guilty. It's a damn shame I don't. I honestly wish I'd done more so maybe I could feel guilty. Sadly, I spent too much of the very limited time I had talking. Talking. Fuck me. Shut up, Stacee. I assure you when the opportunity arises again (and I will make damn sure that it does), I'm going to put myself in the position to feel extremely guilty. Kissing someone's wife is one thing (that apparently doesn't produce much guilt in me), but going farther? Yeah, that miiiight do the trick. After all, there's a first for everything. God knows, I've made a career out of "being with" (let's call it that) married and otherwise involved women (I'll do the math for you in a minute), but I have never once felt an ounce of guilt.
Oh, I've been judged. As recently as last night. Everyone blames me for crossing lines. I want it on the record ONE MORE TIME that I have never crossed a line. THEY cross it, not me. I create an opportunity (such as, "hey, you wanna hang out for a few minutes before you have to pick up your kids?") and they invariably take advantage. I would also like it on the record ONE MORE TIME that I don't start things. They do. They flirt and make it very clear what they might like to have. And they do this with a KNOWN LESBIAN. Yet somehow it's my fault? Hello, a hot woman approaches you with an "idea" and you're going to turn her down because SHE's married and shouldn't "be with" anyone outside her marriage? Yeah, right. I'm not stupid and I am most certainly not a prude. If I get an offer and I think it might be fun, I jump on it. I create an opportunity for them to follow-through and then leave it up to them. I've never been turned down.
A friend yesterday said that I seem to prefer married/involved women, especially the ones with kids. To a certain extent she's right. It's a fact that these are the women I usually end up with. That's about access and opportunity. I can't remember the last time an available woman (that I was attracted to) approached me. I take what I can get. And more often than not, it's a married/involved woman. With kids. I can't say it's totally by my choice. I would like a nice, attractive, single woman, but they are apparently few and far between in my world. If I do the math, which I did last night, it's been two years since I've "been with" a woman who was not married or otherwise involved. In fact, over the past five years, I've "been with" just two women who were single when we met. Go ahead and judge me if you want. Everyone else does.
I don't feel the need to justify my actions, nor do I plan to list off a bunch of rationalizations. I'm not ashamed and I feel absolutely no need to apologize. I have said it may times - I am responsible for MY morality, not theirs. I'm single and can "be with" whomever I choose. While I choose not to cheat on my partners, I have no problem "being with" someone who does. That's on them, not me. Given that I have no illusions of anything permanent, I don't have to worry about whether I trust them or not. It's not a factor in our "relationship". It is what it is for as long as it lasts. Which usually isn't very long.
In case I have left a ray of doubt in anyone's mind, I want it on the record ONE MORE TIME. I do what I do and I plan to keep doing it. I'm going to continue "being with" married and otherwise unavailable women. If they approach me and I want to take them up on their offer, I'm going to do it. No question. In fact, if I was still in Texarkana, I might be doing it right now. I got a small taste of something that might be a whole lot of fun. The next time I go that way, I just might create an opportunity and see what she does with it. She may end up feeling guilty, but I know I won't. Never have and most likely I never will. Judge me. I don't give a damn.
Oh, I've been judged. As recently as last night. Everyone blames me for crossing lines. I want it on the record ONE MORE TIME that I have never crossed a line. THEY cross it, not me. I create an opportunity (such as, "hey, you wanna hang out for a few minutes before you have to pick up your kids?") and they invariably take advantage. I would also like it on the record ONE MORE TIME that I don't start things. They do. They flirt and make it very clear what they might like to have. And they do this with a KNOWN LESBIAN. Yet somehow it's my fault? Hello, a hot woman approaches you with an "idea" and you're going to turn her down because SHE's married and shouldn't "be with" anyone outside her marriage? Yeah, right. I'm not stupid and I am most certainly not a prude. If I get an offer and I think it might be fun, I jump on it. I create an opportunity for them to follow-through and then leave it up to them. I've never been turned down.
A friend yesterday said that I seem to prefer married/involved women, especially the ones with kids. To a certain extent she's right. It's a fact that these are the women I usually end up with. That's about access and opportunity. I can't remember the last time an available woman (that I was attracted to) approached me. I take what I can get. And more often than not, it's a married/involved woman. With kids. I can't say it's totally by my choice. I would like a nice, attractive, single woman, but they are apparently few and far between in my world. If I do the math, which I did last night, it's been two years since I've "been with" a woman who was not married or otherwise involved. In fact, over the past five years, I've "been with" just two women who were single when we met. Go ahead and judge me if you want. Everyone else does.
I don't feel the need to justify my actions, nor do I plan to list off a bunch of rationalizations. I'm not ashamed and I feel absolutely no need to apologize. I have said it may times - I am responsible for MY morality, not theirs. I'm single and can "be with" whomever I choose. While I choose not to cheat on my partners, I have no problem "being with" someone who does. That's on them, not me. Given that I have no illusions of anything permanent, I don't have to worry about whether I trust them or not. It's not a factor in our "relationship". It is what it is for as long as it lasts. Which usually isn't very long.
In case I have left a ray of doubt in anyone's mind, I want it on the record ONE MORE TIME. I do what I do and I plan to keep doing it. I'm going to continue "being with" married and otherwise unavailable women. If they approach me and I want to take them up on their offer, I'm going to do it. No question. In fact, if I was still in Texarkana, I might be doing it right now. I got a small taste of something that might be a whole lot of fun. The next time I go that way, I just might create an opportunity and see what she does with it. She may end up feeling guilty, but I know I won't. Never have and most likely I never will. Judge me. I don't give a damn.
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