Fade to Good

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I'm wondering tonight if I'm strong enough. Strong enough to feel it. Strong enough to miss it. I'm happy, even though this is the worst I've felt in months. I don't want to wallow. I don't. Wallowing leads to unhappiness and I don't want to be unhappy. I'm hoping it's just for tonight. I'm hoping I'm strong enough to let it be just for tonight. Because right now I'm a little homesick, a little love sick. It's times like these that I wonder why I left. I'm good here. I was great there. Most of the time. Not all the time. And that's what I have to remind myself. But still there every day had the potential to be great. Here I'm good with good because it sure beats where I started. My hope is that one day here will be great and that my memories of there will fade to good. It happened before. There was great. Here was good. Then here was great and there was good. Of course then I left there for here and great became good. Actually worse than good, but I've come along way here. I'm happy and I want to stay that way. Missing great doesn't help. That's why I usually don't let myself. I focus on good and forget about great. One day becomes the next and the next and the next. Until I stop a moment and think and wonder and feel and miss. I miss a lot, especially great, but I miss love the most.

Just for tonight. Tomorrow will be a new day. It may not be great, but it will at least be good. And maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will be the day good finally fades and I find great once again.

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