The Night I Had to Say 'Goodbye'

-
I know a thing or two about goodbyes. It seems after a childhood of mostly hellos, I've had an adulthood filled with goodbyes. Assuredly, I am to blame for this. I tend to leave. It's what I do. I stay for a minute or maybe most of a decade, then I go. Sure I look back, miss people, and occasionally have regrets, but mostly I move forward. I get on with life.

I'm used to being the one who walks, the one who decides. I can't say I like it when it's the other way around. Tonight I had to say 'Goodbye' to the best friend I've made since coming to Austin. She's moving home to Ft. Worth, just three hours away. Feasibly there could be weekend trips or vacations or even meetings in the middle, but I know we won't see each other as much as we think we will. She won't be right around the corner for a drink or a movie or pizza and wings. Truly when I think of my time in Austin, I have few memories that don't include her. I am sad and I feel a little lost. I know the worst is yet to come, when I need someone to hang out with and pick up the phone to text her only to remember she doesn't live here anymore.

At least when I leave, I'm on to a new adventure. I'm so busy learning a new city and meeting new people that I have little time to be sad about everything I'm missing back home. Waves of homesickness are common, but easily overcome. New adventures and new friends take the place what was left behind. It doesn't have to be the same because everything is different. This, a best friend leaving, is harder somehow. Everything is the same, but it will never be the same. She is gone and, with her, spur of the moment shots at G & S Lounge, climbing in through her kitchen window (we got locked out a couple times), watching 'Wanted', 'Chelsea Lately', and too much reality TV, late night trips to Whataburger, a supremely comfortable bed, 'big, red, and cheap' bottles of wine, and the one place I could go when I needed someplace to go. We were a lot of fun and I'm going to miss us.

I wasn't ready for 'goodbye' tonight. I know she has to go and I'm not mad at her for it. It's life. A year ago we said 'hello' and now we say 'goodbye'. 'Goodbye'. After tomorrow, she won't be here anymore. And that's why I'm feeling a little lost. My best friend in Austin is moving away. I know I'll move on and she'll move on. I'll find new friends here, she'll have all kinds of great adventures back home in Ft. Worth, and we will always have the memories of our friendship. However, right now I want it to be a year ago, the night we became friends. I don't want it to be the night I had to say 'goodbye'.

So, yes... I know a thing or two about goodbyes. Tonight I know I really don't like them very much.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Biggest Fan

-
It comes for all of us. If we're lucky. Right now, I'm not sure I feel lucky, but I know in the days, weeks, months, and years to come, I will come to realize that I am. Or I was. My parents are elderly, eighty-four and ninety-two. From where I'm sitting at the moment - my mother's hospital room - it's doubtful that my mom will reach tomorrow, much less eighty-five, So here I sit. And write...while  my biggest fan lays a few feet away snoring like a freight train. Her snores mean she's still alive so rather than drowning them out with music, I listen, Intently. Because each one could be her last. It's the drugs - her pain was pretty severe - making her sleep so soundly. These same drugs, the ones that keep the pain at bay, may also hasten her death. Her decision. She's been kicking cancer's a** for the past seven years. My mom's no sissy; she can endure. But this isn't the cancer, the known quantity. This is an aneurysm, a ticking time bomb
Read more

Be That Person

-
 A friend texted me last night. Her almost twelve year old son is starting middle school today and she was more than a little stressed. I guess it's somewhat normal for parents to be nervous about such milestones in their children's lives. I mean sixth grade means a bigger school, perhaps switching classrooms, more complex homework assignments, etc, etc. I'm sure there's also some wistfulness about the whole thing. The "My baby's growing up" kinda thing. My friend's concerns last night (and again this morning) were far larger. You see, her son is different. He always has been. Not only is he on "the spectrum," he also has Tourettte's. And he's on the fringes of non-binary. Plus, he lives on the border of Texas and Arkansas in a place that is far from open-minded and falls just below marginally accepting. This is the land of conservative politics (ie Trump), gun rights, big religion, and the concomitant "family values" that i
Read more

A Little Unsteady

-
"Hold onto me...cuz I'm a little unsteady..." It's the first song that popped up on Pandora tonight. Kismet? Serendipity? I don't know. I had another opening line all picked out (and I'm sure I'll get to it in a bit), but sometimes...sometimes the Universe has other plans. Other ideas. Other directions. And often it's right. Absolutely, perfect right. Like tonight...today...all of it... I was unsteady. I am unsteady. For the first time nearly five years. Five years . This, of course, isn't a lying, narcissistic girlfriend or a bad break up of any kind. And for that I am thankful (Not that I couldn't use a nifty stint on the Break Up Diet). In many ways, it's something worse. Much, much worse. I'm being pulled in two directions, veritably (though not literally...physically speaking anyway) torn in two. It's not news that I'm moving to Las Vegas next month. In fact, I leave one month from today with the first load of my life.
Read more