The Night I Had to Say 'Goodbye'

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I know a thing or two about goodbyes. It seems after a childhood of mostly hellos, I've had an adulthood filled with goodbyes. Assuredly, I am to blame for this. I tend to leave. It's what I do. I stay for a minute or maybe most of a decade, then I go. Sure I look back, miss people, and occasionally have regrets, but mostly I move forward. I get on with life.

I'm used to being the one who walks, the one who decides. I can't say I like it when it's the other way around. Tonight I had to say 'Goodbye' to the best friend I've made since coming to Austin. She's moving home to Ft. Worth, just three hours away. Feasibly there could be weekend trips or vacations or even meetings in the middle, but I know we won't see each other as much as we think we will. She won't be right around the corner for a drink or a movie or pizza and wings. Truly when I think of my time in Austin, I have few memories that don't include her. I am sad and I feel a little lost. I know the worst is yet to come, when I need someone to hang out with and pick up the phone to text her only to remember she doesn't live here anymore.

At least when I leave, I'm on to a new adventure. I'm so busy learning a new city and meeting new people that I have little time to be sad about everything I'm missing back home. Waves of homesickness are common, but easily overcome. New adventures and new friends take the place what was left behind. It doesn't have to be the same because everything is different. This, a best friend leaving, is harder somehow. Everything is the same, but it will never be the same. She is gone and, with her, spur of the moment shots at G & S Lounge, climbing in through her kitchen window (we got locked out a couple times), watching 'Wanted', 'Chelsea Lately', and too much reality TV, late night trips to Whataburger, a supremely comfortable bed, 'big, red, and cheap' bottles of wine, and the one place I could go when I needed someplace to go. We were a lot of fun and I'm going to miss us.

I wasn't ready for 'goodbye' tonight. I know she has to go and I'm not mad at her for it. It's life. A year ago we said 'hello' and now we say 'goodbye'. 'Goodbye'. After tomorrow, she won't be here anymore. And that's why I'm feeling a little lost. My best friend in Austin is moving away. I know I'll move on and she'll move on. I'll find new friends here, she'll have all kinds of great adventures back home in Ft. Worth, and we will always have the memories of our friendship. However, right now I want it to be a year ago, the night we became friends. I don't want it to be the night I had to say 'goodbye'.

So, yes... I know a thing or two about goodbyes. Tonight I know I really don't like them very much.

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