Ignorant of Me
In this life I have been loved, liked, hated, and ignored. Love is by far my favorite, followed closely by like. I very lucky to be loved and liked by many. Hate, though, has it's place. When I finally decided to stand in my truth, I faced quite a bit of hatred. It's shocking, I know, but not everyone in East Texas likes a matter of fact non-Christian, lesbian who refuses to hide or run. Hate always reminds me that I'm doing something right. Being ignored, though, sucks on every level. Because I am different, I am either easy to categorize or impossible to categorize. This leads people, many of whom don't like to think about much besides what's for dinner and who's fucking whom, to overlook and ignore me. It's simpler that way. They pigeon-hole me or just simply move on without giving me a second thought. Either way, I'm not a fan because they form an ignorance without even knowing me.
I'm sure it sounds strange that I'd rather be hated than ignored. You see, the people that hate me, hate me for me. For who I am. And all that they attribute to "my kind". That's cool with me. At least it's honest. I'm honest. They are honest. In a way, we agree to disagree. I'm probably not going to change them and they are most certainly not going to change me. And in truth, it's not really the goal. I respect that they've given it some thought and have an opinion of me (I refuse to judge them, nor will I hate them, simply because they hate me).
Those who ignore me, live in ignorance of me. They don't care enough to find out anything about me. They just want to shove the square peg into the round hole and be done with it. It requires no thought, no apology, no opinion, no fuss, and no muss. It's easy. "Stacee is this..." Or "Stacee is that..." Or "That's too much to deal with". Done. End of file. I'm safely tucked away where they never have to deal with me again.
Since moving to Austin last year, I have been hated less (which is a good thing), but ignored more (which is not a good thing). I know why it's different here. In East Texas, I was feared and hated because I was an Anti-Christ of sorts. I was evil. I liked to fuck women AND I hadn't accepted Jesus as my Saviour. That's a nice double-whammy to the good, God-fearing folks in Texarkana. Amid all that hatred, I learned who I was, who I wanted to be, and what I stood for. Fight every day for the right to believe what you believe and you become pretty certain about what you believe. Now here in Austin, I'm not so different as to be a heretic. I'm a lesbian and a non-Christian, which is easy for most Austinites. There are perfectly formed pigeon-holes here for people like me, so that's where they stick me. Either that or they rail against my unwillingness to be categorized (I am different, even here), grow frustrated, and stick me in yet another kind of pigeon-hole. Neither path requires thought, apology, opinion, fuss, or muss, and they remain forever ignorant of me.
So, give me love, like, or hatred. All reinforce who I am and who I want to be. Ignorance and indifference to nothing for me. I can stand all I want and no one cares. And I want people to care. I want people to think. I want them to see similarities more than they see differences. Above all, I want people to see, know, and understand. That is my mission, my goal, my mitzvah, and my calling. That said, I will continue to stand and speak my truth for those who care to listen. Whether people love me or hate me, at least they are listening and thinking. And that's all I want for the world.
I'm sure it sounds strange that I'd rather be hated than ignored. You see, the people that hate me, hate me for me. For who I am. And all that they attribute to "my kind". That's cool with me. At least it's honest. I'm honest. They are honest. In a way, we agree to disagree. I'm probably not going to change them and they are most certainly not going to change me. And in truth, it's not really the goal. I respect that they've given it some thought and have an opinion of me (I refuse to judge them, nor will I hate them, simply because they hate me).
Those who ignore me, live in ignorance of me. They don't care enough to find out anything about me. They just want to shove the square peg into the round hole and be done with it. It requires no thought, no apology, no opinion, no fuss, and no muss. It's easy. "Stacee is this..." Or "Stacee is that..." Or "That's too much to deal with". Done. End of file. I'm safely tucked away where they never have to deal with me again.
Since moving to Austin last year, I have been hated less (which is a good thing), but ignored more (which is not a good thing). I know why it's different here. In East Texas, I was feared and hated because I was an Anti-Christ of sorts. I was evil. I liked to fuck women AND I hadn't accepted Jesus as my Saviour. That's a nice double-whammy to the good, God-fearing folks in Texarkana. Amid all that hatred, I learned who I was, who I wanted to be, and what I stood for. Fight every day for the right to believe what you believe and you become pretty certain about what you believe. Now here in Austin, I'm not so different as to be a heretic. I'm a lesbian and a non-Christian, which is easy for most Austinites. There are perfectly formed pigeon-holes here for people like me, so that's where they stick me. Either that or they rail against my unwillingness to be categorized (I am different, even here), grow frustrated, and stick me in yet another kind of pigeon-hole. Neither path requires thought, apology, opinion, fuss, or muss, and they remain forever ignorant of me.
So, give me love, like, or hatred. All reinforce who I am and who I want to be. Ignorance and indifference to nothing for me. I can stand all I want and no one cares. And I want people to care. I want people to think. I want them to see similarities more than they see differences. Above all, I want people to see, know, and understand. That is my mission, my goal, my mitzvah, and my calling. That said, I will continue to stand and speak my truth for those who care to listen. Whether people love me or hate me, at least they are listening and thinking. And that's all I want for the world.
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