Everything to Everyone
I was told the other day that I'm the 'Gorilla Glue' that holds things together at work. I don't know if everyone gets the 'you can't ever leave again' reception when they get back from a week of vacation, but I sure did. It's bittersweet really. I love being wanted, needed, and loved. I do. I promise I do. I'm just getting tired of the demands. After barely an hour back following a reasonably restful vacation, I was exhausted. Not of the work itself, but of being pulled in a thousand different directions with each direction thinking it was the priority. I know I was gone for a week and a lot of things didn't get done. I understand. However, that said, I'm only one person. One.
At this point, I'm four months from my next vacation and wishing it started tomorrow. Up until yesterday, I loved my job. I enjoyed being wanted, needed, and loved. Now I'm just sick of it all. It honestly sucks being everything to everyone. Stacee, Stacee, Stacee, Stacee, Stacee. It never ends. I get it from parking lot to parking lot, meaning as I walk in and as I walk out for the day. I wish it meant job security, but it doesn't. The powers-that-be are still not fond of me and the job I do. They don't see it from their lofty perspective. If only they could be a fly on the wall of my office for a few minutes and see everything I actually do.
I guess having a week to myself with no one demanding my attention has changed my perspective(either that or being off my meds has finally caught up with me). After just two days, I'm ready to run screaming. I need a mountain top or a deserted beach or just a quiet cubicle. I'm done with ringing phones, 'Are you busy?', and the name 'Stacee'. Without a doubt, I need a change.
I don't know what I need that change to be. Fewer demands would be great. Quiet would be great. Less interaction with people would be great. I think I would simply like to step back. I would love to go to work, not talk to anyone, and come home. I'm sure I'd get sick of it soon enough, but right now it seems beyond fabulous.
I believe I've hit my limit. For a long time, I was good with work and people and the demands that went with that combination. I just came home at the end of the day, retreated from the world, and lived in silence. Now, though, I feel like those few hours at home aren't enough. It's not that I want to trade one for the other. I'm good with my quiet, solitary life and I don't expect nor want to add anything to it. Work, though, is over the top and I'm tired. Those eight-plus hours wear me out. I hesitate to call them a beating, but these days they are close.
Suffice it to say, the Gorilla Glue is exhausted. My vacation highlighted a lot of issues for me. My tolerance is gone, completely gone. I find myself growing impatient with people and I bite my tongue often. It's so unlike me, but I have to remind myself to be nice. If I don't make a change soon, it's going to get ugly and I don't like ugly. The bottom line is that I no longer want to be everything to everyone. I don't know how to do that just yet, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
At this point, I'm four months from my next vacation and wishing it started tomorrow. Up until yesterday, I loved my job. I enjoyed being wanted, needed, and loved. Now I'm just sick of it all. It honestly sucks being everything to everyone. Stacee, Stacee, Stacee, Stacee, Stacee. It never ends. I get it from parking lot to parking lot, meaning as I walk in and as I walk out for the day. I wish it meant job security, but it doesn't. The powers-that-be are still not fond of me and the job I do. They don't see it from their lofty perspective. If only they could be a fly on the wall of my office for a few minutes and see everything I actually do.
I guess having a week to myself with no one demanding my attention has changed my perspective(either that or being off my meds has finally caught up with me). After just two days, I'm ready to run screaming. I need a mountain top or a deserted beach or just a quiet cubicle. I'm done with ringing phones, 'Are you busy?', and the name 'Stacee'. Without a doubt, I need a change.
I don't know what I need that change to be. Fewer demands would be great. Quiet would be great. Less interaction with people would be great. I think I would simply like to step back. I would love to go to work, not talk to anyone, and come home. I'm sure I'd get sick of it soon enough, but right now it seems beyond fabulous.
I believe I've hit my limit. For a long time, I was good with work and people and the demands that went with that combination. I just came home at the end of the day, retreated from the world, and lived in silence. Now, though, I feel like those few hours at home aren't enough. It's not that I want to trade one for the other. I'm good with my quiet, solitary life and I don't expect nor want to add anything to it. Work, though, is over the top and I'm tired. Those eight-plus hours wear me out. I hesitate to call them a beating, but these days they are close.
Suffice it to say, the Gorilla Glue is exhausted. My vacation highlighted a lot of issues for me. My tolerance is gone, completely gone. I find myself growing impatient with people and I bite my tongue often. It's so unlike me, but I have to remind myself to be nice. If I don't make a change soon, it's going to get ugly and I don't like ugly. The bottom line is that I no longer want to be everything to everyone. I don't know how to do that just yet, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
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