A Different Kind of 'Have'
'In a world where no one wants to be who they are, the hardest thing to be is yourself.'
~ Stacee Ann Harris
Sometimes I think I should apologize or at the very least make an excuse or two. I'm different. There's no getting around that. Honestly though, at the age of nearly forty-three, I think I'm done pretending to pretend. I'm more or less who I've always been, with occasional minor improvements of course, and I'm not planning any major personality changes any time soon. I'm good with who I am and who I want to be. I don't know if everyone can say that.
Abject boredom aside, I'm content. Most days I might even be willing to argue that I'm happy. I work a job I like well enough and that pays me well enough. Yes, with a degree from a reasonably prestigious private college I should probably do 'more' with my life. Unfortunately, a good degree doesn't guarantee happiness. Neither does wealth or status, for that matter. I'm a department manager at a major retailer. I sell paint for a living.
Wow. I know. It wasn't on any of my 'What I Want to be When I Grow Up' lists either. Most of my childhood I wanted to be a doctor or a fighter pilot or a lawyer. By the time I was halfway through college, I wanted to be a professor. Needless to say, none of that happened. Life happened instead. I left grad school one credit shy of my Masters and fell into a variety of careers. For a time, I was focused on HR. Then I wasn't. Then I decided I just wanted a job I enjoyed. As luck would have it, I have that most days. It may not be glamorous and I'll probably never save the world, but the guy I explained the fine art of staining to last night seemed pretty thankful.
I never thought about being a retail manager when I was growing up. Of course, I never thought much about happiness either. Funny where I ended up. I'm a retail manager and happy. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be happy being a doctor, fighter pilot, lawyer, or a college professor. I very well might be one of those people who is able to find happiness no matter what they are doing or where they are.
Goodness knows in the grander scheme of Western societal mores, I don't have much besides my happiness. I don't drive a nice car or live in a kick-ass apartment. I don't have a hot blond girlfriend. I don't have cool toys. Hell, I'm barely able to pay my bills each month. And yet... I'm happy. Some of my happiness comes from being thankful for the luxuries I do have - Internet access, an iPhone, and cable in one room. I try not to think about the things I could want if I let myself want things, like new skates, a Keurig, and a bigger TV for my living room. Truly for me, life isn't about all that.
Some people look down on me for that, I'm sure. I'm technically a 'have-not' who with a little drive could be a 'have'. God bless, I must be aggravating. Why not, Stacee? Why not???? Hmm... Because I choose to place value on contentment rather than possessions and status? You see to me, I am a 'have'. We can start and end my list with one item. I have happiness. To me that is a lot and more than enough to consider myself a 'have' rather than a 'have-not'
I've often thought about where my happiness comes from and I've come to a very simple conclusion. I am happy because of who I am. Somewhere along the line I started living true to me. Amazingly enough, this is about the time I found happiness. I'm not a product of what I do or what I have in the material sense. Because of this, who I am and what I have won't equate to happiness for most people. I'm single, introverted, physically fit, spiritually evolved, and unpublished. I'm good with all these things and each brings me a modicum of happiness. Sure, I'd love to be 'discovered' and suddenly have a best selling book, but everything comes with a price and I'm not sure it's a price I'm willing to pay. We'll have to see when the time comes.
Who I am may not make a substantial difference in the world, but without fail I shine my light every day. Maybe some day someone will find my individualism and happiness inspiring. Maybe they'll change the world. There's really no telling. In the meantime, I'm going to chip away at my Bucket List, sell some paint, and stay firmly me. No apologies. No excuses. Just me.
~ Stacee Ann Harris
Sometimes I think I should apologize or at the very least make an excuse or two. I'm different. There's no getting around that. Honestly though, at the age of nearly forty-three, I think I'm done pretending to pretend. I'm more or less who I've always been, with occasional minor improvements of course, and I'm not planning any major personality changes any time soon. I'm good with who I am and who I want to be. I don't know if everyone can say that.
Abject boredom aside, I'm content. Most days I might even be willing to argue that I'm happy. I work a job I like well enough and that pays me well enough. Yes, with a degree from a reasonably prestigious private college I should probably do 'more' with my life. Unfortunately, a good degree doesn't guarantee happiness. Neither does wealth or status, for that matter. I'm a department manager at a major retailer. I sell paint for a living.
Wow. I know. It wasn't on any of my 'What I Want to be When I Grow Up' lists either. Most of my childhood I wanted to be a doctor or a fighter pilot or a lawyer. By the time I was halfway through college, I wanted to be a professor. Needless to say, none of that happened. Life happened instead. I left grad school one credit shy of my Masters and fell into a variety of careers. For a time, I was focused on HR. Then I wasn't. Then I decided I just wanted a job I enjoyed. As luck would have it, I have that most days. It may not be glamorous and I'll probably never save the world, but the guy I explained the fine art of staining to last night seemed pretty thankful.
I never thought about being a retail manager when I was growing up. Of course, I never thought much about happiness either. Funny where I ended up. I'm a retail manager and happy. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be happy being a doctor, fighter pilot, lawyer, or a college professor. I very well might be one of those people who is able to find happiness no matter what they are doing or where they are.
Goodness knows in the grander scheme of Western societal mores, I don't have much besides my happiness. I don't drive a nice car or live in a kick-ass apartment. I don't have a hot blond girlfriend. I don't have cool toys. Hell, I'm barely able to pay my bills each month. And yet... I'm happy. Some of my happiness comes from being thankful for the luxuries I do have - Internet access, an iPhone, and cable in one room. I try not to think about the things I could want if I let myself want things, like new skates, a Keurig, and a bigger TV for my living room. Truly for me, life isn't about all that.
Some people look down on me for that, I'm sure. I'm technically a 'have-not' who with a little drive could be a 'have'. God bless, I must be aggravating. Why not, Stacee? Why not???? Hmm... Because I choose to place value on contentment rather than possessions and status? You see to me, I am a 'have'. We can start and end my list with one item. I have happiness. To me that is a lot and more than enough to consider myself a 'have' rather than a 'have-not'
I've often thought about where my happiness comes from and I've come to a very simple conclusion. I am happy because of who I am. Somewhere along the line I started living true to me. Amazingly enough, this is about the time I found happiness. I'm not a product of what I do or what I have in the material sense. Because of this, who I am and what I have won't equate to happiness for most people. I'm single, introverted, physically fit, spiritually evolved, and unpublished. I'm good with all these things and each brings me a modicum of happiness. Sure, I'd love to be 'discovered' and suddenly have a best selling book, but everything comes with a price and I'm not sure it's a price I'm willing to pay. We'll have to see when the time comes.
Who I am may not make a substantial difference in the world, but without fail I shine my light every day. Maybe some day someone will find my individualism and happiness inspiring. Maybe they'll change the world. There's really no telling. In the meantime, I'm going to chip away at my Bucket List, sell some paint, and stay firmly me. No apologies. No excuses. Just me.
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