Seven Months On and Off (aka "Shut Up and Kiss Me")
Wait a minute. Let me count. I was about to say six months, but now I'm not so sure. I think it might be longer. I'm right. Seven months. Not of like solid work. I honestly vacillated on the issue for at least half of those months. Other things (I should probably be more specific - Other women) entered my consciousness here and there. They all ended up on the friends' shelf. And, well, so did she. For a brief moment. Whew... I'm over it. Look at me go. Hang on. What's this? She's back? And she was. Fuck Jesus, can't you just stay up there?
No. The answer was no. She couldn't stay up there. Said more accurately, I couldn't keep her up there. It's not like she had (or has) anything to do with it. At all. I am highly skeptical that I enter her consciousness - ever - if I'm not immediately present. Out of sight out of mind. It's one of my super powers.
But I digress...
Last night, I kissed her. Or maybe she kissed me. It often blurs doesn't it? The line between kissing and being kissed. I know I'd wanted to for quite some time. The aforementioned seven months. On and off. From her actions, it would appear that she'd wanted to also. Did she start it? Did I? Somehow I think she did. I made it clear several weeks ago that I wouldn't make the first move. I seldom, if ever, break that rule so last night she had to have come a little more than halfway.
I just can't remember. Shit, right? I waited on and off for seven months for that exact moment and I can't recall who started it? I've replayed it in my mind a zillion times and it never gets any less murky. I keep saying I suck at this stuff and apparently I do. What do I remember? Her hands cool and soft touching me. First my arm, then my hand. Was she stepping up the game? That much I remember pondering in the moment. The rest, though... We were in a car. My car, I'm reasonably certain since I was on that side - what would be the driver's side, in the US anyway.
Then it happened. Did she lean in? Did I? Or did we both? Did she lean farther or did I? Regarless, our lips met. Softly, slowly. Not the best first kiss ever (Sorry, that one was mindblowingly spectacular), but nice.....very nice. Nicer than I expected (Women who have spent a lifetime kissing men usually aren't the best kissers of women, in my opinion. I've not done the science). Gentler somehow, lacking urgency, like we had the rest of forever to contemplate what might come next, if anything.
As I think about it, there is something I remember - I kept wondering if it was dream. Surely, this isn't happening. It must be a dream. We aren't to this point. Hell, we weren't ever supposed to get to that point, that close. Because, look... Yeah, it's something I'd been dying to do for seven months - on and off - however, I had no idea where she was with it. Ok, I had an idea. That idea involved her never, ever, ever thinking of me in that way, never, ever, ever getting that close, never, ever, ever wanting to kiss a woman.
Call me an overthinker. Go ahead. You're not wrong. At that very moment - the exact moment our lips met, the exact moment I'd been waiting seven months on and off for - the only thought in my head (that I remember - keep that in mind) was "Is this a dream?" I'm rolling my eyes, too.
And it wasn't "This is so amazing. It MUST be a dream." Nope. I actually debated it. Like in addition to simply musing, I whipped out a truckload of logic and put forth an argument both for and against. Of course, this is the part of it that I remember best. Of. Course. It. Is. Because, fuck. Why would I merely sit back and enjoy the moment when I could overthink it?
Nonetheless, as it turns out, I was right to wonder, right to overthink. Why, you ask? Did she pull away aghast at the experience? Did she run away like Maggie did when Stella kissed her in the parking lot of Senor Tequila (Shabby-chic book plug, don't you think? Haven't read The Match Trilogy? You probably should)? Did she slap me? Did I slap her? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Then what happened? You want to know, don't you? I finally got some action and you're all dying for intel, aren't you?
Ok...Ok... I'll tell you what happened.
I woke up.
It was a dream. I was right to overthink.
Take it back, y'all. All of it. All of the poo you were talking about me. And, seriously, how dare you think that I would actually kiss and tell in a blog?!? That's what poetry is for. Geez.
**I can't describe how freeing it is to crush on a woman who doesn't read my blog. I can get my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings out and post them for all the world (minus one) to see. It truly is the best therapy**
No. The answer was no. She couldn't stay up there. Said more accurately, I couldn't keep her up there. It's not like she had (or has) anything to do with it. At all. I am highly skeptical that I enter her consciousness - ever - if I'm not immediately present. Out of sight out of mind. It's one of my super powers.
But I digress...
Last night, I kissed her. Or maybe she kissed me. It often blurs doesn't it? The line between kissing and being kissed. I know I'd wanted to for quite some time. The aforementioned seven months. On and off. From her actions, it would appear that she'd wanted to also. Did she start it? Did I? Somehow I think she did. I made it clear several weeks ago that I wouldn't make the first move. I seldom, if ever, break that rule so last night she had to have come a little more than halfway.
I just can't remember. Shit, right? I waited on and off for seven months for that exact moment and I can't recall who started it? I've replayed it in my mind a zillion times and it never gets any less murky. I keep saying I suck at this stuff and apparently I do. What do I remember? Her hands cool and soft touching me. First my arm, then my hand. Was she stepping up the game? That much I remember pondering in the moment. The rest, though... We were in a car. My car, I'm reasonably certain since I was on that side - what would be the driver's side, in the US anyway.
Then it happened. Did she lean in? Did I? Or did we both? Did she lean farther or did I? Regarless, our lips met. Softly, slowly. Not the best first kiss ever (Sorry, that one was mindblowingly spectacular), but nice.....very nice. Nicer than I expected (Women who have spent a lifetime kissing men usually aren't the best kissers of women, in my opinion. I've not done the science). Gentler somehow, lacking urgency, like we had the rest of forever to contemplate what might come next, if anything.
As I think about it, there is something I remember - I kept wondering if it was dream. Surely, this isn't happening. It must be a dream. We aren't to this point. Hell, we weren't ever supposed to get to that point, that close. Because, look... Yeah, it's something I'd been dying to do for seven months - on and off - however, I had no idea where she was with it. Ok, I had an idea. That idea involved her never, ever, ever thinking of me in that way, never, ever, ever getting that close, never, ever, ever wanting to kiss a woman.
Call me an overthinker. Go ahead. You're not wrong. At that very moment - the exact moment our lips met, the exact moment I'd been waiting seven months on and off for - the only thought in my head (that I remember - keep that in mind) was "Is this a dream?" I'm rolling my eyes, too.
And it wasn't "This is so amazing. It MUST be a dream." Nope. I actually debated it. Like in addition to simply musing, I whipped out a truckload of logic and put forth an argument both for and against. Of course, this is the part of it that I remember best. Of. Course. It. Is. Because, fuck. Why would I merely sit back and enjoy the moment when I could overthink it?
Nonetheless, as it turns out, I was right to wonder, right to overthink. Why, you ask? Did she pull away aghast at the experience? Did she run away like Maggie did when Stella kissed her in the parking lot of Senor Tequila (Shabby-chic book plug, don't you think? Haven't read The Match Trilogy? You probably should)? Did she slap me? Did I slap her? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Then what happened? You want to know, don't you? I finally got some action and you're all dying for intel, aren't you?
Ok...Ok... I'll tell you what happened.
I woke up.
It was a dream. I was right to overthink.
Take it back, y'all. All of it. All of the poo you were talking about me. And, seriously, how dare you think that I would actually kiss and tell in a blog?!? That's what poetry is for. Geez.
**I can't describe how freeing it is to crush on a woman who doesn't read my blog. I can get my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings out and post them for all the world (minus one) to see. It truly is the best therapy**
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