Grid Jumping
At the moment, I'm off the grid and happy.This morning as I was driving to work, I kept thinking that if I could just survive until 5:00, I'd be ok. I've needed a little time just for me and something about today's schedule told me that tonight might be a good night. I would be off too late to hang out with a friend, yet early enough to enjoy the evening. I call that a perfect night for grid jumping.
Then I got off work two hours early. I very nearly planned myself back onto the grid, but talked myself out of it. Go see a friend. Go to the gym. Go to HEB. Run. I said NO to all of it because not only do I need some time off the grid, but I also need some time to do absolutely nothing (except write apparently). I've been burning it at both ends for awhile now. Between work and friends and working out and writing, I've had little time just to be. I need that time. NEED IT.
Even though I'm always doing, moving, and going, I never seem to accomplish much. Usually it bothers me so I keep going and going until I can't go anymore. Tonight, however, I have decided that it's ok. I'm not planning to accomplish a damn thing and I'm going to be happy about it. Or at the very least not be unhappy about it.
Sure, there are lots of things I could be (and probably should be) doing. In my defense, I am currently doing a load of laundry. I'm not sure if it'll get folded tonight. That's the part that really sucks and could be considered 'doing something'. Putting it in the washer and then in the dryer isn't much of anything. I'll decide about folding when we get there. As for everything else, I'm sending it on it's way tonight. That includes friends and their text messages, loud rock music, the gym, bills that are due soon, and the essay I need to write for my grad school application.
Instead, I'm going to work at actually relaxing. Traditionally I suck at it. My mind, body, and soul prefer action and interaction. I don't sit still well and require near constant multitasking so I don't fidget or otherwise make myself crazy. In other words, I always have to be doing something. This could be watching 'Sports Center', texting, social networking, taking notes for a new blog, reading, telling the dogs to mind, Googling or Wikipedia-ing something. All at the same time. Tonight I'm going to try to block everything out and find contentment off the grid. I'm sure it will work for awhile. Until I decide that I should really go to the gym. Or until the book I'm reading gets boring.
Very simply, I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not doing anything with myself. I do, however, love being alone while all of this is going on (or not going on). I guess that's the true meaning of being 'off the grid'. There are moments when I just have to step back and disconnect. This is one of those nights. I really don't want to talk to anyone or hear about their problems and issues. I want a night to be about me and only me. In that way, it's not simply about not doing anything. It's also about not doing anything with anyone.
Not only is tonight ready made schedule-wise for grid jumping, today is/was 'my Thursday' (the wonders of a retail schedule that has me working Saturday through Wednesday most weeks) and I've just about had it for the week. The real Thursday is my Saturday and if I don't want to spend my two days off buried in a hole somewhere, I need a few hours off the grid. And that's what I'm going to do. Assuredly, I'll bounce back tomorrow and reappear, but for tonight I'm out. Or off. Whichever way you want to look at it.
And with that, I'm gone.
Then I got off work two hours early. I very nearly planned myself back onto the grid, but talked myself out of it. Go see a friend. Go to the gym. Go to HEB. Run. I said NO to all of it because not only do I need some time off the grid, but I also need some time to do absolutely nothing (except write apparently). I've been burning it at both ends for awhile now. Between work and friends and working out and writing, I've had little time just to be. I need that time. NEED IT.
Even though I'm always doing, moving, and going, I never seem to accomplish much. Usually it bothers me so I keep going and going until I can't go anymore. Tonight, however, I have decided that it's ok. I'm not planning to accomplish a damn thing and I'm going to be happy about it. Or at the very least not be unhappy about it.
Sure, there are lots of things I could be (and probably should be) doing. In my defense, I am currently doing a load of laundry. I'm not sure if it'll get folded tonight. That's the part that really sucks and could be considered 'doing something'. Putting it in the washer and then in the dryer isn't much of anything. I'll decide about folding when we get there. As for everything else, I'm sending it on it's way tonight. That includes friends and their text messages, loud rock music, the gym, bills that are due soon, and the essay I need to write for my grad school application.
Instead, I'm going to work at actually relaxing. Traditionally I suck at it. My mind, body, and soul prefer action and interaction. I don't sit still well and require near constant multitasking so I don't fidget or otherwise make myself crazy. In other words, I always have to be doing something. This could be watching 'Sports Center', texting, social networking, taking notes for a new blog, reading, telling the dogs to mind, Googling or Wikipedia-ing something. All at the same time. Tonight I'm going to try to block everything out and find contentment off the grid. I'm sure it will work for awhile. Until I decide that I should really go to the gym. Or until the book I'm reading gets boring.
Very simply, I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not doing anything with myself. I do, however, love being alone while all of this is going on (or not going on). I guess that's the true meaning of being 'off the grid'. There are moments when I just have to step back and disconnect. This is one of those nights. I really don't want to talk to anyone or hear about their problems and issues. I want a night to be about me and only me. In that way, it's not simply about not doing anything. It's also about not doing anything with anyone.
Not only is tonight ready made schedule-wise for grid jumping, today is/was 'my Thursday' (the wonders of a retail schedule that has me working Saturday through Wednesday most weeks) and I've just about had it for the week. The real Thursday is my Saturday and if I don't want to spend my two days off buried in a hole somewhere, I need a few hours off the grid. And that's what I'm going to do. Assuredly, I'll bounce back tomorrow and reappear, but for tonight I'm out. Or off. Whichever way you want to look at it.
And with that, I'm gone.
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