Analysis Paralysis

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I'm an analyzer and because of this fact I am completely and utterly unable to go with the flow. I'm going to analyze it. I'm gonna have to. It's what I do. I analyze. Everything. Including the flow. Which of course will then preclude going with it. Because you can't go with it and analyze it. It's impossible.

Sometimes I wish I could just go with it. Go with the flow and let things come as they come. This would come and that would come. I'd either like it or I wouldn't. I suppose if I didn't like it, I could change the flow. And if I like it, I guess I'd just keep going with it. I imagine that's how most people live life.

Not me. I'm not sure when I became this person. Maybe I've always been this way. I think and think and think. And then I think some more. When I'm done thinking, I start analyzing and analyzing and analyzing. I have an insatiable need to understand. Everything. Literally everything around me. So I think and analyze until I finally understand. And if I can't find my way to understanding, I create a big, fat rationalization and convince myself that I really do understand. There's no fooling me. One way or the other, I'm going to understand. I'm going to know.

I think I would be a lot less anxious if I could just go with the flow. If I could quiet my mind and simply enjoy life. I guess my faith isn't quite where it needs to be. If I truly trusted God, I'd be able to let life unfold as He intends it to. Of course, I'm not sure what I believe. God has a path for me, but what if it's possible to fuck that up somehow? What if nothing is set in stone? What if I mess things up and never get to where I'm suppose to get to? Aw Hell, what if I'm supposed to go with the flow and stop analyzing everything? But what if I'm not? What if I'm supposed to analyze in order to determine the correct course of action?

Like all those questions? See, that's my life. That's how I live. I question and think and analyze pretty much until my stomach is in knots and I can't make a decision to save my life. Ever heard of option paralysis? I have analysis paralysis. And this completely and utterly prevents me from ever going with the flow. Because I just gotta know. Know what? Everything. Simply everything.

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