On Being Pretty F***ing Great
"I love your vulnerability...your honesty and most of all how aware of your surroundings you are... Keep sharing your truth! We live in a world of appearances... I adore how transparent you are."
~ a reader comment on my blog post, "So, About Last Night..."
I've been doing this a long time. Blogging. I've been far more popular than I am now. A decade ago in Texarkana I had people come up to me in bars, restaurants, etc and ask if I was Stacee Harris. They'd read my blog on Myspace (it was all the rage in the day) and thought they recognized me. That was before Facebook and Notes from the Red Birdhouse. I wrote as therapy. My very first blog was an all-too-personal diatribe about my latest break-up. I quickly lost the anger, but I kept the honesty. I was an atheist lesbian living in the geographical center of the southern Bible Belt which made life pretty interesting at times. Needless to say, I wrote a lot. My following grew. Readers didn't always agree with what I had to say, debate occasionally raged, and my words resulted in more than a few fractured friendships. During one of the worst moments, when I actually considered quitting the blog, one of my friends told me that I had to keep writing. Someone had speak for the ones (the majority) who weren't brave enough or eloquent enough. Stand and speak your truth, Stacee. I believe those were her exact words.
I've toned it down in recent years. I stay away from religion and politics. Being an atheist and a socialist, it's just easier. I don't mind debate, but hate? No, thank you. I also rarely speak directly about my sexual orientation (News flash - I'm gay). Oh, it's readily apparent; I'm beyond hiding. Besides, why would I try to be anything except who I am?
I think I've arrived at the crux of my writing. People often ask what I write about. Lordy, in the day, I wrote about almost everything, including 'tossing salad', watching porn with straight women, Barack Obama, the Christian hegemony, shaving habits, and so much more. Now, I'm a bit tamer. Running, aging, travel, courage, my tenuous mental health, writing, and women are fairly common subjects. Regardless of the topic, my readers have always gotten a huge dose of Me. For better or worse, assuredly. It's a personal blog for a reason, so why would I write about anything else? I always hope that someone out there reads my words and sees something of himself or herself. We aren't alone in this, not by a long shot, and if I can let even one person know and understand that, the time spent has been worth it.
~
I've been told by numerous people that social networking is exclusively about creating appearances. People post things - pics, memes, etc - that present the persona they desire others to see. I'm not going to deny that's out there. I'd even be willing to argue that my friends are correct. I don't know if it's just American society, but we are very much about appearances. Think about why you live where you live, pursue the career you're pursuing, drive the car you drive, married the person you married, chose the sexual orientation you chose? Now think about why you posted that meme or that pic? Am I right?
I imagine that there are people who look at my posts and read my blog and think I'm just putting up an appearance. Stacee wants to be seen as a positive, funny, runner, tennis player, writer, and world traveler. Who is she trying to fool? Oh, wait... Stacee is a positive person, funny too. She runs, plays tennis, and writes. Hey, and doesn't she leave for her fourth trip to Europe in two years in less than three weeks?
And it's not like I only post the good stuff. All of my followers know I'm not above making fun of myself. I'm the first one to point out my short comings. Hell, we all have them. Why not parade them for all to see? I'm introverted, occasionally anxiety-ridden, often cowardly, hopelessly single...just to name a few.
Regardless, this is me. It's all I get so it's all the world gets. Why lie? Why try to be someone or something I'm not? The truth eventually bubbles to the surface. Besides, I actually like who I am.
And who I'm becoming. I may be almost fifty and pretty enamored of the person I am, but I am still in process, still working, still pushing, still trying, still improving, still learning. That's also a key part of who I am and what I write about. I'm a work in progress. We all should be. Maybe I'm too vociferous about it, too insistent, but damn... I'm halfway-ish done with this life. For as far as I've come, I have that far to go. Why stop now? Why coast? Personally, I can't and I won't.
~
Transparency. Truth. Being decisively and unabashedly who I am. There is no higher compliment, no higher praise. I'm glad people notice, but I wish they weren't as in awe of it. I wish more people lived as I do - Open and out, loving themselves and their truth, being vulnerable, honest, and transparent. Maybe it's my age. Or maybe it's that I've been surrounded by people most of my adult life who encourage me to be exactly who I am and love me insanely for it.
One quick story. A night that changed my life. I used to not speak openly about my sexuality. I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. It wasn't that I lied, I just didn't speak the whole truth, My Truth. I talked around it, but never about it. I've lived in smaller places in smaller times. Plus I'm an introvert who would rather hide than be the center of attention. Anyway, this one night during a happy hour at Zapata's someone I didn't know asked me how I'd ended up in Texarkana (Next to no one moves there of their own accord). My stock answer used to involve the weather in Michigan and a friend who needed a roommate. That night, just as I was about to trot out that old stand-by, the woman sitting next to be thumped my leg HARD under the table and loudly whispered in my ear, "Tell YOUR story! Tell it!" So I did. Girlfriend, bad break up. All of it.
I've never turned back. Look, y'all... What if my truth helps someone else see theirs? What if my truth becomes a mirror? What if just one person decides that who they are is pretty fucking great, even though they're far from perfect? Because, Christ, nobody's perfect but everybody has the ability to be pretty fucking great. And what if I inspire one person and that one person inspires another and that person inspires another...? What if the world became a kinder, gentler, more honest, more vulnerable place? For one, I wouldn't have to write blogs like this, because no one would think I was all that special. I assure you, I'd be more than ok with that.
~
So, to my friends and readers who see me, truly see me - my truth, my honesty, my vulnerability - in my writing and love me anyway...Thank you.
~ a reader comment on my blog post, "So, About Last Night..."
I've been doing this a long time. Blogging. I've been far more popular than I am now. A decade ago in Texarkana I had people come up to me in bars, restaurants, etc and ask if I was Stacee Harris. They'd read my blog on Myspace (it was all the rage in the day) and thought they recognized me. That was before Facebook and Notes from the Red Birdhouse. I wrote as therapy. My very first blog was an all-too-personal diatribe about my latest break-up. I quickly lost the anger, but I kept the honesty. I was an atheist lesbian living in the geographical center of the southern Bible Belt which made life pretty interesting at times. Needless to say, I wrote a lot. My following grew. Readers didn't always agree with what I had to say, debate occasionally raged, and my words resulted in more than a few fractured friendships. During one of the worst moments, when I actually considered quitting the blog, one of my friends told me that I had to keep writing. Someone had speak for the ones (the majority) who weren't brave enough or eloquent enough. Stand and speak your truth, Stacee. I believe those were her exact words.
I've toned it down in recent years. I stay away from religion and politics. Being an atheist and a socialist, it's just easier. I don't mind debate, but hate? No, thank you. I also rarely speak directly about my sexual orientation (News flash - I'm gay). Oh, it's readily apparent; I'm beyond hiding. Besides, why would I try to be anything except who I am?
I think I've arrived at the crux of my writing. People often ask what I write about. Lordy, in the day, I wrote about almost everything, including 'tossing salad', watching porn with straight women, Barack Obama, the Christian hegemony, shaving habits, and so much more. Now, I'm a bit tamer. Running, aging, travel, courage, my tenuous mental health, writing, and women are fairly common subjects. Regardless of the topic, my readers have always gotten a huge dose of Me. For better or worse, assuredly. It's a personal blog for a reason, so why would I write about anything else? I always hope that someone out there reads my words and sees something of himself or herself. We aren't alone in this, not by a long shot, and if I can let even one person know and understand that, the time spent has been worth it.
~
I've been told by numerous people that social networking is exclusively about creating appearances. People post things - pics, memes, etc - that present the persona they desire others to see. I'm not going to deny that's out there. I'd even be willing to argue that my friends are correct. I don't know if it's just American society, but we are very much about appearances. Think about why you live where you live, pursue the career you're pursuing, drive the car you drive, married the person you married, chose the sexual orientation you chose? Now think about why you posted that meme or that pic? Am I right?
I imagine that there are people who look at my posts and read my blog and think I'm just putting up an appearance. Stacee wants to be seen as a positive, funny, runner, tennis player, writer, and world traveler. Who is she trying to fool? Oh, wait... Stacee is a positive person, funny too. She runs, plays tennis, and writes. Hey, and doesn't she leave for her fourth trip to Europe in two years in less than three weeks?
And it's not like I only post the good stuff. All of my followers know I'm not above making fun of myself. I'm the first one to point out my short comings. Hell, we all have them. Why not parade them for all to see? I'm introverted, occasionally anxiety-ridden, often cowardly, hopelessly single...just to name a few.
Regardless, this is me. It's all I get so it's all the world gets. Why lie? Why try to be someone or something I'm not? The truth eventually bubbles to the surface. Besides, I actually like who I am.
And who I'm becoming. I may be almost fifty and pretty enamored of the person I am, but I am still in process, still working, still pushing, still trying, still improving, still learning. That's also a key part of who I am and what I write about. I'm a work in progress. We all should be. Maybe I'm too vociferous about it, too insistent, but damn... I'm halfway-ish done with this life. For as far as I've come, I have that far to go. Why stop now? Why coast? Personally, I can't and I won't.
~
Transparency. Truth. Being decisively and unabashedly who I am. There is no higher compliment, no higher praise. I'm glad people notice, but I wish they weren't as in awe of it. I wish more people lived as I do - Open and out, loving themselves and their truth, being vulnerable, honest, and transparent. Maybe it's my age. Or maybe it's that I've been surrounded by people most of my adult life who encourage me to be exactly who I am and love me insanely for it.
One quick story. A night that changed my life. I used to not speak openly about my sexuality. I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. It wasn't that I lied, I just didn't speak the whole truth, My Truth. I talked around it, but never about it. I've lived in smaller places in smaller times. Plus I'm an introvert who would rather hide than be the center of attention. Anyway, this one night during a happy hour at Zapata's someone I didn't know asked me how I'd ended up in Texarkana (Next to no one moves there of their own accord). My stock answer used to involve the weather in Michigan and a friend who needed a roommate. That night, just as I was about to trot out that old stand-by, the woman sitting next to be thumped my leg HARD under the table and loudly whispered in my ear, "Tell YOUR story! Tell it!" So I did. Girlfriend, bad break up. All of it.
I've never turned back. Look, y'all... What if my truth helps someone else see theirs? What if my truth becomes a mirror? What if just one person decides that who they are is pretty fucking great, even though they're far from perfect? Because, Christ, nobody's perfect but everybody has the ability to be pretty fucking great. And what if I inspire one person and that one person inspires another and that person inspires another...? What if the world became a kinder, gentler, more honest, more vulnerable place? For one, I wouldn't have to write blogs like this, because no one would think I was all that special. I assure you, I'd be more than ok with that.
~
So, to my friends and readers who see me, truly see me - my truth, my honesty, my vulnerability - in my writing and love me anyway...Thank you.
Comments
Post a Comment