Month-to-Month
I've decided to go month-to-month with my hair. I dislike it. I do. Categorically and with a fervor that probably borders upon hatred. I suppose when most people dislike something to this extent, especially something as readily changeable as hair, they change it. Yeah, well... I'm not 'most people'. In contrast, I'm determined to endure and find a length I may actually like. I mean before it drives me completely bonkers and I scrap the #4 guard in favor of a #2 and shave it into submission. It'll happen eventually, the craziness. I'll get tired of it an cut it off. God knows, I've done it before, so I really don't hold out much hope for it's long-term survival.
And that's why I'm going month-to-month. Sure, it's just a self created rule that I can break anytime I want, but that's not the point. The point is that I'm attempting to be patient. As we know, patience is a big thing for me and something I'm not extraordinarily good at. I'm trying to see this as a delayed gratification kind of thing (I'm usually better at delaying that plain old patience). The issue I'm having is that I don't know where I going and if it'll end up gratifying.
This is where my rubber meets the road. I can delay gratification if I can pretend to know when and where I'll get what I want. For example, I wish I could eat pizza every day but I don't. I wait it out and tell myself I'll have it tomorrow or maybe the next day. I'm able to delay because to a large extent I'm in charge of the whens and wheres. I only have to delay as long as I want to delay. This is also true of donuts, creamer in my coffee, sex (at least I like to tell myself I'm in 'charge' of this one), mango margaritas, saving for a rainy day, and mental health days.
Patience, unfortunately, is a completely different story. Patience has an indeterminate endpoint. In this case, someone else controls my destiny and, with it, the whens are wheres of when I get what I want. Cases in point - girlfriends and apparently hair growth. I'm woefully out of my league with both. I've been attempting patience with the girlfriend thing for quite some time now. I'm getting better at it, mostly because I've given up. For the most part. At least that's what I tell myself to keep myself from going impatiently crazy.
And that's why I'm going month-to-month with my hair. I'm going to 'give up' for thirty or so days every month. If on the last day of the month I don't want to cut my hair, either because it's moderately tolerable or I'm actually able to patiently await (for that particular nano-second) a time when it might look better than decent, I have to wait another month for a similar window of opportunity.
It's a great plan in theory. Of course so is the girlfriend thing and that's been working fairly well for the better part of five years. We'll see how long I can do it with my hair. I have to tell you, the weekend was rough. The wind blowing my hair in my face (well, closer to it than it has in years) was nearly a deal breaker. Today, though, I'm feeling better about it. Mostly just so I can see if I can do it. Can I endure? Can I be patient?
Good Lord, before the rumor starts let me clear something up. I don't want to 'grow my hair out'. I don't want long hair. I love my shaved head. Love it. In fact, it's the only time I ever really feel like me. So why I am letting it grow? For once I'd like cute hair and it's got to get longer before it can get cuter. I'm pretty sure that's a fact. Maybe I'll find me in cute hair. I really don't know. If I don't, I can always shave it off. Sure, it'll be a waste of money, but at least I'll know to never do it again.
And if I just keep going and going with this month-to-month thing, it'll eventually get long enough to donate to 'Locks of Love'. My hair stylist friend laughed out loud when I asked her how long it had to be before I could donate it. She seemed skeptical that I could let it grow the 10-12 inches I'd need. Yeah, so... I'm skeptical too, but at least it's out there. I'm all about giving to a good cause. At some point that might actually become readily motivating and keep me away from the clippers. You don't know. You don't know.
Ok, it's highly unlikely. I'm just happy that for now I'm good with it. I've nearly survived January. Bring on February.
And that's why I'm going month-to-month. Sure, it's just a self created rule that I can break anytime I want, but that's not the point. The point is that I'm attempting to be patient. As we know, patience is a big thing for me and something I'm not extraordinarily good at. I'm trying to see this as a delayed gratification kind of thing (I'm usually better at delaying that plain old patience). The issue I'm having is that I don't know where I going and if it'll end up gratifying.
This is where my rubber meets the road. I can delay gratification if I can pretend to know when and where I'll get what I want. For example, I wish I could eat pizza every day but I don't. I wait it out and tell myself I'll have it tomorrow or maybe the next day. I'm able to delay because to a large extent I'm in charge of the whens and wheres. I only have to delay as long as I want to delay. This is also true of donuts, creamer in my coffee, sex (at least I like to tell myself I'm in 'charge' of this one), mango margaritas, saving for a rainy day, and mental health days.
Patience, unfortunately, is a completely different story. Patience has an indeterminate endpoint. In this case, someone else controls my destiny and, with it, the whens are wheres of when I get what I want. Cases in point - girlfriends and apparently hair growth. I'm woefully out of my league with both. I've been attempting patience with the girlfriend thing for quite some time now. I'm getting better at it, mostly because I've given up. For the most part. At least that's what I tell myself to keep myself from going impatiently crazy.
And that's why I'm going month-to-month with my hair. I'm going to 'give up' for thirty or so days every month. If on the last day of the month I don't want to cut my hair, either because it's moderately tolerable or I'm actually able to patiently await (for that particular nano-second) a time when it might look better than decent, I have to wait another month for a similar window of opportunity.
It's a great plan in theory. Of course so is the girlfriend thing and that's been working fairly well for the better part of five years. We'll see how long I can do it with my hair. I have to tell you, the weekend was rough. The wind blowing my hair in my face (well, closer to it than it has in years) was nearly a deal breaker. Today, though, I'm feeling better about it. Mostly just so I can see if I can do it. Can I endure? Can I be patient?
Good Lord, before the rumor starts let me clear something up. I don't want to 'grow my hair out'. I don't want long hair. I love my shaved head. Love it. In fact, it's the only time I ever really feel like me. So why I am letting it grow? For once I'd like cute hair and it's got to get longer before it can get cuter. I'm pretty sure that's a fact. Maybe I'll find me in cute hair. I really don't know. If I don't, I can always shave it off. Sure, it'll be a waste of money, but at least I'll know to never do it again.
And if I just keep going and going with this month-to-month thing, it'll eventually get long enough to donate to 'Locks of Love'. My hair stylist friend laughed out loud when I asked her how long it had to be before I could donate it. She seemed skeptical that I could let it grow the 10-12 inches I'd need. Yeah, so... I'm skeptical too, but at least it's out there. I'm all about giving to a good cause. At some point that might actually become readily motivating and keep me away from the clippers. You don't know. You don't know.
Ok, it's highly unlikely. I'm just happy that for now I'm good with it. I've nearly survived January. Bring on February.
Comments
Post a Comment