A Little More Rope
I have good intuition. Mostly this intuition is about people and their actions and how those actions may relate to me. I've caught girlfriends cheating and friends lying. Suffice it to say that I know what I know. Very often I have no idea how I know, just that I do.
I've thought long and hard about where my intuition comes from. I've had it since I was a kid. My mom always said I had good common sense and seemed to think that may have helped with my intuition. Growing up, I'd get feelings about people and places. In most instances, time proved me right. My mom got used to me 'just not liking someone' and learned to give me space. Of course, she always encouraged me to keep an open mind, which I became quite good at. I've never held my intuitions against anyone and I usually hope against hope that I'm somehow wrong. I really and truly want to think the best of people. It's just that some people turn out to not be worth that faith. I do, however, protect myself a little along the way.
Assuredly, I've been blind in the past. Beauty and connection have been known to throw me off. Occasionally, I fall prey to wishful thinking and decide not to heed my intuition. I know I should; my intuition is seldom wrong. I know it's going to end with a big thud, but something in me encourages me on regardless of the inevitable consequences.
I have a rule in friendships and relationships - I trust until I can't. Always. How else am I going to know if someone is trustworthy? They have to earn it? How? By letting them demonstrate trustworthy behaviors? Um, in order to do that, you have to trust them, don't you? It's not like I give away the keys to the city or my PIN number. I trust them with the little things. For example, I take them at their word. You'll check on my dogs for me on Wednesday? You'll pay me back the $10 you owe me when you get paid? You're not dating that girl? If they follow through, it's all good. If they don't, trust erodes.
Facts are facts, but usually my intuition knows before I ever see any factual evidence. From there I ask a lot of open ended questions. And much like a good prosecuting attorney, I already have an idea what the answer is going to be. By the time I ask, it's nearly a given. I know what I know and I'm just waiting for an honest answer. Which they usually learn to give after telling a few lies and/or half truths. I call these 'nails in the coffin'. At this point, I usually lead them to believe that I believe them.
I call this 'giving them a little more rope', rope they'll eventually hang themselves with. Figuratively speaking, of course.
So, how do I know what I know? Where does my intuition come from?
1. I pay attention.
2. I listen.
3. I have a good memory, especially when I have a vested interest. Reference Numbers 1 and 2 and you will understand just how scary this combination can be.
4. I'm a logical thinker with good common sense.
5. I believe that, if something sounds too good to be true, 9 times out of 10 it is.
6. I'm good at basic math - A plus B equal C each and every time. Likewise, B plus X doesn't equal A. Ever. In other words, some things add up and some don't.
7. If something is different, it means something has changed. A change to the status quo is always a sign that something is going down or about to go down.
8. I'm slightly paranoid.
9. For all my positive attitude about the world, I truly believe that if left to their own devices, most people will lie, cheat, and steal from their own mother. Especially if they think they won't get caught.
10. I don't believe in coincidences.
Knowledge is power, but it's not always fun. It can be painful when you know that someone can't be trusted or when you know negative change is coming. Building the case may sound fun. It's not. Recently the only happiness I gained from a situation was that my intuition wasn't wrong. I honestly hoped it was. Long story short, I knew she was lying, but wasn't sure of the details. Sure enough a few well-placed questions and everything was out in the open. Lies are lies in my book. Her failure to follow through on a commitment only added nails to her coffin. It's funny how these things can snowball. One accusation leads to another and another and more ugly truth.
Right now, she's playing with a little more rope. She'll either hang herself or she won't. We'll either continue the friendship or we won't. Sadly, I don't hold out much hope. She's young, petulant, and immature. Sooner or later, she's going to make a bad decision and prove herself less than trustworthy. Why do I stick around in such situations? Because like trust, everyone has to be given the latitude to change. In this case, I laid out the Expectations of Friendship as I see them. It's up to her to change or not.
And it all started with a bad feeling Saturday morning. Something was up. I just didn't know what yet. Three days later, after some cursory fact finding and an increased attention to detail, I got direct confirmation that my intuition was right. As much as I love being right, it's never good in these situations. I found out that yet another friend was being less than honest with me. I may give out trust like it's candy, when that trust erodes or explodes I'm the first one to the door. It's not like my expectations are very high - communicate honestly and be genuine. That's it.
Sometimes I wish my damned intuition wasn't so good. Just once I'd like to live in ignorant bliss. Sadly, that's not going to happen. My intuition, for better or worse, protects me and, if I'm going to live out here in the real world, I'm going to need it. In meantime, I'm going to wait and see what my friend does with that rope. I'm sure my intuition will know before I do.
I've thought long and hard about where my intuition comes from. I've had it since I was a kid. My mom always said I had good common sense and seemed to think that may have helped with my intuition. Growing up, I'd get feelings about people and places. In most instances, time proved me right. My mom got used to me 'just not liking someone' and learned to give me space. Of course, she always encouraged me to keep an open mind, which I became quite good at. I've never held my intuitions against anyone and I usually hope against hope that I'm somehow wrong. I really and truly want to think the best of people. It's just that some people turn out to not be worth that faith. I do, however, protect myself a little along the way.
Assuredly, I've been blind in the past. Beauty and connection have been known to throw me off. Occasionally, I fall prey to wishful thinking and decide not to heed my intuition. I know I should; my intuition is seldom wrong. I know it's going to end with a big thud, but something in me encourages me on regardless of the inevitable consequences.
I have a rule in friendships and relationships - I trust until I can't. Always. How else am I going to know if someone is trustworthy? They have to earn it? How? By letting them demonstrate trustworthy behaviors? Um, in order to do that, you have to trust them, don't you? It's not like I give away the keys to the city or my PIN number. I trust them with the little things. For example, I take them at their word. You'll check on my dogs for me on Wednesday? You'll pay me back the $10 you owe me when you get paid? You're not dating that girl? If they follow through, it's all good. If they don't, trust erodes.
Facts are facts, but usually my intuition knows before I ever see any factual evidence. From there I ask a lot of open ended questions. And much like a good prosecuting attorney, I already have an idea what the answer is going to be. By the time I ask, it's nearly a given. I know what I know and I'm just waiting for an honest answer. Which they usually learn to give after telling a few lies and/or half truths. I call these 'nails in the coffin'. At this point, I usually lead them to believe that I believe them.
I call this 'giving them a little more rope', rope they'll eventually hang themselves with. Figuratively speaking, of course.
So, how do I know what I know? Where does my intuition come from?
1. I pay attention.
2. I listen.
3. I have a good memory, especially when I have a vested interest. Reference Numbers 1 and 2 and you will understand just how scary this combination can be.
4. I'm a logical thinker with good common sense.
5. I believe that, if something sounds too good to be true, 9 times out of 10 it is.
6. I'm good at basic math - A plus B equal C each and every time. Likewise, B plus X doesn't equal A. Ever. In other words, some things add up and some don't.
7. If something is different, it means something has changed. A change to the status quo is always a sign that something is going down or about to go down.
8. I'm slightly paranoid.
9. For all my positive attitude about the world, I truly believe that if left to their own devices, most people will lie, cheat, and steal from their own mother. Especially if they think they won't get caught.
10. I don't believe in coincidences.
Knowledge is power, but it's not always fun. It can be painful when you know that someone can't be trusted or when you know negative change is coming. Building the case may sound fun. It's not. Recently the only happiness I gained from a situation was that my intuition wasn't wrong. I honestly hoped it was. Long story short, I knew she was lying, but wasn't sure of the details. Sure enough a few well-placed questions and everything was out in the open. Lies are lies in my book. Her failure to follow through on a commitment only added nails to her coffin. It's funny how these things can snowball. One accusation leads to another and another and more ugly truth.
Right now, she's playing with a little more rope. She'll either hang herself or she won't. We'll either continue the friendship or we won't. Sadly, I don't hold out much hope. She's young, petulant, and immature. Sooner or later, she's going to make a bad decision and prove herself less than trustworthy. Why do I stick around in such situations? Because like trust, everyone has to be given the latitude to change. In this case, I laid out the Expectations of Friendship as I see them. It's up to her to change or not.
And it all started with a bad feeling Saturday morning. Something was up. I just didn't know what yet. Three days later, after some cursory fact finding and an increased attention to detail, I got direct confirmation that my intuition was right. As much as I love being right, it's never good in these situations. I found out that yet another friend was being less than honest with me. I may give out trust like it's candy, when that trust erodes or explodes I'm the first one to the door. It's not like my expectations are very high - communicate honestly and be genuine. That's it.
Sometimes I wish my damned intuition wasn't so good. Just once I'd like to live in ignorant bliss. Sadly, that's not going to happen. My intuition, for better or worse, protects me and, if I'm going to live out here in the real world, I'm going to need it. In meantime, I'm going to wait and see what my friend does with that rope. I'm sure my intuition will know before I do.
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