Reason Enough
'We'll fast forward to a few years later. And no one knows except the both of us. And I have honored your request for silence. And you washed your hands clean of this.'
~Alanis Morissette, "Hands Clean"
Today is May 8th. It is the eighth anniversary of the most pivotal day of my life. Every life has a couple. And if you are lucky, you can remember and celebrate. I am lucky. I remember this day all those years ago like it was yesterday. How she looked when she opened the door. What it felt like when the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen told me that she liked me too. It was the best day of my life. Absolutely. But today, May 8, 2010, isn't about her. Well, it is, but it's more about everything that came after her. She was the start, the turning of a page. Without her and all that came next, I wouldn't be who I am and where I am today.
For the first few years, today was a bittersweet day for me. I missed her. It was about her. All about her. Everything. My life. My happiness. My sadness. Everything. She was It, The One, The Love of My Life. I mourned this day for all I felt I had lost. Once upon a time, I had her. Then I had nothing. Except life without her. The pain was relentless and at times unbearable. I couldn't reflect. I couldn't see the bigger picture. I wasn't ready to know what I know now.
Years passed and I found clarity, happiness, and life without her. The pain subsided and I persevered. Instead of being sadden by memories, I smiled. May 8th became cause for celebration. It was a great day and the start of a great time in my life. That it ended far too soon was no longer cause for concern or sadness. It was what it was and I moved on.
Some like to say that I'm not 'over her', that some part of me is still holding on, hopeful. They think because I remember and write about her and pause on May 8th every year that I'm somehow still burried in her. I'm not. What I have now is perspective and a life I love. Without that time, without her, I wouldn't be where I am today. You see, she is why I am in Texas, why I came to Texarakana, the God-forsaken little Bible Belt town where I discovered myself, learned to stand, and started to write. She is also why I am now in Austin, struggling and fighting for life in a new place. She did all of this indirectly of course. She didn't hold a gun to my head, nor did she force me to do anything against my will. She never suggested any of it (well, except that I move to Texarkana). She was simply the catalyst.
From the moment I first saw her, I knew. I didn't know what I knew, but I knew it was something big. It turns out she was my Destiny, but not in the traditional 'til-death-do-us-part-Nicholas-Sparks kind of way. She was the start, a new beginning I didn't know I needed. And I... I am the finish, all that has come since. Without her, that day, that night, and the eight months that followed, I woudn't be here. At least I don't think I would be. And I like 'here', maybe not every day, but most days. I think that is reason enough to remember and to celebrate. So, here's to her and me and everything that came after.
~Alanis Morissette, "Hands Clean"
Today is May 8th. It is the eighth anniversary of the most pivotal day of my life. Every life has a couple. And if you are lucky, you can remember and celebrate. I am lucky. I remember this day all those years ago like it was yesterday. How she looked when she opened the door. What it felt like when the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen told me that she liked me too. It was the best day of my life. Absolutely. But today, May 8, 2010, isn't about her. Well, it is, but it's more about everything that came after her. She was the start, the turning of a page. Without her and all that came next, I wouldn't be who I am and where I am today.
For the first few years, today was a bittersweet day for me. I missed her. It was about her. All about her. Everything. My life. My happiness. My sadness. Everything. She was It, The One, The Love of My Life. I mourned this day for all I felt I had lost. Once upon a time, I had her. Then I had nothing. Except life without her. The pain was relentless and at times unbearable. I couldn't reflect. I couldn't see the bigger picture. I wasn't ready to know what I know now.
Years passed and I found clarity, happiness, and life without her. The pain subsided and I persevered. Instead of being sadden by memories, I smiled. May 8th became cause for celebration. It was a great day and the start of a great time in my life. That it ended far too soon was no longer cause for concern or sadness. It was what it was and I moved on.
Some like to say that I'm not 'over her', that some part of me is still holding on, hopeful. They think because I remember and write about her and pause on May 8th every year that I'm somehow still burried in her. I'm not. What I have now is perspective and a life I love. Without that time, without her, I wouldn't be where I am today. You see, she is why I am in Texas, why I came to Texarakana, the God-forsaken little Bible Belt town where I discovered myself, learned to stand, and started to write. She is also why I am now in Austin, struggling and fighting for life in a new place. She did all of this indirectly of course. She didn't hold a gun to my head, nor did she force me to do anything against my will. She never suggested any of it (well, except that I move to Texarkana). She was simply the catalyst.
From the moment I first saw her, I knew. I didn't know what I knew, but I knew it was something big. It turns out she was my Destiny, but not in the traditional 'til-death-do-us-part-Nicholas-Sparks kind of way. She was the start, a new beginning I didn't know I needed. And I... I am the finish, all that has come since. Without her, that day, that night, and the eight months that followed, I woudn't be here. At least I don't think I would be. And I like 'here', maybe not every day, but most days. I think that is reason enough to remember and to celebrate. So, here's to her and me and everything that came after.
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