Butterflies, Change, and My Whacked Spirituality

Last week when I was visiting my mother in Minnesota, I walked a lot. It was a way to get out and get some fresh air. I enjoyed helping my mom recover from her recent hip replacement surgery, but I am used to having a lot more time to myself so every afternoon or evening, I took a walk.

My mother lives in a small town outside of the Twin Cities that is surrounded by lakes. It's really quite beautiful and the weather is a bit more pleasant than the heat I'm used to in Central Texas. There is little traffic and everywhere seems like a good place to walk. Because I am a creature of habit, I plotted out a short course for myself on the first day. I wandered through 'downtown', up the hill by the older 'Victorian' homes, past my sister's church, through the cemetery, and then back through town to my mom's apartment. It took roughly a half hour. Perfect.

I saw them on my very first walk and continued to see them every day there after. Huge orange and black butterflies seemed to be everywhere. I saw ones, twos, and even five together one day. In my whacked spirituality, butterflies signal transformation. Assuredly, this was a message from God enlightening me about something moving through my life. Change was afoot and, if the beauty of the butterflies were any indication, the change was bound to be a good one.

Over the years I've been a little wishy-washy about change. Sometimes I'm a fan; sometimes I wish for it; sometimes I rail against it; sometimes I run from it. You just can never tell with me. I guess it depends on how good or how crappy my life is at the moment. Usually a bad phase has me hoping for change, while a good phase may have me going either way. Occasionally good makes me want great; other times I'm just thankful for good and pray that it sticks around awhile.

At the moment I saw the butterflies, I'd give my life a big so-so. It's been kinda ok and kinda not ok over the past year. I like some things, but others I could really do without. I've talked recently about wanting change, maybe even needing it. I'm in a good enough place, but keep thinking that I'm ready to take the next step to whatever's next. Of course my problem has been knowing where I want to go next, so I've been playing a waiting game with God. I figured that sooner or later He'd give me a kick in the right direction.

So, yes... The butterflies were a good sign. And incidentally, why I'm not completely freaked out right now. I got some interesting news at work yesterday. I am being forced to leave a job I love to do a job I don't want to do. It's not a good move, not in my mind, however it does mean change is coming. I could whine and cry and bemoan my horrible fate (which I did enough of last night), but I'm choosing to frame this differently. I've been pondering change and now I've got it. What I do with it is up to me. I'm not entirely sure what God has up His sleeve - Am I supposed to go back to Texarkana? Pursue a different job in Austin? Or throw a dart at a map and go where it lands?

In a way, I'm trying all of the above. After months of talking about moving home to Texarkana, I've taken action, real action, to find a job there. I also applied for and have already gotten a call about a human resources job with my current employer at a different store in Austin. And in a flurry of activity last night, I applied for jobs in Michigan, Minnesota, East Texas, and Dallas, all with my current employer. I guess we'll see what comes from all of it. First come, first served is how I see it playing out.

Of course, eventually I do want to go home. If I keep looking and keep applying (I actually applied for a great job with my competitor today that I am very qualified for), I'll find something. If anything, yesterday's news gave me the impetus to get up off my ass and start searching in earnest.  I can talk all I want about what I want, but talk gets you nowhere. Action is the key. Today I acted. Certainly, it's just the first step and I don't expect a ton of phone calls begging me to come back to Texarkana. But you never know. Those butterflies were very pretty. That has to mean a great and wonderful change is coming for me. It just has to. My whacked spirituality says so.

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