What Would Jesus Wear?

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I own and wear Jesus sandals. For the record, I only ever wear them to walk my dogs or check the mail. Meaning they never see the light of day outside my apartment complex. I don't wear them because they remind me of Jesus or because I feel that they bring me and Jesus closer together. I simply can't bring myself to say that I wear 'Birkenstocks'. Once upon a time, in certain circles, they may have been cool. Now, though, they seem too frightfully hippie and I'm forced to fall back on semantics.

Thus, the term 'Jesus Sandals'. I know we're talking about nano-shades of cool here, but I prefer to think that I wear something Jesus would have worn rather than something a dirty hippie down at the Hollow would wear. I know that kind of sentiment will make me few friends in Austin. Eh... I've never been the right kind of 'Keep Austin Weird' weird anyway.

Crazy that I continue to wear them even though I'm caught in an ugly netherworld that has me choosing between Jesus Freak and Hippie. I suppose I could throw them in the back of my closet or in the trash, but those damn things are convenient. For example, when my feet are cold in the house and I'm wearing socks and the dogs suddenly decide they need to potty, I don't have to take off my socks to put on the Jesus sandals. Flip flops would require me to take off my socks (Yes, they would. I refuse to argue this point) and shoes take too long to lace. My Jesus sandals are the perfect solution because I can keep my socks on. Sure, I look even weirder and Jesus most certainly didn't wear his with socks (Granola girls used to back in the day...with big, thick hiking socks...that thankfully hid their unshaven legs), but I'm willing to seem weird for the sake of convenience.

This is of course why I never leave the apartment complex with them on. If I'm going anywhere, I take the time to put on flip flops or real shoes. Even if I'm just going to Walgreen's or Dollar General or the Post Office. You never know who you might run into out in the world. And you just know THE TIME would be when I was wearing my Jesus Sandals. With socks.

So yeah... No. Jesus got to wear his sandals out in the world. They were cooler back then and, being the cool kid in school, I'm sure Jesus added to their cool quotient. Unfortunately, I don't bring what Jesus brought so me and my Jesus sandals are relegated to the doldrums of un-cool. And only at my apartment complex.

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