A Simple 'Yes' Or 'No'
There shouldn't have to be an essay answer, a tap dance, or a track meet. All the question needs is a simple 'yes' or 'no'. After all, it is a 'closed' question and only allows for a binary, this or that, response. It's very easy actually. I designed the question to be so. Either she does or she doesn't. Let me do the math to make it even easier. An affirmative response, 'Yes', means that she does. A negative response, 'No', means that she doesn't. To me, it's perfect in it's simplicity. The only thing I had to do was work up the courage to ask. All she had to do is work up the courage (or put her ego aside) to answer. Sadly, in practice, it's never that easy.
Women tend to respond one of three ways and none of them equates to a direct answer. These three methods were alluded to above - the essay answer, the tap dance, and the track meet. Let's delve into each one in turn. What causes the non-response and why?
The Essay Answer - This occurs when she takes your question for something a little north of closed. She jumps in as if you'd asked her to give a critical analysis of 'War and Peace'. She lists all the reasons why she can and can't, will and won't, should and shouldn't. She may list off all the horrors that her last girlfriend visited upon her and discuss how much her parents hate that she's a lesbian. She may also comment on your hairstyle (alternatively, it can be either too short or too long) and your fashion choices (alternatively, said choices can either be too femme or too butch). As wonderful as this plethora of facts, rationalizations, and information may be, it's overkill and far from necessary. The question doesn't require a filibuster. It just needs a 'Yes' or 'No'.
So why is she so wordy? Let's see... Fear of saying yes, fear of saying no, fear of the response if she says yes, fear of the response if she says no. One way or the other, she needs to get over herself and realize that I wouldn't have asked without understanding that I might be opening myself to a wee bit of rejection. Maybe others have freaked out when she said 'No'. Maybe they begged and cried and ended up stalking her until she filed a court order. Of course maybe she wants to say 'Yes'. She's afraid of that, too. I mean what if? Yes, what if? Fuck me. Grow a set and embrace life for a change. Jesus, maybe I need to start dating dudes. At least they come with balls.
The Result - Neither a 'Yes' or a 'No', but a hell of a lot of words filling the silence. In my experience, it's best to assume she means 'No' and move on (after all, she'd say 'Yes' if she wanted to).
The Tap Dance - It's frighteningly similar to the essay answer except without all the words. She doesn't say 'Yes' or 'No', but she never says much of anything either. She'll get back to you. She's busy. She has to clear her calendar (it's a date, maybe just coffee, not a marriage proposal).
So why is she so un-wordy? This is truly the passive-aggressive answer. I can rationalize that she really is busy and will get back to me, but the truth is she's miming 'No'. She's a chicken shit and/or full of shit. Either she can't bear rejecting me or she's an attention whore and neither is any good. To her, a 'No' would mean a closed door in the case of the latter and a potentially hurting someone with the former.
The Result - I won't get a definitive answer. The hopeful part of me may think I've got a 'Yes' because she never actually said 'No'. Ok, she didn't even say 'Maybe'. If she wanted to say 'Yes', she would have. Perhaps she really is busy or scared or anything else you can rationalize, but I don't want someone emotionally, physically, and spiritually available, even if it is just a date.
The Track Meet - In this case, I get a 'Yes'. Sort of. It may come with an Essay or a Tap Dance, but in the end she ends up running and wants me to chase her. She is about the game, the chase, not the real thing. She'll let me get close, let me think she's finally going to follow through on her 'Yes', then she'll dash away. It's all in the hopes that I'll chase her. How long will it continue? Until she gets bored or I get bored, whichever comes first.
So why does she run? She's probably scared shitless and prideful. She lets her ego dictate. Chasing her gives her exactly what she think she needs - an ego feed. If I chase her, she'll have me on the string. She can pull me this way and that. She can start, stop, and start again. It all depends on me. If I feed her ego and she'll keep on keeping on. For awhile. Eventually she's going to get bored or someone new is going to come along and in the end, I'll have nothing to show for my efforts.
The Result - The chase is just another word for 'No'. My advice? As soon as she runs, run the other way. Be careful, though. She may end up chasing you. Until you stop running or start chasing her again. At that point, it'll be game on, so remember Rule #1 - Cardio. Keep running and don't look back.
I don't know about everyone but ultimately, all I want is a 'yes' or a 'no'. I'm standing there asking. Yes? Or no? Of course, I'd prefer a 'Yes'. If I didn't, I wouldn't ask. So no... I'm not asking just to ask. I truly want what I'm asking for. I know what I'm getting myself into, potentially anyway. I've thought it out, run the options, and I'm certain it's worth the risk. A 'Yes' means a step forward. A 'No' means a step backward. I will not jump for joy or cry in despair. And not because it's not important to me. Again, if it wasn't important, I wouldn't have asked. It's just that my self-worth, ego, and street cred aren't linked to the answer. 'Yes' or 'No', I'll still be the same as always. Yes, I'm that strong.
Women tend to respond one of three ways and none of them equates to a direct answer. These three methods were alluded to above - the essay answer, the tap dance, and the track meet. Let's delve into each one in turn. What causes the non-response and why?
The Essay Answer - This occurs when she takes your question for something a little north of closed. She jumps in as if you'd asked her to give a critical analysis of 'War and Peace'. She lists all the reasons why she can and can't, will and won't, should and shouldn't. She may list off all the horrors that her last girlfriend visited upon her and discuss how much her parents hate that she's a lesbian. She may also comment on your hairstyle (alternatively, it can be either too short or too long) and your fashion choices (alternatively, said choices can either be too femme or too butch). As wonderful as this plethora of facts, rationalizations, and information may be, it's overkill and far from necessary. The question doesn't require a filibuster. It just needs a 'Yes' or 'No'.
So why is she so wordy? Let's see... Fear of saying yes, fear of saying no, fear of the response if she says yes, fear of the response if she says no. One way or the other, she needs to get over herself and realize that I wouldn't have asked without understanding that I might be opening myself to a wee bit of rejection. Maybe others have freaked out when she said 'No'. Maybe they begged and cried and ended up stalking her until she filed a court order. Of course maybe she wants to say 'Yes'. She's afraid of that, too. I mean what if? Yes, what if? Fuck me. Grow a set and embrace life for a change. Jesus, maybe I need to start dating dudes. At least they come with balls.
The Result - Neither a 'Yes' or a 'No', but a hell of a lot of words filling the silence. In my experience, it's best to assume she means 'No' and move on (after all, she'd say 'Yes' if she wanted to).
The Tap Dance - It's frighteningly similar to the essay answer except without all the words. She doesn't say 'Yes' or 'No', but she never says much of anything either. She'll get back to you. She's busy. She has to clear her calendar (it's a date, maybe just coffee, not a marriage proposal).
So why is she so un-wordy? This is truly the passive-aggressive answer. I can rationalize that she really is busy and will get back to me, but the truth is she's miming 'No'. She's a chicken shit and/or full of shit. Either she can't bear rejecting me or she's an attention whore and neither is any good. To her, a 'No' would mean a closed door in the case of the latter and a potentially hurting someone with the former.
The Result - I won't get a definitive answer. The hopeful part of me may think I've got a 'Yes' because she never actually said 'No'. Ok, she didn't even say 'Maybe'. If she wanted to say 'Yes', she would have. Perhaps she really is busy or scared or anything else you can rationalize, but I don't want someone emotionally, physically, and spiritually available, even if it is just a date.
The Track Meet - In this case, I get a 'Yes'. Sort of. It may come with an Essay or a Tap Dance, but in the end she ends up running and wants me to chase her. She is about the game, the chase, not the real thing. She'll let me get close, let me think she's finally going to follow through on her 'Yes', then she'll dash away. It's all in the hopes that I'll chase her. How long will it continue? Until she gets bored or I get bored, whichever comes first.
So why does she run? She's probably scared shitless and prideful. She lets her ego dictate. Chasing her gives her exactly what she think she needs - an ego feed. If I chase her, she'll have me on the string. She can pull me this way and that. She can start, stop, and start again. It all depends on me. If I feed her ego and she'll keep on keeping on. For awhile. Eventually she's going to get bored or someone new is going to come along and in the end, I'll have nothing to show for my efforts.
The Result - The chase is just another word for 'No'. My advice? As soon as she runs, run the other way. Be careful, though. She may end up chasing you. Until you stop running or start chasing her again. At that point, it'll be game on, so remember Rule #1 - Cardio. Keep running and don't look back.
I don't know about everyone but ultimately, all I want is a 'yes' or a 'no'. I'm standing there asking. Yes? Or no? Of course, I'd prefer a 'Yes'. If I didn't, I wouldn't ask. So no... I'm not asking just to ask. I truly want what I'm asking for. I know what I'm getting myself into, potentially anyway. I've thought it out, run the options, and I'm certain it's worth the risk. A 'Yes' means a step forward. A 'No' means a step backward. I will not jump for joy or cry in despair. And not because it's not important to me. Again, if it wasn't important, I wouldn't have asked. It's just that my self-worth, ego, and street cred aren't linked to the answer. 'Yes' or 'No', I'll still be the same as always. Yes, I'm that strong.
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