Praying for Gatorade
Jesus aside, I don't think I'm cut out to be a Mormon. Truth be told, I've been 'church shopping' for awhile now. I crave fellowship and some sort of organized spirituality. I need an outlet and people to talk to who won't think I'm a total nerd for being spiritually driven and 'God-focused'. I have to admit, Jesus has been a bit of a hold-up. I'm still technically non-Christian. Technically. If one goes by the traditional, Christian definition, which seems to be one of the few options available.
Sunday morning when I woke up with a pounding head and queasy stomach still wearing my Texas jersey from the day before, I just knew I should have become a Mormon on Saturday night. I'm pretty sure that I need a religion designed to keep me from perpetrating sins upon my flesh. The afternoon (yes, I said 'afternoon') started innocently enough. I put on my Texas jersey in preparation for the game, got blown off, watched a little non-Texas football, drank one to help with my deteriorating mental state, and then went to help a few friends with their afternoon errands (I had no idea I'd end up moving a washer and toting boxes to Goodwill). Then I got blown off again by the same girl. I decided to watch more football (Texas this time) and drink a few more. Before I could blink, I found myself at Shooters horribly under-dressed (read: lesbian) in my Texas jersey. By this point, I'd had three-quarters of a dozen, including a shot of Jager, and was more than prepared for additional sin. I woke up in a strange bed praying for Gatorade. It was a far cry from the previous Sunday morning when I awoke early, sober, and ready for church. Funny, that day I didn't see Mormonism as a necessary option.
In case it may have slipped past you... Yes, two Sundays ago, I attended church. By myself. I didn't sing or clap or even close my eyes. My spirituality doesn't require that mess. I liked the sermon well enough and I certainly like the idea of this particular church. They are more open and less Jesus-y that any church I've ever been exposed to. They believe more the way I believe - more substance and less hocus pocus. I really think I may have found my place. Maybe not this particular congregation, but there are plenty of others in Austin. They seem to have a judicious view of sin, which some may say would be beneficial to someone like me. In the eyes of most Christians, I'm a sinner. And I'm awful damn good at it.
This is why I thought Mormonism would be perfect for me. They have very serious mandates against sin - No alcohol, caffeine, drugs, or cigarette smoking (I think homosexual sex goes without saying). Maybe this is just what I need to ensure my salvation (and hangover-free Sunday mornings), because minus the drugs I partook of all that on Saturday night. A Christian friend told me that I just need boundaries, not a religion that forbids sin. Let me tell you, Sunday morning I wasn't so sure about that. I did my share of praying, which is unlike me. 'Please God, let me make it home before I puke' and 'Please God, let an angel bring me some Gatorade'. Those kinds of prayers that I'm fairly certain God ignores anyway. I'm just not certain that we're allowed to pray away the consequences of sin. Of course, I did make it home without puking that morning, but that may have just been dumb luck rather than divine interference. In any case, I'm not sure I'm very good at setting boundaries, not when I've been blown off twice (by the same girl) and someone offers to buy shots. That's why Sunday morning I really wished I was Mormon. Mormons don't get hangovers. I'm almost positive of this.
Now, fast forward through a rough week at work and a steady stream of not-so-good news, (disparate views of Jesus aside) I really don't think I'm cut out to be a Mormon. I'm about to start on my third drink - rum and Diet Coke. That's two sins - alcohol and caffeine. I don't think I'll be smoking or having homosexual sex, but the night is still young and I sure wouldn't put it past me. Yeah, I suck at Mormonism. And boundaries apparently. I wish I could buy into the whole sin thing. I'm sure I'd be hung over a lot less. Unfortunately, my spirituality isn't that easy. All the pixie dust in the Universe can't convince me otherwise. Even when I'm praying for Gatorade on a Sunday morning instead of going to church. So, scratch Mormonism off the list. It's not for me.
Sunday morning when I woke up with a pounding head and queasy stomach still wearing my Texas jersey from the day before, I just knew I should have become a Mormon on Saturday night. I'm pretty sure that I need a religion designed to keep me from perpetrating sins upon my flesh. The afternoon (yes, I said 'afternoon') started innocently enough. I put on my Texas jersey in preparation for the game, got blown off, watched a little non-Texas football, drank one to help with my deteriorating mental state, and then went to help a few friends with their afternoon errands (I had no idea I'd end up moving a washer and toting boxes to Goodwill). Then I got blown off again by the same girl. I decided to watch more football (Texas this time) and drink a few more. Before I could blink, I found myself at Shooters horribly under-dressed (read: lesbian) in my Texas jersey. By this point, I'd had three-quarters of a dozen, including a shot of Jager, and was more than prepared for additional sin. I woke up in a strange bed praying for Gatorade. It was a far cry from the previous Sunday morning when I awoke early, sober, and ready for church. Funny, that day I didn't see Mormonism as a necessary option.
In case it may have slipped past you... Yes, two Sundays ago, I attended church. By myself. I didn't sing or clap or even close my eyes. My spirituality doesn't require that mess. I liked the sermon well enough and I certainly like the idea of this particular church. They are more open and less Jesus-y that any church I've ever been exposed to. They believe more the way I believe - more substance and less hocus pocus. I really think I may have found my place. Maybe not this particular congregation, but there are plenty of others in Austin. They seem to have a judicious view of sin, which some may say would be beneficial to someone like me. In the eyes of most Christians, I'm a sinner. And I'm awful damn good at it.
This is why I thought Mormonism would be perfect for me. They have very serious mandates against sin - No alcohol, caffeine, drugs, or cigarette smoking (I think homosexual sex goes without saying). Maybe this is just what I need to ensure my salvation (and hangover-free Sunday mornings), because minus the drugs I partook of all that on Saturday night. A Christian friend told me that I just need boundaries, not a religion that forbids sin. Let me tell you, Sunday morning I wasn't so sure about that. I did my share of praying, which is unlike me. 'Please God, let me make it home before I puke' and 'Please God, let an angel bring me some Gatorade'. Those kinds of prayers that I'm fairly certain God ignores anyway. I'm just not certain that we're allowed to pray away the consequences of sin. Of course, I did make it home without puking that morning, but that may have just been dumb luck rather than divine interference. In any case, I'm not sure I'm very good at setting boundaries, not when I've been blown off twice (by the same girl) and someone offers to buy shots. That's why Sunday morning I really wished I was Mormon. Mormons don't get hangovers. I'm almost positive of this.
Now, fast forward through a rough week at work and a steady stream of not-so-good news, (disparate views of Jesus aside) I really don't think I'm cut out to be a Mormon. I'm about to start on my third drink - rum and Diet Coke. That's two sins - alcohol and caffeine. I don't think I'll be smoking or having homosexual sex, but the night is still young and I sure wouldn't put it past me. Yeah, I suck at Mormonism. And boundaries apparently. I wish I could buy into the whole sin thing. I'm sure I'd be hung over a lot less. Unfortunately, my spirituality isn't that easy. All the pixie dust in the Universe can't convince me otherwise. Even when I'm praying for Gatorade on a Sunday morning instead of going to church. So, scratch Mormonism off the list. It's not for me.
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