Good News Defined

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There's good news and bad news in just about every piece of news. Today I discovered (after assuming for quite some time) that someone I like has a girlfriend. Confirmation, like news, can be both good and bad. Knowing is good. It extinguishes irrational hopefulness and leaves a thick residue of realistic resignation. Life is allowed to go on; it just happens to be a better informed life. Likewise, knowing is bad for much the same reasons, as in 'well, now you know'. Life is allowed to go on; it just happens to be more disappointing than originally thought. It's a simple case of Truth vs. Delusion.

So yes... News. Unfortunately, I must clarify something before I get rolling. Before anyone out there imagines that I'm obsessing and crazy, as some historically have been inclined to do, I want to make one thing perfectly clear. The chances that I'm talking about YOU are slim, so slim, that they are actually NONE. I'm fairly certain that the woman I am discussing does not read this blog, nor has she ever (Incidentally, I did just find out last week that a friend is happily in a committed relationship. I reiterate - this is NOT the news I'm referring to).

Let me just say when I first received the news of what I feel is a factual confirmation, I was suitably disappointed. Seriously? She's supposed to be single and looking for me. Yeah, not so much. From all appearances she's been in a relationship longer than I've known of her existence. Yet again, my timing is seemingly (and sarcastically) perfect.

Once I took a breath, however, I realized that this wasn't all bad news. (1) She's not straight. I had assumed she wasn't, but now I know for certain. Thank you, Jesus. The last thing I want is another 'toaster oven'. Good news defined - I have an easier road because she actually dates women. (2) Everyone breaks up at some point. Ok, I'm not trying to put a hex on her relationship; I'm simply being realistic. Relationships have a shelf-life. People break up every day. One day, or so the law of averages says, she and her girlfriend will as well. Good news defined - Nothing lasts forever no matter how happy it looks today.

The overarching good news? Somewhere down the road I have a chance. And it's slightly bigger than a snowball's chance in Hell. Yes, there are stumbling blocks. (1) We've never met and (2) For all intents and purposes, she lives on a different continent. Still, I'm confident. My day (our day) may in fact come. I'm not saying that in some creepy wanna-be stalker kind of way. What will happen will happen. Time will pass, the earth will rotate on its axis, and destiny (if you believe in that sort of thing) will arrive.

And really, I'm good with waiting a few years. I'm not exactly in a position to take on a girlfriend right now anyway. I'm busy and really trying to live my life on my terms. The absolute last thing I want or need at this juncture is someone tacitly or purposely trying to derail me. Within the bounds of a relationship, that 'someone' is usually me. If I know anything about myself, the status quo, meaning remaining single, is the only way I will ever achieve my goals. As I move closer to the goal, my opinion may change. For now, however, I'm decisively off the market.

That said, it's probably good that she has a girlfriend and isn't looking for me right now. Ever hear the saying, 'It just wasn't our time'? Words to live by in this case. This is NOT our time. Partly because she has a girlfriend and partly because I don't want one. It's perfect really.

With any luck, it'll be perfect later. In the end, I have to trust God. Which I do. At this point, I'm trying to stay out of my own way long enough for God to work His magic. I've asked Him for a peace that can withstand anything, even a nasty breakup and stint on The Break Up Diet. He and I both know I'm not quite there yet. One day, though... One day.

And this is why I am able to see the good in what initially may have appeared to be bad news. She has a girlfriend? So? I hope she's happy. And I mean that sincerely. I certainly don't want to inherit a shell of a woman so decimated by an ugly relationship that she arrives carrying a train-load of baggage. No, Ma'am. No amount of peace could withstand that. In the meantime, I'm going to do my thing and be happy. My ardent hope is that she is able to do the same.

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