One Word About My Bitchy Mood
I'm in an unusually bitchy mood today. I know it's odd for me. Generally speaking, I'm happy or close enough that I can fake it. I can manage a smile, a laugh, and a few fun comments. Not today. I don't feel like smiling or laughing or saying anything fun. I am pissy and I'm not going to apologize for it. I expect I'll be better tomorrow, but for right now I'm in no mood to overcome. I'm tired, sore, fat, homesick, and broke. I have absolutely no motivation to be nice or even civil. I know it's shocking, but you're just going to have to deal.
The worst part about my bitchy mood is trying to shield others from my wrath. I spent eight hours at work trying not to complain, yatch, and/or go off on anyone. I succeeded fairly well, I think. I'm sure the friends I usually text throughout the day can tell I'm in a crappy mood. I've been quieter than usual. I'm not into conversation and I fear my normal sarcasm might have a bit of an edge today. I don't want to piss anyone off. God help us all if someone comes at me for something I've said today. I might not be able to restrain myself like I usually do.
All that said, it's been hard. This morning it took me two hours to return a 'good morning' text. My first reaction was to ask 'what's good about it?' or go on and on about how effin tired I was or how much I'm unappreciated at work or how much I wanted to crawl in a hole. I know I erased a few completely inappropriate texts before settling on 'Good Morning' with a smiley face. Perhaps it was the pussy way out, but when I send a 'good morning' text, I don't expect to get a diatribe about the sucky state of the world back. She was trying to be nice (and I have to admit I liked knowing she was thinking of me this morning) and didn't deserve my moody bullshit. Needless to say, I didn't follow up my 'Good Morning' with anything else. Like I said, I'm not feeling very conversational.
On my lunch break, however, I thought I should try to be nice in return. So, I sucked up my bitchy mood and sent a quick text asking about her day. I got an immediate response. 'Good'. One word. No punctuation. And no follow-up a few minutes later. Just 'Good'. Maybe I'm extraordinarily bitchy today, but that pissed me off. 'Good'. Not 'Good!'. Not 'Good. Thanks'. Not 'Good. How's your day?'. Nothing. Just 'Good'. Yeah well, fuck you, too. I tried so hard this morning to be nice and this is what I get in return? I thought I was the one in the bitchy mood.
I guess I'm just not a fan of the one word answer. I took the trouble to ask an open ended question. I expected more of an answer. Not a novel, but maybe a complete sentence or at the very least a punctuation mark. And hell, she's on vacation so it's not like I was interfering with her work day. I was envious of her day off and wanted to know how it was going. So fucking sue me! It's not like I'd been texting all day and all night. I could see if I'd been pestering her by over-texting. In that case, a one-word answer would be an appropriate polite blow-off. However, I don't think I deserved a blow off. Truly, I'd rather get no answer than a one word answer. In my present mood, 'Good' seemed like a slap. My day is good, but I'm not willing to elaborate or or I don't want to elaborate. Or my fingers suddenly got cut off and all I could do was hit send with my nose. Or my phone flew out the car window before I could finish and the ground hit send.
In any case, sorry for bothering. Next time I won't pull my head out of my ass and try to be nice. Fuck nice. I'm going with silence from here on. 'Good' to me is a non-answer therefore the ball is in her court. I will not send another until I hear from her. Oh, I won't sink to the level of the one word answer, no matter how crappy my mood. No, I know better than that. If someone thinks enough of me to text me, I'm going to be nice. Just like this morning. I didn't blaze up about the shittiness of my day and my mood and my everything. I went with 'Good morning' AND a smiley face for Christ's sake. It took a lot of work to well up that much positive. And what do I get? 'Good'. Next time ignore me. It's more honest.
Alright, I'm going to take my vile mood and hibernate awhile. I'm beyond trying to be nice. It doesn't get me anything except more tired and more bitchy. Consider my losses cut and my niceness over. I'd say 'holla, bitches', but I'd probably prefer that you didn't.
The worst part about my bitchy mood is trying to shield others from my wrath. I spent eight hours at work trying not to complain, yatch, and/or go off on anyone. I succeeded fairly well, I think. I'm sure the friends I usually text throughout the day can tell I'm in a crappy mood. I've been quieter than usual. I'm not into conversation and I fear my normal sarcasm might have a bit of an edge today. I don't want to piss anyone off. God help us all if someone comes at me for something I've said today. I might not be able to restrain myself like I usually do.
All that said, it's been hard. This morning it took me two hours to return a 'good morning' text. My first reaction was to ask 'what's good about it?' or go on and on about how effin tired I was or how much I'm unappreciated at work or how much I wanted to crawl in a hole. I know I erased a few completely inappropriate texts before settling on 'Good Morning' with a smiley face. Perhaps it was the pussy way out, but when I send a 'good morning' text, I don't expect to get a diatribe about the sucky state of the world back. She was trying to be nice (and I have to admit I liked knowing she was thinking of me this morning) and didn't deserve my moody bullshit. Needless to say, I didn't follow up my 'Good Morning' with anything else. Like I said, I'm not feeling very conversational.
On my lunch break, however, I thought I should try to be nice in return. So, I sucked up my bitchy mood and sent a quick text asking about her day. I got an immediate response. 'Good'. One word. No punctuation. And no follow-up a few minutes later. Just 'Good'. Maybe I'm extraordinarily bitchy today, but that pissed me off. 'Good'. Not 'Good!'. Not 'Good. Thanks'. Not 'Good. How's your day?'. Nothing. Just 'Good'. Yeah well, fuck you, too. I tried so hard this morning to be nice and this is what I get in return? I thought I was the one in the bitchy mood.
I guess I'm just not a fan of the one word answer. I took the trouble to ask an open ended question. I expected more of an answer. Not a novel, but maybe a complete sentence or at the very least a punctuation mark. And hell, she's on vacation so it's not like I was interfering with her work day. I was envious of her day off and wanted to know how it was going. So fucking sue me! It's not like I'd been texting all day and all night. I could see if I'd been pestering her by over-texting. In that case, a one-word answer would be an appropriate polite blow-off. However, I don't think I deserved a blow off. Truly, I'd rather get no answer than a one word answer. In my present mood, 'Good' seemed like a slap. My day is good, but I'm not willing to elaborate or or I don't want to elaborate. Or my fingers suddenly got cut off and all I could do was hit send with my nose. Or my phone flew out the car window before I could finish and the ground hit send.
In any case, sorry for bothering. Next time I won't pull my head out of my ass and try to be nice. Fuck nice. I'm going with silence from here on. 'Good' to me is a non-answer therefore the ball is in her court. I will not send another until I hear from her. Oh, I won't sink to the level of the one word answer, no matter how crappy my mood. No, I know better than that. If someone thinks enough of me to text me, I'm going to be nice. Just like this morning. I didn't blaze up about the shittiness of my day and my mood and my everything. I went with 'Good morning' AND a smiley face for Christ's sake. It took a lot of work to well up that much positive. And what do I get? 'Good'. Next time ignore me. It's more honest.
Alright, I'm going to take my vile mood and hibernate awhile. I'm beyond trying to be nice. It doesn't get me anything except more tired and more bitchy. Consider my losses cut and my niceness over. I'd say 'holla, bitches', but I'd probably prefer that you didn't.
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