Armando's Blog - Further Thoughts About What's Next (From May 2010)
Because he will forever be a part of my consciousness.... RIP Armando.
~
'We all live. We all die
But the end is not goodbye
The sun comes up, and seasons change
But through it all, love remains.'
~ From Collin Raye, "Love Remains"
I know what I know and I believe what I believe. And I have to. I just have to. I can't go through life thinking that The End is the end, that there's is nothing beyond this life. I can't live in fear of dying, of no longer living. I can't live knowing that my soul is mortal, no better than flesh. I must believe this for me. And this week I learned that I must believe this for Armando. And everyone else, I guess.
I am very lucky to be a stranger to death. I lost all my grandparents by the time I was thirteen and we lived so far away that their deaths didn't impact me that much at all. My mother told me that my grandmother was above the clouds in Heaven and I assumed in my early childhood notions that was where everyone went when they died. In many ways, my theories about death and dying haven't changed exponentially. I believed then as I believe now that there is something beyond physical, Earthly death. Then I called it "Heaven". Now I call it "What's Next". Somehow, some way our souls live on and we return to Earth in another form to learn more and more lessons until we finally reach a point where we are God-like. When we become God-like, we can reside for all Eternity with God or we can choose to start the process all over again and return to Earth with a new soul and a totally blank slate.
In my adulthood, I have lost two friends - Cory Lohmann on December 1, 1997 and Armando Medina on May 21, 2010. Cory was twenty-nine and Armando was twenty-four. They were kind, sweet, and loving souls and amazing men who touched me deeper than they ever probably knew. They had a lightness and a depth of being. They were good, not perfect assuredly, but good. And they were my friends. I cannot think for a moment that they are simply dead and gone.
Because of them, if no one else, I refuse to believe that nothing comes next. If there's nothing, then those wonderful, beautiful souls cease to exist, if they even existed in the first place. I cannot believe that. I need to know that they have moved onto What's Next, that they are happy, at peace, and living on. I struggled this week juggling my sadness for me and my happiness for Armando. The only thing that brought me any sanity was the thought that he is somewhere a little closer to God than he was on Earth and getting ready for his next great adventure. My sadness over the loss of my friend and co-worker I can deal with. Work will never be the same. It'll be a long time before I stop looking down every aisle hoping against hope that somehow he will be there with some sweetly smart ass comment for me. When I hear a noise behind me, I hope against hope that it's him with a big pile of trash and cardboard telling me to get my mess out of his way. I can hear his voice in my head, see his smile, and feel his goodness.
I never told him how much I enjoyed him, that he was one of my favorite people, that my life wouldn't be the same without him. I never told Cory either. I was remiss and that makes me sad. But given that I know what I know, I know they know in death what I never told them in life.
I trust in God. And I trust in What's Next. "We all live and we all die, but the end is not goodbye". Love does remain. It does. It lives on our souls for all Eternity in What's Next. So, don't rest in peace, Armando. Be your sweet, smart ass self and get on with What's Next. Just know that we will remember you always.
~
'We all live. We all die
But the end is not goodbye
The sun comes up, and seasons change
But through it all, love remains.'
~ From Collin Raye, "Love Remains"
I know what I know and I believe what I believe. And I have to. I just have to. I can't go through life thinking that The End is the end, that there's is nothing beyond this life. I can't live in fear of dying, of no longer living. I can't live knowing that my soul is mortal, no better than flesh. I must believe this for me. And this week I learned that I must believe this for Armando. And everyone else, I guess.
I am very lucky to be a stranger to death. I lost all my grandparents by the time I was thirteen and we lived so far away that their deaths didn't impact me that much at all. My mother told me that my grandmother was above the clouds in Heaven and I assumed in my early childhood notions that was where everyone went when they died. In many ways, my theories about death and dying haven't changed exponentially. I believed then as I believe now that there is something beyond physical, Earthly death. Then I called it "Heaven". Now I call it "What's Next". Somehow, some way our souls live on and we return to Earth in another form to learn more and more lessons until we finally reach a point where we are God-like. When we become God-like, we can reside for all Eternity with God or we can choose to start the process all over again and return to Earth with a new soul and a totally blank slate.
In my adulthood, I have lost two friends - Cory Lohmann on December 1, 1997 and Armando Medina on May 21, 2010. Cory was twenty-nine and Armando was twenty-four. They were kind, sweet, and loving souls and amazing men who touched me deeper than they ever probably knew. They had a lightness and a depth of being. They were good, not perfect assuredly, but good. And they were my friends. I cannot think for a moment that they are simply dead and gone.
Because of them, if no one else, I refuse to believe that nothing comes next. If there's nothing, then those wonderful, beautiful souls cease to exist, if they even existed in the first place. I cannot believe that. I need to know that they have moved onto What's Next, that they are happy, at peace, and living on. I struggled this week juggling my sadness for me and my happiness for Armando. The only thing that brought me any sanity was the thought that he is somewhere a little closer to God than he was on Earth and getting ready for his next great adventure. My sadness over the loss of my friend and co-worker I can deal with. Work will never be the same. It'll be a long time before I stop looking down every aisle hoping against hope that somehow he will be there with some sweetly smart ass comment for me. When I hear a noise behind me, I hope against hope that it's him with a big pile of trash and cardboard telling me to get my mess out of his way. I can hear his voice in my head, see his smile, and feel his goodness.
I never told him how much I enjoyed him, that he was one of my favorite people, that my life wouldn't be the same without him. I never told Cory either. I was remiss and that makes me sad. But given that I know what I know, I know they know in death what I never told them in life.
I trust in God. And I trust in What's Next. "We all live and we all die, but the end is not goodbye". Love does remain. It does. It lives on our souls for all Eternity in What's Next. So, don't rest in peace, Armando. Be your sweet, smart ass self and get on with What's Next. Just know that we will remember you always.
Comments
Post a Comment