Notes from the Red Bird House

'Vindictive' is such an ugly word. I prefer to think of vindication as an expression of my own personal power. It's not a negative from where I stand. If I'm anything, I'm quiet. I don't stalk or say nasty things. I don't slash tires or attempt to ruin lives. No, history says that I prefer to hit the gym and spray a little perfume in the right place. Long, long ago I determined that fitness is absolutely the best revenge. Fortunately and unfortunately, I'm damn good at it. Thanks for the motivation, Sweetpea. Not only am I tanned and hot, I'm probably adding years to my life. On several occasions in the past, I used my 'scent' to help me extract revenge; vindication, if you will. Power often comes from the smallest of statements. All I needed to do was spray a little mist of perfume in the right place and I was in charge. Once upon a time, I bought the perfume my ex-girlfriend loved and went to the Bar. I slid in next to her to say hi and I...

'Most of all I'm thankful for loving who I really am.' ~ from 'The Color Purple' A friend told me today that she was worried about me. I've asked why. She hasn't answered. In any case, I have a sneaking suspicion. I admit it's been a weird week and, if I'd let it, my self-esteem could have taken a beating. But truly... There's nothing to worry about. Not with me. I'm always ok. Mostly because I've always been ok. I'm strong. Rejection and devastation bring their own share of Grace. I've fought my way back too many times to count. Each time made me stronger and now I'm so strong that little bothers me. And this week, while weird, wasn't enough to get me down. There's nothing to worry about here. Nothing at all. I often get in trouble for saying, 'It's whatever'. But this week, it really was 'whatever'. Most things are. People will do what they're going to do and there's little I can to...

Perhaps I'm in the mood for a Top Ten List. It's been weird lately. I guess we'll see if I have anything to say about it. 1. Dreaming about being lost and/or losing your car two nights in a row will make forgetting where you parked at JC Penney seem freakishly like deja vu. 2. Vowing that you won't spend any money at IKEA is a waste of breath. Unless you leave your credit cards at home. 3. Anti-Everything Pills (AEPs) are truly anti-everything....except stomach aches and weight loss. 4. You'll quickly change your mind about celebrating Christmas when you realize that Santa brought you something with blond hair and blue eyes. 5. Remembering that your gym membership includes free tanning will have you hitting the gym four times a week. To tan. 6. Standing in a truth you feared telling is good for your soul....and hopefully hers. 7. Crazy tends to roll out slowly, but not before extricating yourself from its wicked web seems nearly impossible. 8. The fe...

I'd like to say she missed out tonight. So much that I'm actually going to say it. She missed out tonight. Even my roommate commented about the quality of my 'rack'. I know. I damn well know. It's not about how I look. Which makes it even worse. My looks are the worst thing about me. So what is it? I'm sound. Sound. Not perfect, but damn well good enough. I'd argue that drunk or sober. Which is probably a good thing, given that I'm currently somewhere in between. Yes, that's it. I'm somewhere in between. I'm used to it. So used to it that when I say 'it's whatever', I honestly mean 'it's whatever'. If I say it's the story of my life, I mean that fairly positively. Whatever it was (or wasn't) for all those years on end, is so much a part of who I am that I can't imagine who I'd be without it. For that reason, and that reason alone, I'm good with where it began and where it ended. I'm good with ...

I'm not saying I believe them. Honestly, it doesn't matter. Perception is always reality. Always. People will think what they will. You can explain different, even BE different, but people are people. Once they make up their mind, there is little that can be done to change it. On some occasions, this is a good thing. However, in my experience, it's usually ends up kind of sucky.  You see, from the moment they perceive 'IT' (we'll discuss exactly what 'IT' is in a moment), I might get 'One-Mississippi, Two-Mississippi' out before whatever it was we were attempting ends. Without ceremony, affection, or admission of culpability, they run. They're out. Done. And they never look back. It used to confuse me, but I'm ready for it these days. I don't wait for it, but I know it's coming. They say 'IT'. I cross my eyes, exhale, and start the egg-timer. On your mark, get set, deuces. Alright, so what is 'IT'? What are they ...

I'm not much on Christmas, as a friend reminded me this morning (she wished me a wonderful day anyway), but I am much on Christ. I am not so centric as to think that he is The only Way to God; he is merely one way. And by 'way to God', I'm speaking figuratively. Perhaps that is blasphemous of me to say, especially amid a group of traditional Christians (imagine shouting 'FIRE!' in a crowded theatre and you'll understand the full effect of that blasphemy). I am as non-literal a Christian as there can be. Christ is my spiritual leader, my 'Cliff Notes'. He is not 'my Savior' (he can still be yours, if you'd like him to be). Because of him, I have a better understanding of God and my role here on Earth. Through his true message (which may or may not be found exclusively in The Bible), my path to godliness is made easier. I listened to God a long time before I starting following the path left by Christ. The thing is, I'm still listening...

Previous to last night, I'd never won anything. Well, unless you count the Big Mouth Billy Bass I won at a company picnic back in 2000. I'm on the fence with that one. Usually I say I've never won anything because truthfully I didn't win anything except something to donate to the Goodwill or sell at a garage sale. I mean seriously, if you win a joke, is it really winning? And then there's the scratch-off lottery tickets my mom buys me every year for Christmas. In the past two years I've won a sum total of like $11, on her $40 investment. I could scratch a hundred tickets and I assure you I'd end up with about $17 and a pile of silver shavings. In the simplest terms, I'm not a winner. Now, I'm not saying I'm a loser. There's a lot of gray area between winning and losing and I feel that I navigate it pretty well. Not well enough to win anything ever, but well enough to avoid feeling like a loser while I'm not winning. You'd think with...