Going Within
I believe in energy. Specifically, the energy between people. I can't prove where it comes from. I simply fall back on one fact and one fact alone - It's there. My proof? I feel it. I do. Not with everyone (thank God), but with many people. I'm up to maybe two or three hands over the course of forty-years. Some have passed through my life quickly while others have a more enduring presence. When we met, I "just knew" them or had the feeling that we'd met before, maybe in a previous life. There's something there between us, something completely unexplainable. Unless you believe in energy. And I do.
I believe that this energy exists because we are all One. We were created from the same matter by the same being, the same God. We are equal and joined together through this energy. With some the energy is stronger, with others weaker, but it's always there between each and every one of us. i'm fairly certain our evolution or actualization determine how well we recognize this energy. Rest assured it is not sexual energy or lust or love at first sight. It is something deeper, a recognition, a comfort, a knowing. It is powerful, undeniable, and unexplainable. You just know.
So, if we are all One, what then? Do I need the energy of others to complete me? Or is it possible to find everything I need within in? That life truly can be lived without? Without others, without connection? If I seek to live as One with God and if I believe that God and I are One, then this fact is self-evident. God is within me, so all I need (and will ever need) is me.
It takes great strength of go within. People always say it's hard to go without - without love, affection, sex, family, friends, beer, pizza, caffeine, cigarettes, country music, HDTV, etc. The truth is that it's harder to go within. All those things we think we can't live without prevent us from going within. We attach ourselves to so much outside ourselves and say that we NEED it all. Can't live without it, in fact. That's a load of crap. In truth, most people aren't evolved enough and therefore not strong enough to go without so they can go within. They use everything and anything to distract themselves away from themselves. As for me, I need food, clothing, shelter, warmth, and a good relationship with myself. That's about all. Internet? Cell phone? Fried okra? Yeah, those are nifty privileges that I really, really like, but when given too much power, they take me away from me.
A friend told me today that I can't live a monastic life dedicated to only God. I'm not dedicated to God. I'm dedicated to me. Being alone - living, breathing, eating, sleeping, existing alone - creates strength. To only have the self to rely on? To not have anything to fall back on? To not need anything, but the self? It takes strength. Strength begets strength which begets more strength. It's not an easy life, but it is possible. Believe me, the loneliness and need for energy go away in time. What is left is a singularity of purpose and a love of the self. I fear only that which may take away me away from me.
I'm no fool. I go to work everyday and I interact in the world. So, my friend is kind of right - I cannot live a totally monastic lifestyle dedicated to myself and God. My soul exists in a twenty-first century body, one with a house payment, car note, a wee bit of credit card debt and a love of Jason's Deli. As much as I may like to sell off all of my worldly possessions and live in cabin high on a mountain top all by myself, I know I don't have it in me to grow my own food or live without running water. So, I adapt my evolution to the times. It's not easy working in retail and living in the "big city", but I do what I have to do stay true to myself. I find solitude and peace and shun conversation and interaction.
I accept that my choices are not the choices most would make. I accept that most just don't get me. I accept that many think I'm crazy. I like what I feel between people, but I like what I feel within myself even more. I am positive that I have all I need within. I have me and energy and God. With all that, it's easy to go without.
I believe that this energy exists because we are all One. We were created from the same matter by the same being, the same God. We are equal and joined together through this energy. With some the energy is stronger, with others weaker, but it's always there between each and every one of us. i'm fairly certain our evolution or actualization determine how well we recognize this energy. Rest assured it is not sexual energy or lust or love at first sight. It is something deeper, a recognition, a comfort, a knowing. It is powerful, undeniable, and unexplainable. You just know.
So, if we are all One, what then? Do I need the energy of others to complete me? Or is it possible to find everything I need within in? That life truly can be lived without? Without others, without connection? If I seek to live as One with God and if I believe that God and I are One, then this fact is self-evident. God is within me, so all I need (and will ever need) is me.
It takes great strength of go within. People always say it's hard to go without - without love, affection, sex, family, friends, beer, pizza, caffeine, cigarettes, country music, HDTV, etc. The truth is that it's harder to go within. All those things we think we can't live without prevent us from going within. We attach ourselves to so much outside ourselves and say that we NEED it all. Can't live without it, in fact. That's a load of crap. In truth, most people aren't evolved enough and therefore not strong enough to go without so they can go within. They use everything and anything to distract themselves away from themselves. As for me, I need food, clothing, shelter, warmth, and a good relationship with myself. That's about all. Internet? Cell phone? Fried okra? Yeah, those are nifty privileges that I really, really like, but when given too much power, they take me away from me.
A friend told me today that I can't live a monastic life dedicated to only God. I'm not dedicated to God. I'm dedicated to me. Being alone - living, breathing, eating, sleeping, existing alone - creates strength. To only have the self to rely on? To not have anything to fall back on? To not need anything, but the self? It takes strength. Strength begets strength which begets more strength. It's not an easy life, but it is possible. Believe me, the loneliness and need for energy go away in time. What is left is a singularity of purpose and a love of the self. I fear only that which may take away me away from me.
I'm no fool. I go to work everyday and I interact in the world. So, my friend is kind of right - I cannot live a totally monastic lifestyle dedicated to myself and God. My soul exists in a twenty-first century body, one with a house payment, car note, a wee bit of credit card debt and a love of Jason's Deli. As much as I may like to sell off all of my worldly possessions and live in cabin high on a mountain top all by myself, I know I don't have it in me to grow my own food or live without running water. So, I adapt my evolution to the times. It's not easy working in retail and living in the "big city", but I do what I have to do stay true to myself. I find solitude and peace and shun conversation and interaction.
I accept that my choices are not the choices most would make. I accept that most just don't get me. I accept that many think I'm crazy. I like what I feel between people, but I like what I feel within myself even more. I am positive that I have all I need within. I have me and energy and God. With all that, it's easy to go without.
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