Getting 'Real'
I officially submitted my grad school application to St. Edwards University yesterday. Truly, I feel better about my application (even though I could never get the essay to format right) than I do my ability to succeed amid the academic bullshit that will inevitably threaten to take over my life. Once upon a time, I was good student. Of course once upon a time, I could tolerate inordinate amounts of bullshit. Unfortunately, twenty years in the 'real world' has done little to improve my opinion of academia and it's view of how things work in said 'real world'. I promise you, this go-round I'm going to call Likert scales (you know, 'on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being totally sucky and 5 being way cool, how would you rate blah-blah-blah...') by their 'real' name - Bull Fucking Shit. I wish the folks at St. Edwards luck. Let's just hope they don't read this blog before accepting me.
When I went to grad school for the first time back in 1992, I was jaded. In other words, I was still a believer. I read psych study after psych study in college and thought they represented the gospel truth. Then I arrived at Kansas State University and I was graded on my ability to pick apart those same studies. Apparently I became quite good at it because not only did I master the art of the 4.0 but I was voted 'Outstanding Graduate Student' following my first year. My second year was fraught with reality - my parents' divorce, continued anorexia, a broken leg, and a failed attempt at a bullshit Likert scale based Master's thesis. I emerged from that year a different person. Oh, I still got my A's, even though I was accused by a professor of doing only enough to get the A (um... then why did you give an A? Just asking...), but I was more or less done with traditional academia.
Several years later I told a highly educated co-worker that he didn't have a clue and, if he continued to believe what 'the book said', he never would. Sure sounds like my relationship with faith, doesn't it? I can't tell you how many times I've been told that I don't know God because I've never read His word. By that, I think they mean The Bible. Funny, I don't see His name on the cover. You know, as in 'The Bible' by God. I've always insisted that God is in the 'real world' experience of Him rather than in some dusty, archaic, old book written by a bunch of two thousand year old Rome-o-phobic, and thus homophobic, Hebrew men.
I still have no idea how I could ever possibly pretend to know God through those words. Instead, I choose to see God in every moment of every day. In the blue sky and green grass. In the scorpion that crossed my path Thursday night. In the homeless guy who wouldn't take my pennies at the corner of Slaughter and I-35 Friday afternoon. In the negative Nelly and extremely color-conscious customer who couldn't quite seem to decide on a 'white' for her baseboards. In the women who hate me. In the women who love me. In the most amazing Grace that I see, feel, and touch on a daily basis. These are the things of my faith. These are the 'real world'.
Tunnel vision and Likert scales will never be the 'real world' to me. I see a great challenge on the horizon. Can I do grad school on my terms? Can I limit reading and maximize experience? Can I find a way to capture the 'real world' and make it work for academia? Can I change my little corner of academia? Can change my little corner of the world?
I chose St. Edwards University, a small, private, Catholic university, for it's location as much as for it's purported openness. They welcome diversity and encourage an exploration of the world outside the traditional classroom. I decided upon a Masters of Liberal Arts (MLA) , not because I like or appreciate liberal studies, but because the program allows students to align their course of study with their individual interests. I hope to study the evolution of faith and its expression in individuals as well as within societies and cultures as a whole. For example, I want to understand how and why Big Religion and Big Spirit are both on the rise in American society. Sounds like a Master's thesis topic, doesn't it? I'm hoping St. Edwards lets me take a few liberties with academic tradition and free-wheel a little.
We'll see. I'm coming in with some pretty powerful ideas and an extreme dislike of reading. I'm hoping they are open-minded enough to accept my unorthodox views of academia. And faith. Because I plan to challenge both. Catholicism doesn't scare me. I've gone head-to-head with Baptists and a few Dutch Reformed. What's the worst that happens in this situation? They expel me? God knows I'm not going to run screaming and quit. There is far too much satisfaction gained from watching folks squirm when faced with the 'real world' and 'real faith'.
I refuse to emerge from this stint in academia with an ability to regurgitate it's version of the Truth. I will never trust The Word if I can't see it. In other words, if it doesn't occur in the 'real world' it has no place in my consciousness. I'm arrogant? Cocky? I can't possibly change the way things are done? Hmm... They also said I couldn't open minds in East Texas. It might be best to stand well clear of the splash zone. Getting 'Real'. Coming in the Fall of 2012 and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Sure, St. Ed's might cut it short, but that's on them.
When I went to grad school for the first time back in 1992, I was jaded. In other words, I was still a believer. I read psych study after psych study in college and thought they represented the gospel truth. Then I arrived at Kansas State University and I was graded on my ability to pick apart those same studies. Apparently I became quite good at it because not only did I master the art of the 4.0 but I was voted 'Outstanding Graduate Student' following my first year. My second year was fraught with reality - my parents' divorce, continued anorexia, a broken leg, and a failed attempt at a bullshit Likert scale based Master's thesis. I emerged from that year a different person. Oh, I still got my A's, even though I was accused by a professor of doing only enough to get the A (um... then why did you give an A? Just asking...), but I was more or less done with traditional academia.
Several years later I told a highly educated co-worker that he didn't have a clue and, if he continued to believe what 'the book said', he never would. Sure sounds like my relationship with faith, doesn't it? I can't tell you how many times I've been told that I don't know God because I've never read His word. By that, I think they mean The Bible. Funny, I don't see His name on the cover. You know, as in 'The Bible' by God. I've always insisted that God is in the 'real world' experience of Him rather than in some dusty, archaic, old book written by a bunch of two thousand year old Rome-o-phobic, and thus homophobic, Hebrew men.
I still have no idea how I could ever possibly pretend to know God through those words. Instead, I choose to see God in every moment of every day. In the blue sky and green grass. In the scorpion that crossed my path Thursday night. In the homeless guy who wouldn't take my pennies at the corner of Slaughter and I-35 Friday afternoon. In the negative Nelly and extremely color-conscious customer who couldn't quite seem to decide on a 'white' for her baseboards. In the women who hate me. In the women who love me. In the most amazing Grace that I see, feel, and touch on a daily basis. These are the things of my faith. These are the 'real world'.
Tunnel vision and Likert scales will never be the 'real world' to me. I see a great challenge on the horizon. Can I do grad school on my terms? Can I limit reading and maximize experience? Can I find a way to capture the 'real world' and make it work for academia? Can I change my little corner of academia? Can change my little corner of the world?
I chose St. Edwards University, a small, private, Catholic university, for it's location as much as for it's purported openness. They welcome diversity and encourage an exploration of the world outside the traditional classroom. I decided upon a Masters of Liberal Arts (MLA) , not because I like or appreciate liberal studies, but because the program allows students to align their course of study with their individual interests. I hope to study the evolution of faith and its expression in individuals as well as within societies and cultures as a whole. For example, I want to understand how and why Big Religion and Big Spirit are both on the rise in American society. Sounds like a Master's thesis topic, doesn't it? I'm hoping St. Edwards lets me take a few liberties with academic tradition and free-wheel a little.
We'll see. I'm coming in with some pretty powerful ideas and an extreme dislike of reading. I'm hoping they are open-minded enough to accept my unorthodox views of academia. And faith. Because I plan to challenge both. Catholicism doesn't scare me. I've gone head-to-head with Baptists and a few Dutch Reformed. What's the worst that happens in this situation? They expel me? God knows I'm not going to run screaming and quit. There is far too much satisfaction gained from watching folks squirm when faced with the 'real world' and 'real faith'.
I refuse to emerge from this stint in academia with an ability to regurgitate it's version of the Truth. I will never trust The Word if I can't see it. In other words, if it doesn't occur in the 'real world' it has no place in my consciousness. I'm arrogant? Cocky? I can't possibly change the way things are done? Hmm... They also said I couldn't open minds in East Texas. It might be best to stand well clear of the splash zone. Getting 'Real'. Coming in the Fall of 2012 and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Sure, St. Ed's might cut it short, but that's on them.
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