A Warm-Up Exercise
I have to admit that I haven't been writing much. I can make a thousand excuses (my new work schedule, laziness, nothing to write about, TV to watch, weekends in Texarkana, etc), but it all whittles down to one thing - motivation. And I apparently have had none. Zero. Until today. Of course right now I'm more or less forcing myself to write. It's late morning and I have the house to myself. Granted I don't have any sweet tea vodka to drink (which would make the setting near perfect), but it's probably too early to drink anyway. In the old days (before I moved to Austin), I had lots of days like today. And I wrote a lot more.
Writing used to be what I did. Five minutes here or five hours there, I was writing. My office (and thus my desk and my computer) was the center of my Universe. It's where I was. Unless I was forcing myself to take a day off. How times change. Now I have to force myself to write. The Words used to haunt me. They were a constant presence in my head. I think they are still there; I just choose to ignore them most of the time. I've lost something - my writing Mo-Jo, something. I'm not sure.
I keep thinking if I had my office, my desk, my docking station, and my uncomfortable desk chair, I'd get back to normal. I'd write. And write. And write. I would find motivation and stop procrastinating. I'd be in my Zen place and I'd stop ignoring The Words. Truly it's mind over matter, but my mind isn't in the best place right now. It's not in a bad place. It just has a lot going on and no energy to spend on motivation. However, if I was in THAT place, I think I'd write. Out of habit, if nothing else. It's what I used to do; it's what I'd do again.
Right now I'm faced with a bunch of half-baked ideas and an ever-evolving spirituality I'm not quite ready to unveil. Believe it or not, that takes up about 87% of my brain power. Work gets an additional 6%, my friends get about 3%, and the girl I'm seeing gets the rest. So, no... I'm not in a good place for focused and fun writing. All that said, if I had my old office in the little house on Burma Road, I think I'd be in a better frame of mind and I'd write. If only to distract me from everything else.
Maybe that's what I need - a break from my brain. Writing used to take me to another place, a God-given place far outside myself, where what I was thinking wasn't necessarily what I was thinking. I'd sit down to write one thing and be led in a totally different direction. Suddenly I'd be someplace I'd never been thinking thoughts I'd never thought. Sometimes it helped me think better and other times it was my escape.
Forcing myself to write today may be the best thing I could do for myself. I need to get away from myself, listen to The Words, and see where they take me. Just like in the old days. I have to say I prefer my old desk in Wake Village to the kitchen table in South Austin, but at least I have the house to myself and a more comfortable chair. So much for my warm-up exercise (which is what this was...for the most part). It's time to get started.
Writing used to be what I did. Five minutes here or five hours there, I was writing. My office (and thus my desk and my computer) was the center of my Universe. It's where I was. Unless I was forcing myself to take a day off. How times change. Now I have to force myself to write. The Words used to haunt me. They were a constant presence in my head. I think they are still there; I just choose to ignore them most of the time. I've lost something - my writing Mo-Jo, something. I'm not sure.
I keep thinking if I had my office, my desk, my docking station, and my uncomfortable desk chair, I'd get back to normal. I'd write. And write. And write. I would find motivation and stop procrastinating. I'd be in my Zen place and I'd stop ignoring The Words. Truly it's mind over matter, but my mind isn't in the best place right now. It's not in a bad place. It just has a lot going on and no energy to spend on motivation. However, if I was in THAT place, I think I'd write. Out of habit, if nothing else. It's what I used to do; it's what I'd do again.
Right now I'm faced with a bunch of half-baked ideas and an ever-evolving spirituality I'm not quite ready to unveil. Believe it or not, that takes up about 87% of my brain power. Work gets an additional 6%, my friends get about 3%, and the girl I'm seeing gets the rest. So, no... I'm not in a good place for focused and fun writing. All that said, if I had my old office in the little house on Burma Road, I think I'd be in a better frame of mind and I'd write. If only to distract me from everything else.
Maybe that's what I need - a break from my brain. Writing used to take me to another place, a God-given place far outside myself, where what I was thinking wasn't necessarily what I was thinking. I'd sit down to write one thing and be led in a totally different direction. Suddenly I'd be someplace I'd never been thinking thoughts I'd never thought. Sometimes it helped me think better and other times it was my escape.
Forcing myself to write today may be the best thing I could do for myself. I need to get away from myself, listen to The Words, and see where they take me. Just like in the old days. I have to say I prefer my old desk in Wake Village to the kitchen table in South Austin, but at least I have the house to myself and a more comfortable chair. So much for my warm-up exercise (which is what this was...for the most part). It's time to get started.
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