A Series of Well Constructed Rationalizations

I am celebrating my last 'real' weekend off. My schedule changes next week and I go back to the crazy, fucked up retail schedule that I've enjoyed on and off (though mostly on) for seven and a half years. My 'weekends', when I actually get two days off together, will probably be Thursday/Friday. Sure, it's not optimal for most Americans, but I don't usually mind it too much. I'm one of the lucky ones. I don't have a family or a significant other and, more importantly, I'm broke. Traditional Saturday/Sunday weekends cost money. The most I have ever done on an odd-ball weekend is Happy Hour. Happy Hour is cheap compared to a real weekend night out on the town. Everyone goes home early which cuts expenses immensely. Yes, my life is a series of well constructed rationalizations, but it's my life and I get to deal with it how I choose to.

Being broke is a big deal to me and I rationalize it often. Ok, I'm not as broke as I could be. I know this. And I am thankful. I could be the guy on Slaughter by the HEB holding a sign that simply says 'Hungry'. I'm occasionally hungry, but I always seem to find something to eat, even if it's just ramen noodles or a pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket. However, I'm still broke and it sucks. I ration gas, packets of ramen noodles, and sweet tea vodka. Hell. Who am I trying to kid? I ration nearly everything. I live from paycheck to paycheck and live to see my credit account balances decrease every month. That said, I could be wealthier if I wasn't so committed to extinguishing my debt. Once upon a time, I live on what I called 'The Rum Card'. I started using it exclusively for rum. By the time I maxed it out ($5,000 later... Ok, it wasn't at $0 when I started buying stuff), I could have renamed it 'The Fun Card'. If it was fun, I bought it on the card. This, of course, included a lot of rum and pizza and wine and hot wings and a zillion other things I have little recollection of. All that said, at this point, I'm so close to the end, so close to being debt-free, that I can't rationalize creating any more. Trust me, I can rationalize almost ANYTHING, just not more debt.

When I am finally debt-free, I will truly be free. Free to work any job I want (even if it means taking a sizable pay cut so I can move home). Free to save more (so I can spend what I have not what I don't have). Free to remain debt-free. Above all, I will be free from worry. My bills will be easy to pay and I'll no longer have to live paycheck to paycheck. I'll be able to cut out like 75% of my daily rationalizations, which will leave me more time to rationalize more important things, such as why I can't keep a girlfriend longer than a month and why I'm the best writer who has never been published. Being broke takes up a lot of my time and brain power.

Take this weekend for example. As I said previously, I am celebrating my last 'real' weekend off. How am I celebrating? By saving what little gas I have so I can drive about fifteen miles south to a friend's house in Kyle for a UT/OU party (which won't mean a damn thing to readers who don't live in Texas or Oklahoma), drinking the leftover Sweet Tea Vodka I've been rationing for a couple weeks, and attending church on Sunday morning (which will keep me from drinking too much at the UT/OU party). Of course, I will struggle with the collection plate Sunday morning. This will be my second visit to a church I enjoy. I should tithe something. If I was a Mormon (which thank GOD I am not), I'd feel obligated to turn over a check for 10% of my income (Hell, I'd probably have it auto-drafted out of my checking account). I don't even give that much to my 401k. Charity begins at home. Remember I'm broke. This means that I can rationalize a ten spot on Sunday, but it also means I have to come up with it. In cash. Fuck.

Additional being broke rationalizations? (I've apparently come to really like bullet points, so here's a few more) -
  • I don't have a girlfriend because I can't afford one.
  • It makes me so thankful for what I do have.
  • 'Being broke has it's share of Grace' (yeah, I wrote that).
  • Jesus was broke so I'm just doing what Jesus did.
  • I drink less.
  • Debauchery costs money and I can't afford much, so I'm more likely to go to Heaven (oh, wait...).
  • Ramen noodles really are good for you, if you only use half of the seasoning packet.
  • I eat less fast food.
  • It's easier to lose weight (and that's why I'm gaining at a mind-boggling clip?)
  • My elbows, shoulders, and back can heal because I can't afford to play tennis.
I think we'll quit there because I'm getting discouraged. You'd think a good rationalization, or ten, would cheer me up. Yeah, not so much. And then there's this 'last real weekend off' thing hanging over my head. It's kind of depressing. I just decided I like church and now I have to work EVERY Sunday (No, the church I attend does not have weekday or Saturday services. What they do have is a class I want to take on Wednesday nights. Guess who works EVERY Wednesday night?). In any case, I'm going to do my best to enjoy it.

One last rationalization? My schedule change means that I only have to work three days before my next days off, next Thursday and Friday. I can see you're as cranked up about it as I am. Fuck a bunch of this. I'd rather have my old life back. No way to rationalize around that.

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