A Series of Well Constructed Rationalizations
I am celebrating my last 'real' weekend off. My schedule changes next week and I go back to the crazy, fucked up retail schedule that I've enjoyed on and off (though mostly on) for seven and a half years. My 'weekends', when I actually get two days off together, will probably be Thursday/Friday. Sure, it's not optimal for most Americans, but I don't usually mind it too much. I'm one of the lucky ones. I don't have a family or a significant other and, more importantly, I'm broke. Traditional Saturday/Sunday weekends cost money. The most I have ever done on an odd-ball weekend is Happy Hour. Happy Hour is cheap compared to a real weekend night out on the town. Everyone goes home early which cuts expenses immensely. Yes, my life is a series of well constructed rationalizations, but it's my life and I get to deal with it how I choose to.
Being broke is a big deal to me and I rationalize it often. Ok, I'm not as broke as I could be. I know this. And I am thankful. I could be the guy on Slaughter by the HEB holding a sign that simply says 'Hungry'. I'm occasionally hungry, but I always seem to find something to eat, even if it's just ramen noodles or a pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket. However, I'm still broke and it sucks. I ration gas, packets of ramen noodles, and sweet tea vodka. Hell. Who am I trying to kid? I ration nearly everything. I live from paycheck to paycheck and live to see my credit account balances decrease every month. That said, I could be wealthier if I wasn't so committed to extinguishing my debt. Once upon a time, I live on what I called 'The Rum Card'. I started using it exclusively for rum. By the time I maxed it out ($5,000 later... Ok, it wasn't at $0 when I started buying stuff), I could have renamed it 'The Fun Card'. If it was fun, I bought it on the card. This, of course, included a lot of rum and pizza and wine and hot wings and a zillion other things I have little recollection of. All that said, at this point, I'm so close to the end, so close to being debt-free, that I can't rationalize creating any more. Trust me, I can rationalize almost ANYTHING, just not more debt.
When I am finally debt-free, I will truly be free. Free to work any job I want (even if it means taking a sizable pay cut so I can move home). Free to save more (so I can spend what I have not what I don't have). Free to remain debt-free. Above all, I will be free from worry. My bills will be easy to pay and I'll no longer have to live paycheck to paycheck. I'll be able to cut out like 75% of my daily rationalizations, which will leave me more time to rationalize more important things, such as why I can't keep a girlfriend longer than a month and why I'm the best writer who has never been published. Being broke takes up a lot of my time and brain power.
Take this weekend for example. As I said previously, I am celebrating my last 'real' weekend off. How am I celebrating? By saving what little gas I have so I can drive about fifteen miles south to a friend's house in Kyle for a UT/OU party (which won't mean a damn thing to readers who don't live in Texas or Oklahoma), drinking the leftover Sweet Tea Vodka I've been rationing for a couple weeks, and attending church on Sunday morning (which will keep me from drinking too much at the UT/OU party). Of course, I will struggle with the collection plate Sunday morning. This will be my second visit to a church I enjoy. I should tithe something. If I was a Mormon (which thank GOD I am not), I'd feel obligated to turn over a check for 10% of my income (Hell, I'd probably have it auto-drafted out of my checking account). I don't even give that much to my 401k. Charity begins at home. Remember I'm broke. This means that I can rationalize a ten spot on Sunday, but it also means I have to come up with it. In cash. Fuck.
Additional being broke rationalizations? (I've apparently come to really like bullet points, so here's a few more) -
One last rationalization? My schedule change means that I only have to work three days before my next days off, next Thursday and Friday. I can see you're as cranked up about it as I am. Fuck a bunch of this. I'd rather have my old life back. No way to rationalize around that.
Being broke is a big deal to me and I rationalize it often. Ok, I'm not as broke as I could be. I know this. And I am thankful. I could be the guy on Slaughter by the HEB holding a sign that simply says 'Hungry'. I'm occasionally hungry, but I always seem to find something to eat, even if it's just ramen noodles or a pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket. However, I'm still broke and it sucks. I ration gas, packets of ramen noodles, and sweet tea vodka. Hell. Who am I trying to kid? I ration nearly everything. I live from paycheck to paycheck and live to see my credit account balances decrease every month. That said, I could be wealthier if I wasn't so committed to extinguishing my debt. Once upon a time, I live on what I called 'The Rum Card'. I started using it exclusively for rum. By the time I maxed it out ($5,000 later... Ok, it wasn't at $0 when I started buying stuff), I could have renamed it 'The Fun Card'. If it was fun, I bought it on the card. This, of course, included a lot of rum and pizza and wine and hot wings and a zillion other things I have little recollection of. All that said, at this point, I'm so close to the end, so close to being debt-free, that I can't rationalize creating any more. Trust me, I can rationalize almost ANYTHING, just not more debt.
When I am finally debt-free, I will truly be free. Free to work any job I want (even if it means taking a sizable pay cut so I can move home). Free to save more (so I can spend what I have not what I don't have). Free to remain debt-free. Above all, I will be free from worry. My bills will be easy to pay and I'll no longer have to live paycheck to paycheck. I'll be able to cut out like 75% of my daily rationalizations, which will leave me more time to rationalize more important things, such as why I can't keep a girlfriend longer than a month and why I'm the best writer who has never been published. Being broke takes up a lot of my time and brain power.
Take this weekend for example. As I said previously, I am celebrating my last 'real' weekend off. How am I celebrating? By saving what little gas I have so I can drive about fifteen miles south to a friend's house in Kyle for a UT/OU party (which won't mean a damn thing to readers who don't live in Texas or Oklahoma), drinking the leftover Sweet Tea Vodka I've been rationing for a couple weeks, and attending church on Sunday morning (which will keep me from drinking too much at the UT/OU party). Of course, I will struggle with the collection plate Sunday morning. This will be my second visit to a church I enjoy. I should tithe something. If I was a Mormon (which thank GOD I am not), I'd feel obligated to turn over a check for 10% of my income (Hell, I'd probably have it auto-drafted out of my checking account). I don't even give that much to my 401k. Charity begins at home. Remember I'm broke. This means that I can rationalize a ten spot on Sunday, but it also means I have to come up with it. In cash. Fuck.
Additional being broke rationalizations? (I've apparently come to really like bullet points, so here's a few more) -
- I don't have a girlfriend because I can't afford one.
- It makes me so thankful for what I do have.
- 'Being broke has it's share of Grace' (yeah, I wrote that).
- Jesus was broke so I'm just doing what Jesus did.
- I drink less.
- Debauchery costs money and I can't afford much, so I'm more likely to go to Heaven (oh, wait...).
- Ramen noodles really are good for you, if you only use half of the seasoning packet.
- I eat less fast food.
- It's easier to lose weight (and that's why I'm gaining at a mind-boggling clip?)
- My elbows, shoulders, and back can heal because I can't afford to play tennis.
One last rationalization? My schedule change means that I only have to work three days before my next days off, next Thursday and Friday. I can see you're as cranked up about it as I am. Fuck a bunch of this. I'd rather have my old life back. No way to rationalize around that.
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