Grace Happens
I am determined that Grace happens. Whether we want it to or not. Whether we see it or not. It's there. Happening. Right before our eyes. Maybe I'm biased somehow, though I'm not sure how that could be. God didn't pluck me out and make me a 'glass half full' person. I'm not unnecessarily special or unusually buoyant. I refuse to be Suzy Sunshine and, believe me, I've seen my share of shit. Perhaps it's my view from the high road, which I seem to take more often than not. It's the long view, not the short sight, that makes Grace happen. At least for me. And remember, I'm nothing special.
Others aren't me. They are determined that the world is a rough place. Shit, not Grace, is prone to happen. It's everywhere, just look at the bottom of their shoe. They've slogged through plenty and stepped in their share. Life sucks. They may not always lose, but they never win either. Happiness is as elusive as the sun on a cloudy day and sadness is invariably right around the corner. Stuck in the purgatory between Heaven and Hell, they pray for Salvation because they don't want to endure an eternity mired in something worse than their current earthly existence.
Some may say that I've led a blessed life. I haven't had to endure what they have. It's easy for me to see the positive because I've never faced adversity. Ok, sure... On some level, they are correct. I didn't fight childhood cancer or experience the death of a parent at an early age. I wasn't maimed in a car accident or have bad acne as a teenager. I've never been overweight, homeless, or disfigured in any way. My husband didn't cheat on me with his mid-life crisis, leave me, and refuse to pay child support. My house didn't burn down and leave me ruing my decision to cancel my home owners' insurance. I have not been physically abused or raped. I've never been pistol whipped or held at gun point.
I honestly don't know how I would react if faced with any of those situations. My ardent hope is that I would be able to see my way through and steadfastly believe that Grace does happen, much like I do after having gone through what I've gone through. While small potatoes, my life hasn't always been perfect. My parents are divorced. I was cheated on by nearly all my girlfriends. I watched the love of my life fall in love with someone else. I lived as an out lesbian in a Southern town. I ran out of money and couldn't finish grad school. I injured my shoulder before my senior tennis season. At the height of my running career, I broke my leg and had to take five months off. I got laid off from my job and was unemployed for five months. I totalled my car. I owned two houses that have languished on the market and refused to sell, costing me exorbitant sums of money. I was financially ripped off by women I've loved and trusted. I watched my puppy, Norah, die from distemper.
The funny thing is that it's hard for me to even think of all the negative things I've been through because I don't see them as negative. What happened happened. How I react to it is what matters. While many people live their lives full of regret - if only they'd done this, if only they hadn't done that - I have none. Zero. I wouldn't change anything about my life, not my bad choices, not my mistakes. Nothing.
How can I say that? Because Grace happens. It does. Whether we're paying attention or not. And I choose to pay attention. I have to. I refuse to live my life mired in the negative. I am not a victim. Above all, I eschew a 'why me?' attitude and take responsibility for all of my decisions, even my phenomenally awful ones. I am who I am - the product of every moment of my life thus far. I am happy because I take it all for what it is - Grace. Perfect, immutable, positive Grace.
Sure, it may all be in the interpretation. Ok, so why would anyone choose to interpret any outcome as something other than a positive expression of God's love? Why would they choose the negative, ugly underbelly over a bright, beautiful positive? Truthfully I couldn't begin to guess much less understand. I know what I choose and why. I like my place on the high road and my long view. The rest can stay a mystery for all I care. I'm sure something good will come of the negativity eventually. After all, Grace does happen. It does. Whether we want it to or not.
Others aren't me. They are determined that the world is a rough place. Shit, not Grace, is prone to happen. It's everywhere, just look at the bottom of their shoe. They've slogged through plenty and stepped in their share. Life sucks. They may not always lose, but they never win either. Happiness is as elusive as the sun on a cloudy day and sadness is invariably right around the corner. Stuck in the purgatory between Heaven and Hell, they pray for Salvation because they don't want to endure an eternity mired in something worse than their current earthly existence.
Some may say that I've led a blessed life. I haven't had to endure what they have. It's easy for me to see the positive because I've never faced adversity. Ok, sure... On some level, they are correct. I didn't fight childhood cancer or experience the death of a parent at an early age. I wasn't maimed in a car accident or have bad acne as a teenager. I've never been overweight, homeless, or disfigured in any way. My husband didn't cheat on me with his mid-life crisis, leave me, and refuse to pay child support. My house didn't burn down and leave me ruing my decision to cancel my home owners' insurance. I have not been physically abused or raped. I've never been pistol whipped or held at gun point.
I honestly don't know how I would react if faced with any of those situations. My ardent hope is that I would be able to see my way through and steadfastly believe that Grace does happen, much like I do after having gone through what I've gone through. While small potatoes, my life hasn't always been perfect. My parents are divorced. I was cheated on by nearly all my girlfriends. I watched the love of my life fall in love with someone else. I lived as an out lesbian in a Southern town. I ran out of money and couldn't finish grad school. I injured my shoulder before my senior tennis season. At the height of my running career, I broke my leg and had to take five months off. I got laid off from my job and was unemployed for five months. I totalled my car. I owned two houses that have languished on the market and refused to sell, costing me exorbitant sums of money. I was financially ripped off by women I've loved and trusted. I watched my puppy, Norah, die from distemper.
The funny thing is that it's hard for me to even think of all the negative things I've been through because I don't see them as negative. What happened happened. How I react to it is what matters. While many people live their lives full of regret - if only they'd done this, if only they hadn't done that - I have none. Zero. I wouldn't change anything about my life, not my bad choices, not my mistakes. Nothing.
How can I say that? Because Grace happens. It does. Whether we're paying attention or not. And I choose to pay attention. I have to. I refuse to live my life mired in the negative. I am not a victim. Above all, I eschew a 'why me?' attitude and take responsibility for all of my decisions, even my phenomenally awful ones. I am who I am - the product of every moment of my life thus far. I am happy because I take it all for what it is - Grace. Perfect, immutable, positive Grace.
Sure, it may all be in the interpretation. Ok, so why would anyone choose to interpret any outcome as something other than a positive expression of God's love? Why would they choose the negative, ugly underbelly over a bright, beautiful positive? Truthfully I couldn't begin to guess much less understand. I know what I choose and why. I like my place on the high road and my long view. The rest can stay a mystery for all I care. I'm sure something good will come of the negativity eventually. After all, Grace does happen. It does. Whether we want it to or not.
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