In Need of A Little Something-Something
I need something to look forward to. I'm sure several people out there are simply thinking that I'm not thinking hard enough, that there's plenty to look forward to. I'm here to tell you that there's not. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy life. It's just that right now, it's boring, 'hum-drum', rote, blah, repetitive. Well, do something to change it? I know I need something new under the sun, but that's a lot harder than it looks. The thought of everything bores me. I'm well aware that all this could very well be a figment of my newly re-medicated mind. After all, I don't call them the 'Anti-Everything Pills' for nothing. Still, I'm hoping for a change. I guess in that way, I am looking forward to something.
Good Lord! I'm looking forward to CHANGE!!! Can't say I've said that too many times in life. Ok, sure I've wished girlfriends would come back, weight would melt away, bosses would be nicer, and certain girls would like me. But change on a grander scale? No. No way. Historically, I've been a fan of the status quo because no matter how boring or messy the current state of life is, it can always get worse. And usually does when we're talking about my life. Yes, I understand God's Grace. Yes, I see the bigger picture and know I wouldn't be where I am today without all the ugly changes I've been through over the years. Blah, blah, blah. Still it's never been something I've wished upon myself. Maybe that's because God unleashed it on me all too often and I was left to fight my way back to good.
Eh, in any case, I'm bored and I wouldn't mind a wee change or two. Of my choosing. OF MY CHOOSING. Of course, the last time I did that, I ended up in Austin. And God snickered. Then He belly-laughed. Then He gave my demons extra sharp sticks. I'm sure I heard Him say, 'I'll show you, my pretty'. And show me He did. Change, of His accord or mine, has a definite sucking period. There's no way to get around it. Change sucks, especially after a lifetime of embracing the status quo, so it's best that I watch what I wish for. And that's why I'm a little hesitant right now. Life is boring, blah, humdrum, rote, and all the other adjectives I may have used above, but am I ready for life to suck?
I guess I need to stay away from global changes. It's probably best that I don't relocate, change jobs, or get a new dog. I should probably hope for small, potentially incremental changes, like a crush or someone cute to watch at the gym. Maybe that's it. I gave up my most recent crush about a week and a half ago. No matter how intellectual or evolved I purport to be, it always comes down to a girl. Damn Me and my simple pea brain. I should be above this. I shouldn't need a 'crush' to keep my mind occupied. I should be using my brain power to encourage world peace, feed the hungry, or open minds. What do I do instead? Wonder and worry and analyze and pine over a GIRL!!! This is exactly why I decided to give it up. Well, that and it had stalled and I was bored.
Of course, now I find myself even more bored. What I need is a cause. Or a girlfriend. Or motivation. Yes, at the very least, I could use some motivation. Hell, I have stuff in my life to keep my mind occupied - I'm working on a book; I need to look at Divinity grad programs; I have to get my house in Texarkana sold. In my current frame of mind, it's all just so boring and even on my best days I have a hard time motivating myself past boredom.
Where am I going with all this? Here in a few minutes, work. Where I'll be bored with the humdrum, boring, rote tasks I'm required to do every day. This weekend, Wake Village, Texas. Where I'll be bored with the humdrum, boring, rote task of painting and readying my house to sell. I know the cure for all this is something better to think about (like a girl...It's always better with a girl), but for now I think I may just settle for the artificial and momentary motivation that an Absolutely Zero Monster can provide. If it gives me a few hours of boredom-free zip, I'll be thankful. From there, we'll work on a little something-something more.
Good Lord! I'm looking forward to CHANGE!!! Can't say I've said that too many times in life. Ok, sure I've wished girlfriends would come back, weight would melt away, bosses would be nicer, and certain girls would like me. But change on a grander scale? No. No way. Historically, I've been a fan of the status quo because no matter how boring or messy the current state of life is, it can always get worse. And usually does when we're talking about my life. Yes, I understand God's Grace. Yes, I see the bigger picture and know I wouldn't be where I am today without all the ugly changes I've been through over the years. Blah, blah, blah. Still it's never been something I've wished upon myself. Maybe that's because God unleashed it on me all too often and I was left to fight my way back to good.
Eh, in any case, I'm bored and I wouldn't mind a wee change or two. Of my choosing. OF MY CHOOSING. Of course, the last time I did that, I ended up in Austin. And God snickered. Then He belly-laughed. Then He gave my demons extra sharp sticks. I'm sure I heard Him say, 'I'll show you, my pretty'. And show me He did. Change, of His accord or mine, has a definite sucking period. There's no way to get around it. Change sucks, especially after a lifetime of embracing the status quo, so it's best that I watch what I wish for. And that's why I'm a little hesitant right now. Life is boring, blah, humdrum, rote, and all the other adjectives I may have used above, but am I ready for life to suck?
I guess I need to stay away from global changes. It's probably best that I don't relocate, change jobs, or get a new dog. I should probably hope for small, potentially incremental changes, like a crush or someone cute to watch at the gym. Maybe that's it. I gave up my most recent crush about a week and a half ago. No matter how intellectual or evolved I purport to be, it always comes down to a girl. Damn Me and my simple pea brain. I should be above this. I shouldn't need a 'crush' to keep my mind occupied. I should be using my brain power to encourage world peace, feed the hungry, or open minds. What do I do instead? Wonder and worry and analyze and pine over a GIRL!!! This is exactly why I decided to give it up. Well, that and it had stalled and I was bored.
Of course, now I find myself even more bored. What I need is a cause. Or a girlfriend. Or motivation. Yes, at the very least, I could use some motivation. Hell, I have stuff in my life to keep my mind occupied - I'm working on a book; I need to look at Divinity grad programs; I have to get my house in Texarkana sold. In my current frame of mind, it's all just so boring and even on my best days I have a hard time motivating myself past boredom.
Where am I going with all this? Here in a few minutes, work. Where I'll be bored with the humdrum, boring, rote tasks I'm required to do every day. This weekend, Wake Village, Texas. Where I'll be bored with the humdrum, boring, rote task of painting and readying my house to sell. I know the cure for all this is something better to think about (like a girl...It's always better with a girl), but for now I think I may just settle for the artificial and momentary motivation that an Absolutely Zero Monster can provide. If it gives me a few hours of boredom-free zip, I'll be thankful. From there, we'll work on a little something-something more.
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