God Damn and a Little Lightly Breaded Blasphemy
Oops. I said it, didn't I? I guess I was raised differently. 'God damn' didn't mean anything to me growing up except that Dad, who never cussed very much, must be REALLY mad. It wasn't until I moved South that I learned of the blasphemy. I can't tell you how many devout Christians tolerate me saying 'fuck' every other word, but look as if the Devil himself arrived on the scene carrying a key lime pie when I say 'God damn'. I have to say I don't get it. It's only words. I'm not really telling God to damn anything. Heck, I don't even believe that God would damn a damn thing even if he could. Besides He's probably not going to take my advice any time soon. And given that I like girls, drink alcohol, and haven't accepted Jesus as my Savior, I'm not too worried about a few well-placed 'God damns'. Truly I think language is the least of my concerns.
Until a few moments ago I wasn't aware that euphemisms are the opposite of blaspheme. You'll have to excuse my lack of parallel structure. I should have said that eupheme is the opposite of blaspheme. Of course no one would have known what I meant. I got creative to make things easier. Forgive me. Yes, so euphemisms were once upon a time designed to avoid blasphemy. Cool, huh? Because I do love a good euphemism (I still love rationalizations more). According to Dictionary.com 'eu' means 'good' and 'pheme' means 'speaking'. I'll take care of the math for you. 'Eupheme' (euphemism) then is a manner of speaking that is good. On the contrary, blaspheme is a manner of speaking that is bad. 'God damn' is a blaspheme. 'GD' is a eupheme.
Whatever. It's the same damn thing. We all know what you mean when you say 'GD' and, incidentally, so does God. I'm not saying God cares. I'm fairly certain that He has bigger fish to fry than spending time worrying about your supposed blasphemy. Anyway, what I am saying is that euphemisms are cool because they're really just lightly breaded blasphemy. Hey, how about 'Gee'? Everyone says it, right? School kids, adults circling the drain who should be immediately concerned about their salvation. Everyone. 'Gee! That was a great movie!' or 'Gee! I'm gonna be hungover in the morning!' You know where 'Gee' comes from, don't you? (I didn't until Dictionary.com told me). It's short for Jesus. Gee = Jesus. Cool, eh? Yeah, I didn't think you'd agree with me. So, 'Gee' is a euphemism for the blasphemy of exclaiming 'Jesus'. How about 'Gee Whiz'? Sure sounds a hell of a lot like 'Je-sus', doesn't it? It seems there isn't much we can say these days.
Unless you're me and don't give a good God damn about the supposed relationship between salvation and cussing (which is just a euphemism for blasphemy anyway). Why am I the only one on Earth who sees religion as control? You don't like cussing? List all the words you don't like and tell people they're going to be damned to an eternity stoking the fires of Hell if they don't stop. Never mind what God wants or doesn't want. God supposedly wants us to stone our wives for cutting their hair (according to the Old Testament). Isn't stoning a felony (or at least a pretty high misdemeanor) in the United States? Oh, that's just that damnable separation of church and state. Yeah, we need to get rid of that. Remind me not to vote Republican in the next election. If I already have short hair when we get married, can my husband (icky) stone me?
These are truly the questions that keep me up at night. Fortunately, I'm a follower of Jesus (Gee Whiz) and realize he wasn't all that cool with a lot of things in the Old Testament, so I don't worry about crap like the punishment for selling my daughters into slavery, stealing goats, and hair cutting. Similar to Jesus, I'm not cool with a lot in the Bible. I think he'd be more than a little pissed about the Romans (and Bible scholars) interpretations of his Word. Funny, it's these interpretations that we follow today as if our salvation depended on it. Oh wait.
My logic has gotten all turned around. God damn Christianity. Fucks with my head every time. Either way, I know a good eupheme and blaspheme when I see it. GD! Gee! That's cool. I learned something new today.
Until a few moments ago I wasn't aware that euphemisms are the opposite of blaspheme. You'll have to excuse my lack of parallel structure. I should have said that eupheme is the opposite of blaspheme. Of course no one would have known what I meant. I got creative to make things easier. Forgive me. Yes, so euphemisms were once upon a time designed to avoid blasphemy. Cool, huh? Because I do love a good euphemism (I still love rationalizations more). According to Dictionary.com 'eu' means 'good' and 'pheme' means 'speaking'. I'll take care of the math for you. 'Eupheme' (euphemism) then is a manner of speaking that is good. On the contrary, blaspheme is a manner of speaking that is bad. 'God damn' is a blaspheme. 'GD' is a eupheme.
Whatever. It's the same damn thing. We all know what you mean when you say 'GD' and, incidentally, so does God. I'm not saying God cares. I'm fairly certain that He has bigger fish to fry than spending time worrying about your supposed blasphemy. Anyway, what I am saying is that euphemisms are cool because they're really just lightly breaded blasphemy. Hey, how about 'Gee'? Everyone says it, right? School kids, adults circling the drain who should be immediately concerned about their salvation. Everyone. 'Gee! That was a great movie!' or 'Gee! I'm gonna be hungover in the morning!' You know where 'Gee' comes from, don't you? (I didn't until Dictionary.com told me). It's short for Jesus. Gee = Jesus. Cool, eh? Yeah, I didn't think you'd agree with me. So, 'Gee' is a euphemism for the blasphemy of exclaiming 'Jesus'. How about 'Gee Whiz'? Sure sounds a hell of a lot like 'Je-sus', doesn't it? It seems there isn't much we can say these days.
Unless you're me and don't give a good God damn about the supposed relationship between salvation and cussing (which is just a euphemism for blasphemy anyway). Why am I the only one on Earth who sees religion as control? You don't like cussing? List all the words you don't like and tell people they're going to be damned to an eternity stoking the fires of Hell if they don't stop. Never mind what God wants or doesn't want. God supposedly wants us to stone our wives for cutting their hair (according to the Old Testament). Isn't stoning a felony (or at least a pretty high misdemeanor) in the United States? Oh, that's just that damnable separation of church and state. Yeah, we need to get rid of that. Remind me not to vote Republican in the next election. If I already have short hair when we get married, can my husband (icky) stone me?
These are truly the questions that keep me up at night. Fortunately, I'm a follower of Jesus (Gee Whiz) and realize he wasn't all that cool with a lot of things in the Old Testament, so I don't worry about crap like the punishment for selling my daughters into slavery, stealing goats, and hair cutting. Similar to Jesus, I'm not cool with a lot in the Bible. I think he'd be more than a little pissed about the Romans (and Bible scholars) interpretations of his Word. Funny, it's these interpretations that we follow today as if our salvation depended on it. Oh wait.
My logic has gotten all turned around. God damn Christianity. Fucks with my head every time. Either way, I know a good eupheme and blaspheme when I see it. GD! Gee! That's cool. I learned something new today.
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