Tiny Spoonfuls Aside

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I measure my fear in the tiniest of spoonfuls. I learned long ago to resist. It seems so human to give in - to worry, to jealousy, to fear. It would have been easy. Instead, for eight months, I woke every morning and thanked God for the beauty He had placed in my world. My gratitude allowed me to embrace each day, each moment, each nano-second for what it was - utterly breathtaking perfection. Sure, the inevitable eventually happened, but I didn't spend our time together fearing it. I embraced her, us, and who I was with her. Maybe something in me knew it wouldn't last forever. And now, very nearly a decade later, I'm more than good with it. Because I steadfastly pushed away fear, I was free to love.

Because I steadfastly push away fear, I am free to love. The spoonfuls get smaller and smaller, but I still have moments of doubt, moments when I have to consciously remind myself to be present and thankful. Because this too shall pass. Everything does.

She did. They all did. Tomorrow will be no different. I have but one choice - to spend the time I have in fear or in love. Tiny spoonfuls aside, I choose love. Perfect or imperfect, I am grateful. Eternally and infinitely grateful. For me. For all. For everything.

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