It's in the Apostrophes
I may not date much in the traditional sense, but I sure do have a lot of great 'dates'. Most of the women I 'date' are dating other people. Well, either that or they're straight and not interested in dating a lesbian. Luckily, they're cool with 'dating' a lesbian (whether they know they are or not). There's a difference, you know, between dating and 'dating'. The nuances are more subtle than most think, but they are important nonetheless. Especially to the girlfriends of the women I 'date'. And to the straight girls who love going out with me, but can't go out with me go out with me. To them, it's all in apostrophes.
In truth, I don't mind the apostrophes. It is what it is. More often than not, I'm ecstatic (and relieved) to have them there. You see, dating in the real sense (sans apostrophes) leads to more dating which can lead to commitment which can lead to a discussion of gay marriage vs. civil union. Generally speaking, I try to avoid these kinds of discussions for political and interpersonal reasons. First of all, I'm not sure I care one way or the other if gays can marry (and yes, I'm gay) which generally draws incredulous looks and starts arguments with gays and straights alike. Second of all, I don't want to be married (gay or otherwise) nor do I want to be civilly unionized.
So, see? For someone like me, there's safety in apostrophes. I get to go out, have fun, flirt, and feel loved without any long term ramifications. I go home; she goes home. I may keep thinking about her for a few minutes or struggle to find sleep, but facts are always facts - She's with someone else. Or at the very least she's not with me and is never going to be. On so many levels most may never understand, I'm more than good with that.
The girlfriends also love the safety in apostrophes. Dating someone else isn't ok, but 'dating' is. After all, it's just my shorthand and doesn't really mean anything anyway. They trust me, even if they don't trust their girlfriend, and 'date' night means they get a night away to do whatever they want to do. I really think my openness about 'dating' their girlfriend sells it. If I was at all murky about our relationship, things probably wouldn't go as well for me. After all, I am single and halfway decent looking. I could probably be a threat if they wanted me to be one. Or if I wanted to be one. Eh, no thanks. Drama lives down that road and I'm not one to go poking it with a stick. 'Dating' seems to work for all involved.
I think my 'dates' are also especially fond of it. They get to go out with me, have some fun, flirt, and go home to their real life. I'm something different and, because we are still 'dating' and not committed, I'm probably more attentive than a boyfriend or girlfriend would be. To the straight girls, I'm usually a breath of fresh air that will listen to them prattle on about shoes and clothes and skin care and monthly bloating. In truth, I'm only half listening but I'm better at faking it than most guys. I also hold doors open and open car doors. Plus, I'm sweet and I laugh at their jokes. To the lesbian, I'm evidence that they are still attractive to someone other than their girlfriend. This may or may not be true, but I'm good at leading them to believe that it is.
Word to the wise, single lesbians can't 'date' other single lesbians. It doesn't work that way. I promise you one or the other will assume it's a date and drama will invariably ensue. Oh, you thought this was a date? Oops. Guess I should have been more clear. I like you, but I'm not attracted to you. It happens. I've been on both ends of that ugly one. After so many years of being single, I've learned to think of all interactions with other single lesbians as friendship until specifically told different. It may seem like overkill but in my experience such a stance can save an inordinate amount of drama, heartbreak, and awkwardness. It's better to just be friends with other single people. Hang out, but never call it anything close to a 'date'.
Do the women I'm 'dating' know we're 'dating'? Ooh, good question. Some do. Some don't. For example, the girl I went out with on Sunday night had no idea we were on a 'date'. She's young and straight and probably wouldn't get the nuances. It's easier letting her think it's friendship. She might mistake 'dating' for dating and get weird. Nonetheless, we had a great 'date - dinner and a walk at the lake followed by a great conversation on my patio. I paid for dinner (which I don't always do on 'dates') but she thought that was because I owed her for something (which I didn't). On the other hand, my 'date' on Friday night revels in 'dating' me. We get together a couple times a month and always call it a 'date'. To answer the question, I do whatever my 'date' is comfortable with.
Obviously, I'm free to call it whatever I want and more often than not I want to call it a 'date'. Look, be me. I don't date (sans apostrophes). Part of that is my choice, part of it is my inability to meet women willing to date me. To fill the space between, I 'date'. Sue me. It works. For me, for the women I 'date', and for their boyfriend/girlfriends. It may all be in the parentheses, but I still call that a 'win-win-win'.
In truth, I don't mind the apostrophes. It is what it is. More often than not, I'm ecstatic (and relieved) to have them there. You see, dating in the real sense (sans apostrophes) leads to more dating which can lead to commitment which can lead to a discussion of gay marriage vs. civil union. Generally speaking, I try to avoid these kinds of discussions for political and interpersonal reasons. First of all, I'm not sure I care one way or the other if gays can marry (and yes, I'm gay) which generally draws incredulous looks and starts arguments with gays and straights alike. Second of all, I don't want to be married (gay or otherwise) nor do I want to be civilly unionized.
So, see? For someone like me, there's safety in apostrophes. I get to go out, have fun, flirt, and feel loved without any long term ramifications. I go home; she goes home. I may keep thinking about her for a few minutes or struggle to find sleep, but facts are always facts - She's with someone else. Or at the very least she's not with me and is never going to be. On so many levels most may never understand, I'm more than good with that.
The girlfriends also love the safety in apostrophes. Dating someone else isn't ok, but 'dating' is. After all, it's just my shorthand and doesn't really mean anything anyway. They trust me, even if they don't trust their girlfriend, and 'date' night means they get a night away to do whatever they want to do. I really think my openness about 'dating' their girlfriend sells it. If I was at all murky about our relationship, things probably wouldn't go as well for me. After all, I am single and halfway decent looking. I could probably be a threat if they wanted me to be one. Or if I wanted to be one. Eh, no thanks. Drama lives down that road and I'm not one to go poking it with a stick. 'Dating' seems to work for all involved.
I think my 'dates' are also especially fond of it. They get to go out with me, have some fun, flirt, and go home to their real life. I'm something different and, because we are still 'dating' and not committed, I'm probably more attentive than a boyfriend or girlfriend would be. To the straight girls, I'm usually a breath of fresh air that will listen to them prattle on about shoes and clothes and skin care and monthly bloating. In truth, I'm only half listening but I'm better at faking it than most guys. I also hold doors open and open car doors. Plus, I'm sweet and I laugh at their jokes. To the lesbian, I'm evidence that they are still attractive to someone other than their girlfriend. This may or may not be true, but I'm good at leading them to believe that it is.
Word to the wise, single lesbians can't 'date' other single lesbians. It doesn't work that way. I promise you one or the other will assume it's a date and drama will invariably ensue. Oh, you thought this was a date? Oops. Guess I should have been more clear. I like you, but I'm not attracted to you. It happens. I've been on both ends of that ugly one. After so many years of being single, I've learned to think of all interactions with other single lesbians as friendship until specifically told different. It may seem like overkill but in my experience such a stance can save an inordinate amount of drama, heartbreak, and awkwardness. It's better to just be friends with other single people. Hang out, but never call it anything close to a 'date'.
Do the women I'm 'dating' know we're 'dating'? Ooh, good question. Some do. Some don't. For example, the girl I went out with on Sunday night had no idea we were on a 'date'. She's young and straight and probably wouldn't get the nuances. It's easier letting her think it's friendship. She might mistake 'dating' for dating and get weird. Nonetheless, we had a great 'date - dinner and a walk at the lake followed by a great conversation on my patio. I paid for dinner (which I don't always do on 'dates') but she thought that was because I owed her for something (which I didn't). On the other hand, my 'date' on Friday night revels in 'dating' me. We get together a couple times a month and always call it a 'date'. To answer the question, I do whatever my 'date' is comfortable with.
Obviously, I'm free to call it whatever I want and more often than not I want to call it a 'date'. Look, be me. I don't date (sans apostrophes). Part of that is my choice, part of it is my inability to meet women willing to date me. To fill the space between, I 'date'. Sue me. It works. For me, for the women I 'date', and for their boyfriend/girlfriends. It may all be in the parentheses, but I still call that a 'win-win-win'.
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