When Everything Being Equal Isn't
I decided a couple weeks ago that I want to learn to swim. Now, by 'learn to swim' I don't mean 'learn to swim'. I've been swimming since we got our first backyard pool when I was four or five. That said, I can save my life but it's not pretty. I want to learn to do more than doggy paddle and sink while doing an imitation crawl. Ultimately, I want to be able to swim well enough to compete in a triathlon.
I am well aware that there are several inherent issues here. First of all, I hate water. Yes, I shower regularly and I drink it to rehydrate, but as far as full body submersion goes, historically I'm out. I have been know to cool off in a pool on a hot day while sunbathing, but it has to be absolutely sweltering out. I'm not afraid of drowning, but I'm not not afraid of it either. It kind of lives out there in the netherworld of my 'sort of' fears, the ones I avoid bubonically so I don't have to worry about them. If I don't go near water, I have nothing to fear. Surely the chances of my drowning are slim, given that I can tread water a goodly long time and doggie paddle my way, albeit slowly, to safety, yet I still have a dislike for water. I can tolerate a blue bottom pool, but black bottoms and all manner of 'naturally occurring open water' are traditionally a no-go. And if there's algae or seaweed, I'm going to scream like a girl and jump in the arms of whomever is closest. If there's one thing I hate worse than water, it's slime. Oh, and sea/lake creatures. I don't like them either. I do, however, love the beach and I tried for years to join the Navy. Both involve a lot of water. I understand that may seem crazy.
There are other things I don't like about swimming and water. Let me put together a small list.
When all was said and done, I'd run the 17th fastest time of the day (out of 1038 participants). Rah-rah-woo-hoo, right? Wrong. In my opinion, it's a non-stat and I'm almost embarrassed by it. I had fresh legs. I hadn't swum a half mile or biked twelve miles before the run. I stood around for over an hour waiting on my teammates to pass me the chip so I could get after it. Here's a pretty good stat - I had the third fastest run of the sixty-three teams that finished. Let's do a little math, shall we? This means that of the sixteen competitors that finished ahead of me, FOURTEEN had done the entire triathlon. They didn't stand around all morning bs'ing and snapping pictures. They SWAM and BIKED, then RAN.
As an endurance athlete, I'm ashamed. Yippee! I ran a faster than most 5k. With a pretty good handicap. Looking around at those athletes that day and being overwhelmingly impressed by their fitness, I decided that I wanted test my running skills on an even playing field. Yes, that day each of us ran the same distance, but all things were not equal. I guess one could argue that they had an advantage because they were warmed up and had gotten the jitters out several miles back. I don't see it that way. I see me as the pussy who jumped in for the last third and ran a good race. I warmed up while I was waiting for my teammates and I can't say that my 'jitters' slowed me down any.
If I want to truly test myself, I need to do the whole thing. I'm a runner by trade and I can bike; I own a Spin bike and I was a Spin instructor for years so I have a modicum of leg and cardio strength for biking. To encourage my entry into triathloning, I bought a more-than-decent road bike a few weekends ago and I plan to train regularly on it. The only thing remaining is the swim. And my aforementioned dislike of water. Oh, and the near permanent case of tendinitis in my right shoulder. The good news is that I'm finally rehabing the shoulder. Partly because the pain became excruciating and partly because I, trepadatiosly speaking, want to get in the pool and swim. I think I've recruited a swim coach who assures me that he can break me of my atrocious mechanics that lead me to sink more than swim. I'm wondering if he can also help me with my fear of sea/lake creatures, slime, and open water. I've done the research and not many triathlons are done in a pool. Seriously, what's going to happen the first time I peer through my goggles and see something other than a blue bottom and a lane line below me?
Sure, I may need to increase the dose of the Anti-Everything Pills to accommodate my new found goal and passion, but please don't let that diminish the fact that I'm going to do this. I'm determined to prove my mettle as a 5k runner in a triathlon. That day we will know. When all is said and done (and all things are equal), where I finish will be a true assessment of my skill as a triathlon runner. Maybe I'll still finish top seventeen in the run. Then again, maybe I won't. I am fully confident that it may not be pretty and that I may cling to a buoy in abject horror after touching something slimy, but I will cross that finish line a TRIATHLETE. Then, and only then, will I rah-rah-woo-hoo my accomplishments. Until then I'm just a runner. Who can beat triathletes after they've swam and biked. Wow. I rock.
I am well aware that there are several inherent issues here. First of all, I hate water. Yes, I shower regularly and I drink it to rehydrate, but as far as full body submersion goes, historically I'm out. I have been know to cool off in a pool on a hot day while sunbathing, but it has to be absolutely sweltering out. I'm not afraid of drowning, but I'm not not afraid of it either. It kind of lives out there in the netherworld of my 'sort of' fears, the ones I avoid bubonically so I don't have to worry about them. If I don't go near water, I have nothing to fear. Surely the chances of my drowning are slim, given that I can tread water a goodly long time and doggie paddle my way, albeit slowly, to safety, yet I still have a dislike for water. I can tolerate a blue bottom pool, but black bottoms and all manner of 'naturally occurring open water' are traditionally a no-go. And if there's algae or seaweed, I'm going to scream like a girl and jump in the arms of whomever is closest. If there's one thing I hate worse than water, it's slime. Oh, and sea/lake creatures. I don't like them either. I do, however, love the beach and I tried for years to join the Navy. Both involve a lot of water. I understand that may seem crazy.
There are other things I don't like about swimming and water. Let me put together a small list.
- I dislike bathing suits. Unless my abs are in shape, in which case I'm a fan of the bikini top. Just not the bikini bottom.
- I hate being cold. And wet. Combined they are a disaster for me.
- I don't adjust well to doing things I suck at.
- Swimmers, in my experience, can be stuck up assholes.
When all was said and done, I'd run the 17th fastest time of the day (out of 1038 participants). Rah-rah-woo-hoo, right? Wrong. In my opinion, it's a non-stat and I'm almost embarrassed by it. I had fresh legs. I hadn't swum a half mile or biked twelve miles before the run. I stood around for over an hour waiting on my teammates to pass me the chip so I could get after it. Here's a pretty good stat - I had the third fastest run of the sixty-three teams that finished. Let's do a little math, shall we? This means that of the sixteen competitors that finished ahead of me, FOURTEEN had done the entire triathlon. They didn't stand around all morning bs'ing and snapping pictures. They SWAM and BIKED, then RAN.
As an endurance athlete, I'm ashamed. Yippee! I ran a faster than most 5k. With a pretty good handicap. Looking around at those athletes that day and being overwhelmingly impressed by their fitness, I decided that I wanted test my running skills on an even playing field. Yes, that day each of us ran the same distance, but all things were not equal. I guess one could argue that they had an advantage because they were warmed up and had gotten the jitters out several miles back. I don't see it that way. I see me as the pussy who jumped in for the last third and ran a good race. I warmed up while I was waiting for my teammates and I can't say that my 'jitters' slowed me down any.
If I want to truly test myself, I need to do the whole thing. I'm a runner by trade and I can bike; I own a Spin bike and I was a Spin instructor for years so I have a modicum of leg and cardio strength for biking. To encourage my entry into triathloning, I bought a more-than-decent road bike a few weekends ago and I plan to train regularly on it. The only thing remaining is the swim. And my aforementioned dislike of water. Oh, and the near permanent case of tendinitis in my right shoulder. The good news is that I'm finally rehabing the shoulder. Partly because the pain became excruciating and partly because I, trepadatiosly speaking, want to get in the pool and swim. I think I've recruited a swim coach who assures me that he can break me of my atrocious mechanics that lead me to sink more than swim. I'm wondering if he can also help me with my fear of sea/lake creatures, slime, and open water. I've done the research and not many triathlons are done in a pool. Seriously, what's going to happen the first time I peer through my goggles and see something other than a blue bottom and a lane line below me?
Sure, I may need to increase the dose of the Anti-Everything Pills to accommodate my new found goal and passion, but please don't let that diminish the fact that I'm going to do this. I'm determined to prove my mettle as a 5k runner in a triathlon. That day we will know. When all is said and done (and all things are equal), where I finish will be a true assessment of my skill as a triathlon runner. Maybe I'll still finish top seventeen in the run. Then again, maybe I won't. I am fully confident that it may not be pretty and that I may cling to a buoy in abject horror after touching something slimy, but I will cross that finish line a TRIATHLETE. Then, and only then, will I rah-rah-woo-hoo my accomplishments. Until then I'm just a runner. Who can beat triathletes after they've swam and biked. Wow. I rock.
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