The Happiness Dream
The other evening as I was heading out for my walk, I passed a man at the playground in my neighborhood. He had two small blond girls with him. One was maybe four, the other barely a toddler. They had a real nice high-tech stroller and a frisky white yellow lab that frolicked nearby. The man looked tired, worn out, and unhappy. Of course the discontent that I sensed could have been momentary - a stressful day at work, his wife having to work late, or a third child sick at home, however it gave me pause to think. For all intents and purposes, this guy is living the American dream - nice house in a nice neighborhood, marriage, cute kids, cute dog, good career. It's what we're taught to aspire to as children - a life in middle America. If we can only attain all that, our happiness is guaranteed. It's what everyone should want and what everyone should strive for, yet more people living this so-called 'perfect' life seem overworked and unfulfilled. Maybe it's because they conformed and did what they were supposed to do instead of doing what they wanted to do.
Looks can be deceiving. We're taught to want this and that. However what we think we want, what we should want, what we've dreamed of wanting often turns out to be less than satisfying. Maybe that's because we focus on the wrong things. Like what other people think or what we think other people think. We create a picture in our heads of how it's going to be 'when' and very often we overshoot reality. Life as it should be, life as we always dreamed of it being falls short. Take the guy in the park - when most people look at this guy, they see a man with the perfect life. A beautiful home and family, solid career. I wonder what he sees when he looks in the mirror. Does he see an unhappy failure along with everything he gave up to live this 'dream' - art school, a girl his parents didn't approve of, a boy his parents didn't approve of, a trendy apartment downtown, mission work in Africa? Or does he see the man everyone wants him to be? Does he even know the difference?
When I look around my world, I see a lot of miserable people who just seem to be going through the motions of life. I feel for them. They seem sad, overwrought, and blah. Maybe they drink too much, smoke too much, gamble too much, or do nothing too much. It doesn't matter. They seem far less than happy. Life for me is too short. It's true that I've done little that I was supposed to do. I've meandered from career to career and place to place. I've owned two houses in iffy neighborhoods, driven several different cars, made more money, and made less money. I've made friends, lost friends, and battled demons. I've come out of the closet, sought God, and overcome heartbreak. I don't have a home and a family and a career. I rent a room, enjoy my friends, and work a job I love. I'm good with that. It may be a far from the American dream, but it's enough for me.
I think we need to encourage our children to pursue happiness, not status or material things. What if being happy was the American dream? What if it wasn't about who drives the bigger car or who earns the most money? Wouldn't the world be a happier place? I decided long ago that I was going to be happy. I'd spent enough time stumbling through the darkness with my demons to know the importance of happiness. That said, I do whatever it takes to create happiness. I have goals and things I'd like to accomplish, but I will never let any of those supersede my happiness. If being a writer makes me unhappy, then I will stop. If living in Austin makes me unhappy, then I will stop. If working at The Worlds Largest Home Improvement Retailer makes me unhappy, then I will stop. If being married to Ashley Judd makes me unhappy, then I will stop. See the pattern? I don't care what it is in my world, if it causes unhappiness I will stop doing it.
I hope the guy in the park is really happier than he looked, but I'm skeptical. I'm sure people would compare me and him and conclude that he has to be happier. After all, he's living The Dream and I am simply skating through life unfocused and without substantial retirement savings. Fortunately, looks can be deceiving. Believe it or not, I'm happier than most. I'm happier than doctors, lawyers, rich people, college professors, bank presidents, mothers, fathers, Congressmen, and professional football players. Interestingly enough, I am nothing I should have become yet somehow I'm happy. Weird.
Looks can be deceiving. We're taught to want this and that. However what we think we want, what we should want, what we've dreamed of wanting often turns out to be less than satisfying. Maybe that's because we focus on the wrong things. Like what other people think or what we think other people think. We create a picture in our heads of how it's going to be 'when' and very often we overshoot reality. Life as it should be, life as we always dreamed of it being falls short. Take the guy in the park - when most people look at this guy, they see a man with the perfect life. A beautiful home and family, solid career. I wonder what he sees when he looks in the mirror. Does he see an unhappy failure along with everything he gave up to live this 'dream' - art school, a girl his parents didn't approve of, a boy his parents didn't approve of, a trendy apartment downtown, mission work in Africa? Or does he see the man everyone wants him to be? Does he even know the difference?
When I look around my world, I see a lot of miserable people who just seem to be going through the motions of life. I feel for them. They seem sad, overwrought, and blah. Maybe they drink too much, smoke too much, gamble too much, or do nothing too much. It doesn't matter. They seem far less than happy. Life for me is too short. It's true that I've done little that I was supposed to do. I've meandered from career to career and place to place. I've owned two houses in iffy neighborhoods, driven several different cars, made more money, and made less money. I've made friends, lost friends, and battled demons. I've come out of the closet, sought God, and overcome heartbreak. I don't have a home and a family and a career. I rent a room, enjoy my friends, and work a job I love. I'm good with that. It may be a far from the American dream, but it's enough for me.
I think we need to encourage our children to pursue happiness, not status or material things. What if being happy was the American dream? What if it wasn't about who drives the bigger car or who earns the most money? Wouldn't the world be a happier place? I decided long ago that I was going to be happy. I'd spent enough time stumbling through the darkness with my demons to know the importance of happiness. That said, I do whatever it takes to create happiness. I have goals and things I'd like to accomplish, but I will never let any of those supersede my happiness. If being a writer makes me unhappy, then I will stop. If living in Austin makes me unhappy, then I will stop. If working at The Worlds Largest Home Improvement Retailer makes me unhappy, then I will stop. If being married to Ashley Judd makes me unhappy, then I will stop. See the pattern? I don't care what it is in my world, if it causes unhappiness I will stop doing it.
I hope the guy in the park is really happier than he looked, but I'm skeptical. I'm sure people would compare me and him and conclude that he has to be happier. After all, he's living The Dream and I am simply skating through life unfocused and without substantial retirement savings. Fortunately, looks can be deceiving. Believe it or not, I'm happier than most. I'm happier than doctors, lawyers, rich people, college professors, bank presidents, mothers, fathers, Congressmen, and professional football players. Interestingly enough, I am nothing I should have become yet somehow I'm happy. Weird.
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