Swearing Off Dumb
I've given up dating dumb girls. I swear it. When you can't remember the last time you dated a smart girl, it's a problem. I'm not afraid to admit that I have a problem. Actually I have several problems - 1) the dating pool is frightfully slim and filled to the brim with dumb girls, 2) I am apparently magnetic for dumb girls. I say this because I seldom attract anything but dumb girls, 3) I tend to date almost anyone who asks (or asks me to ask them). This doesn't mean I continue dating them indefinitely. Generally I date them long enough to figure out that they are dumb, then I eighty-six them (or they eighty-six me which cements their dumb girl status). The good thing about having multiple problems is that there are multiple solutions that work. Admitting that I have a problem is the first step; vowing to correct it is the second. Done. Time to move on to tangible solutions.
Ultimately I must give up dumb girls. I know it. My friends know it. My mom knows it. Hell, I think even the dumb girls know it. It's not going to be easy, but I feel that my readiness for action will carry me farther than willpower alone. So, no more dumb girls. Exactly how am I going to do this? I'm going to attack my various problems which will in turn solve my overarching problem (which is dating dumb girls, in case anyone forgot). Let's discuss each problem in turn (see paragraph 1) followed by their respective solutions.
Problem #1 - The slim dating pool. Solution - Expand the dating pool. I moved to Austin eighteen months ago hoping to expand my dating pool. Austin is roughly ten times the size of Texarkana, USA so I assumed that the pool of eligible (read: non-dumb) girls would expand an equivalent amount. I have never been more wrong about anything in my life. I failed to take into account basic math. By my count, there were approximately three non-dumb girls in the greater Texarkana area. One of them has since gone straight and one was a good friend and thus not really date-eligible. 3 - 2 = 1. 1 x 10 = 10. Ten non-dumb girls in Austin, Texas. Ten. I think I'm going to need a metal detector or a bloodhound or both. I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm not all that excited about long-distance dating. I'm largely devoid of time, money, and motivation. If I have to drive to see her, it's not going to work. So, yeah... Maybe I need to get out more, meet more people right here in Austin, comb through more of the haystack. Ok, sure... Where am I supposed to get out? I'm not overly fond of the lesbian subculture and I'm looked upon with a wee bit of disdain by most of the lesbians I meet (Yes, I'm sure these two factors are related). I think I'll give this one to God. You know, TBT (thoughts become things) it. If you think it, they will come. That kind of thing. I sure hope God's ready to well up a miracle.
Problem #2 - I'm magnetic to dumb. Solution - Become un-magnetic. I think it's time I went in pursuit instead of the other way around. Usually when I like someone, I sit back and wait for them to like me. Or I wait until they start dating someone, then decide to ask them out. Perhaps I need to be a moving target. Sitting back makes me a sitting duck. And magnetic for dumb girls.
Problem #3 - I date anyone. Solution - Knock it off. It's not that I'm needy because I'm not. I just tend to acquiesce easily. You like me? Cool. Let's go out. Do I like you? I guess we'll see. Reference Problem #2. If I'm attracting dumb girls, this is a scary practice. I'll do the simple math for you. If I'm willing to date anyone who asks and I attract dumb girls, then dumb girls are the ones asking. Ipso-facto, I end up dating dumb girls. Therefore, I need to do a little research before I say 'yes'. Of course, dumb can roll out slowly (so can crazy. Let that be a lesson to you). They may be decent initially and down shift into dumb. In my defense, this has happened. Or they show a slight glimmer of dumb and I decide to give them a chance anyway. Everyone deserves a chance, right? Not anymore. Choosy Mom's choose Jif. I need to choose Jif. No more dumb girls. From here on, I'm not going to date just anyone. In fact, I'm going to do the majority of the pursuing. The good thing about pursuit is that it requires a certain amount of recon and research. If I play my cards right, I'll be able to see that she's dumb before we actually go on a date. I'm getting better at patience. What perfect timing! It comes down to this - I don't NEED to date; I like to date. Therefore I should be able to wait and date the RIGHT person, rather than a slew of dumb ones.
In conclusion, I'm going to stop dating dumb girls by expanding my dating pool, by becoming a moving target, and by being more choosy. We shall see. I am attracted to intelligence. I am. Well, that and a certain amount of physical, emotional, and spiritual hotness mixed with a modicum of confidence. Unfortunately, it's generally not attracted to me. I'm going to have to think on that one. I see myself as intelligent, physically, emotionally, and spiritually hot. Plus I'm pretty confident. What's not attractive about that? Oh, my confidence borders on cockiness? Maybe that's it. I'll have to think on that one, too. In time the meantime, though, NO MORE DUMB GIRLS. None. Not one. I've sworn off. I don't care how pretty she is. Pretty does tend to throw me off. Hmm... I need to date ugly girls? Ha! Like that's ever going to happen.
Ultimately I must give up dumb girls. I know it. My friends know it. My mom knows it. Hell, I think even the dumb girls know it. It's not going to be easy, but I feel that my readiness for action will carry me farther than willpower alone. So, no more dumb girls. Exactly how am I going to do this? I'm going to attack my various problems which will in turn solve my overarching problem (which is dating dumb girls, in case anyone forgot). Let's discuss each problem in turn (see paragraph 1) followed by their respective solutions.
Problem #1 - The slim dating pool. Solution - Expand the dating pool. I moved to Austin eighteen months ago hoping to expand my dating pool. Austin is roughly ten times the size of Texarkana, USA so I assumed that the pool of eligible (read: non-dumb) girls would expand an equivalent amount. I have never been more wrong about anything in my life. I failed to take into account basic math. By my count, there were approximately three non-dumb girls in the greater Texarkana area. One of them has since gone straight and one was a good friend and thus not really date-eligible. 3 - 2 = 1. 1 x 10 = 10. Ten non-dumb girls in Austin, Texas. Ten. I think I'm going to need a metal detector or a bloodhound or both. I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm not all that excited about long-distance dating. I'm largely devoid of time, money, and motivation. If I have to drive to see her, it's not going to work. So, yeah... Maybe I need to get out more, meet more people right here in Austin, comb through more of the haystack. Ok, sure... Where am I supposed to get out? I'm not overly fond of the lesbian subculture and I'm looked upon with a wee bit of disdain by most of the lesbians I meet (Yes, I'm sure these two factors are related). I think I'll give this one to God. You know, TBT (thoughts become things) it. If you think it, they will come. That kind of thing. I sure hope God's ready to well up a miracle.
Problem #2 - I'm magnetic to dumb. Solution - Become un-magnetic. I think it's time I went in pursuit instead of the other way around. Usually when I like someone, I sit back and wait for them to like me. Or I wait until they start dating someone, then decide to ask them out. Perhaps I need to be a moving target. Sitting back makes me a sitting duck. And magnetic for dumb girls.
Problem #3 - I date anyone. Solution - Knock it off. It's not that I'm needy because I'm not. I just tend to acquiesce easily. You like me? Cool. Let's go out. Do I like you? I guess we'll see. Reference Problem #2. If I'm attracting dumb girls, this is a scary practice. I'll do the simple math for you. If I'm willing to date anyone who asks and I attract dumb girls, then dumb girls are the ones asking. Ipso-facto, I end up dating dumb girls. Therefore, I need to do a little research before I say 'yes'. Of course, dumb can roll out slowly (so can crazy. Let that be a lesson to you). They may be decent initially and down shift into dumb. In my defense, this has happened. Or they show a slight glimmer of dumb and I decide to give them a chance anyway. Everyone deserves a chance, right? Not anymore. Choosy Mom's choose Jif. I need to choose Jif. No more dumb girls. From here on, I'm not going to date just anyone. In fact, I'm going to do the majority of the pursuing. The good thing about pursuit is that it requires a certain amount of recon and research. If I play my cards right, I'll be able to see that she's dumb before we actually go on a date. I'm getting better at patience. What perfect timing! It comes down to this - I don't NEED to date; I like to date. Therefore I should be able to wait and date the RIGHT person, rather than a slew of dumb ones.
In conclusion, I'm going to stop dating dumb girls by expanding my dating pool, by becoming a moving target, and by being more choosy. We shall see. I am attracted to intelligence. I am. Well, that and a certain amount of physical, emotional, and spiritual hotness mixed with a modicum of confidence. Unfortunately, it's generally not attracted to me. I'm going to have to think on that one. I see myself as intelligent, physically, emotionally, and spiritually hot. Plus I'm pretty confident. What's not attractive about that? Oh, my confidence borders on cockiness? Maybe that's it. I'll have to think on that one, too. In time the meantime, though, NO MORE DUMB GIRLS. None. Not one. I've sworn off. I don't care how pretty she is. Pretty does tend to throw me off. Hmm... I need to date ugly girls? Ha! Like that's ever going to happen.
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