Cliff Noted
I'm pretty sure that I'm done apologizing for it, though I'm sure I will again at some point just to be polite. I run into a lot of people who make the rash assumption that everyone is like them. Couple that with my overall, though heavily moderated, friendliness, and I'm fucked every which way from Sunday. People don't get it and, as such, don't get me. I'm not mad at them for it, even though it is incredibly frustrating.
I know I've explained these things to many people over the years. Some eventually come to understand me and stay my friend. Others understand and bolt. Still others never get it and for whatever reason chose to stay in my life anyway. I usually jettison these folks following one too many guilt trips. You see, I'm beyond lying and almost beyond apologizing. If I don't want to be around people, I'm going to say so. This, let's suffice it to say, accounts for about eighty percent of my non-sleeping, non-working life. I don't care how much I love or care about someone, I'm going to need to not be around them most of the time. And now we see why I'm still single.
Because most people don't get it, I'm going to lay out a few bullet points, a sort of 'Cliff Notes' if you will, to help people navigate the waters around me.
* It's nothing personal. You could be the love of my life and I'd still need to run screaming from you on more than the occasional occasion. If you are anything short of the love of my life? Yeah, good luck with that.
* I will drop everything if a friend is in need. I may prefer being alone, but I always help when help is needed.
* Guilt trips will always have the opposite effect. I appreciate that I am missed and it touches me deeply, but it's best to invite me once, accept my answer, and shut up. I will see you when I miss you. If you're busy at that point, it's my loss and I'm willing to accept that.
* I don't like crowds or busy places. If I have to deal with any of that, I usually prefer to do it alone or not at all.
* I abhor small talk. So, if you see me at a party and I seem bored, borderline rude, and off in my own little world, it's probably because I am bored and off in my own little world. As for being rude, it's not my intent. I will speak if spoken to but I won't volunteer much unless prodded to do so.
* I don't mind meeting new people and making new friends, but I won't go out of my way to do so. I don't have a lot of time for the friends I do have so I don't see the point in making even more I'll seldom spend time with.
* I'm not anti-communication. I love to stay in touch and chat. I simply prefer to do it via text message. If I don't answer the phone, text me. I bet I'll answer.
* I love people and I will talk to anyone, just in limited doses and preferably on my terms.
* I train alone. I had an awesome workout partner years ago who got me much like I got her. We were perfect together. I haven't worked out with anyone since. Therefore anything short of the second coming of Cindie K. Jones probably won't be met with anything more enthusiastic than a shrug.
* I disappear often. It can either be due to the rigors of life in general or my dissatisfaction with a particular individual or group. For whatever reason, I just can't do 'it' any more, regardless of what 'it' may be. The result is more or less the same. I retreat, stay away, vacate, vanish, all with little fanfare. The goal is not to make a scene or have others put up a fuss. Usually it takes even the most observant a moment or two to realize I'm gone. By then, I'm... well... gone. I will (and I almost always do) reappear eventually, but only when I'm good and ready. How long will it take? There's no telling really. It's best to ride it out silently and not pester me. Ask, accept my decline, and move on. Anything more and you run the risk of extending my disappearance. Have I lost friends along the way? Sure, but none I needed anyway. Apparently.
I've spent a lifetime trying to figure people out and I'm stuck. I don't know makes others act as they do. Hell, I barely understand why I do what I do. I can, however, tell you this about me - I'm an amalgam of introversion, agoraphobia, anxiety disorder, and an overall intolerance for interpersonal bullshit. I hope these clues and the above Cliff Notes will help others 'get it' because I'm damn tired of trying to apologize for 'it'. I'm not rude or insensitive. I'm Stacee.
I know I've explained these things to many people over the years. Some eventually come to understand me and stay my friend. Others understand and bolt. Still others never get it and for whatever reason chose to stay in my life anyway. I usually jettison these folks following one too many guilt trips. You see, I'm beyond lying and almost beyond apologizing. If I don't want to be around people, I'm going to say so. This, let's suffice it to say, accounts for about eighty percent of my non-sleeping, non-working life. I don't care how much I love or care about someone, I'm going to need to not be around them most of the time. And now we see why I'm still single.
Because most people don't get it, I'm going to lay out a few bullet points, a sort of 'Cliff Notes' if you will, to help people navigate the waters around me.
* It's nothing personal. You could be the love of my life and I'd still need to run screaming from you on more than the occasional occasion. If you are anything short of the love of my life? Yeah, good luck with that.
* I will drop everything if a friend is in need. I may prefer being alone, but I always help when help is needed.
* Guilt trips will always have the opposite effect. I appreciate that I am missed and it touches me deeply, but it's best to invite me once, accept my answer, and shut up. I will see you when I miss you. If you're busy at that point, it's my loss and I'm willing to accept that.
* I don't like crowds or busy places. If I have to deal with any of that, I usually prefer to do it alone or not at all.
* I abhor small talk. So, if you see me at a party and I seem bored, borderline rude, and off in my own little world, it's probably because I am bored and off in my own little world. As for being rude, it's not my intent. I will speak if spoken to but I won't volunteer much unless prodded to do so.
* I don't mind meeting new people and making new friends, but I won't go out of my way to do so. I don't have a lot of time for the friends I do have so I don't see the point in making even more I'll seldom spend time with.
* I'm not anti-communication. I love to stay in touch and chat. I simply prefer to do it via text message. If I don't answer the phone, text me. I bet I'll answer.
* I love people and I will talk to anyone, just in limited doses and preferably on my terms.
* I train alone. I had an awesome workout partner years ago who got me much like I got her. We were perfect together. I haven't worked out with anyone since. Therefore anything short of the second coming of Cindie K. Jones probably won't be met with anything more enthusiastic than a shrug.
* I disappear often. It can either be due to the rigors of life in general or my dissatisfaction with a particular individual or group. For whatever reason, I just can't do 'it' any more, regardless of what 'it' may be. The result is more or less the same. I retreat, stay away, vacate, vanish, all with little fanfare. The goal is not to make a scene or have others put up a fuss. Usually it takes even the most observant a moment or two to realize I'm gone. By then, I'm... well... gone. I will (and I almost always do) reappear eventually, but only when I'm good and ready. How long will it take? There's no telling really. It's best to ride it out silently and not pester me. Ask, accept my decline, and move on. Anything more and you run the risk of extending my disappearance. Have I lost friends along the way? Sure, but none I needed anyway. Apparently.
I've spent a lifetime trying to figure people out and I'm stuck. I don't know makes others act as they do. Hell, I barely understand why I do what I do. I can, however, tell you this about me - I'm an amalgam of introversion, agoraphobia, anxiety disorder, and an overall intolerance for interpersonal bullshit. I hope these clues and the above Cliff Notes will help others 'get it' because I'm damn tired of trying to apologize for 'it'. I'm not rude or insensitive. I'm Stacee.
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