Blessed and/or Lucky

Let me begin by saying that I'm beyond blessed. "Blessed". It's a common phrase here in the South. I don't know if I ever heard anyone refer to themselves as "blessed" until I moved to Texas fifteen years ago. Now, I hear it all the time. "Have a blessed day." In response to "How are you?" "I am blessed." And apparently I've heard it so much that I've begun saying it. Part of me must believe it. Of course, I DO NOT believe that my blessings come from a higher power, like 99.9% of the people around me who say it. I'm simply using the term because...well, I don't know why. Maybe I should say that I'm beyond lucky. But, you know, it's more than luck. Or not quite luck. It's something else. Yes, I'm lucky. But I'm also blessed. Because, God knows, I'm not lucky. I never win at random stuff. I win at things that come from hard work. Not that blessings necessarily come from hard work... Or that my blessings have come from hard work. Oy. Geez. I dunno.

So, let's begin again and just go with it. I'm beyond blessed. I recently took on a part time job, in addition to my full time gig at The World's Largest Home Improvement Retailer, not because I need it to make rent or my car payment, like many of my friends. Nope. I'm now moonlighting (ok, actually afternooning) at The World's Most Famous Coffee Purveyor so I can afford two trips to Europe a year. Yes, you read the right. I'm putting in an extra 15-20/week around EVERYTHING else I have going, just so I can travel twice a year and not go into debt. I love travel, but I also love being debt-free, and I'm unwilling to sacrifice one for the other.

I don't have lavish travel habits (reference my blogs about window-less hotel rooms and doing laundry in hotel bathrooms), but even the most budget conscious travel costs a pretty penny. The hotels I choose usually have a paltry number of couple stars and my only concession to expense is a private bathroom (I am waaaay too American to concede on that level). I will take a hotel with a free breakfast buffet over one without. Seriously, if you play that right, you can have TWO meals a day on the house - Get up early and eat, then come back right before close to fill up. I give myself just $100/day for expenses - all expenses - including transportation, non-free-breakfast-buffet meals, souvenirs, excursions, and museum and attraction tickets (Running tours are a given - can't take a run-cation without them - so they don't count against my daily expense cap). Up until now, I've traveled exclusively in Scandinavia and it's been a bit pricey in places ($31USD for a double cheeseburger, fries, and hard cider in Oslo as one example). After Reykjavik in October (which might end up as expensive as Norway), I'm sliding south and east. I'm not going to lie. Part of what made Croatia so attractive for my two week spring trip was it's comparatively lower cost. I really wanted to go to Malta, but when I did the math, Croatia was a no-brainer. So Croatia, it is.

Cheaper or not, it's still going to cost me thousands of dollars I don't currently have sitting at the ready in my travel account (Yep, I've got one and it's totally separate from my other checking and savings accounts). That's why I'm working a second job. I could have taken a lot of jobs - fast food, grocery store checker, but I figured working for an internationally recognized company and learning a skill that is needed all over the world would be a good idea. Eventually, I'll be a barista and one day I hope to be proficient in all facets of the business. Right now, I'm strictly entry-level scud labor - I take out trash, do dishes, mop floors. I did get on the register a minute yesterday and I'm getting better at warming up stuff in the oven. They say I'm doing fine, but I have my doubts.

It's all a chaotic mess at this point not even a week in. I'm honestly grappling with a few issues and I can't say I haven't thought about quitting. Yes, already.

(1) It's been a hot minute since I've worked two jobs. Before I moved to Texas, I always had a couple jobs. It was just what I did. Now, I'm simply not used to it. When I look out over the horizon of most days, I've got eight hours at one job and at least four hours at another to go. Admittedly, it's all mental. I just need to wrap my brain around it and get used to not having any free time. I've also given up a couple hours sleep a night which is something I said I'd never compromise. Thus far, I haven't missed a workout, but I have the feeling I will eventually. I'm not sure how I'll handle that. I guess we'll see (especially since the purpose of Reykjavik in October is to race a half marathon).

(2) I'm not used to sucking at so much with such regularity. It always happens when starting a new job. I know this. I do. I've re-created myself at my main gig so many times and had to start from scratch at something new, but damn... I feel like I fumble and stumble constantly. Luckily, all my co-workers are nice and reassuring. They tell me they fumbled and stumbled, too, and that I'll get it eventually. This kind of patience is, unfortunately, NOT my strong suit.

(3) My timing, as usual, sucks. Not only am I working two paid jobs, but I'm also trying to get my arms wrapped around the release of my first novel. Independent publishing means I wear a lot of hats. Fortunately, a few highly motivated friends have jumped on board so I don't feel quite as alone and over-matched. But still... There's a lot to do and now I have even less time to do it.

I think when I start to see the balance in my travel account go up, I'll be fine. After all, that's the goal. Eyes on the prize and all that. I get to slave away so that I can travel. It's not so I can afford to eat or have health insurance. Many of my co-workers are part of the "working poor". They work two or more jobs out of necessity. I feel for them and I am so grateful that I have all that I have. If I had to work two jobs to keep it, I would. I'm just ecstatic and grateful I don't have to.

So, as I said in the beginning - I'm beyond blessed. Not sanctified or beatified, like my thesaurus suggests as alternatives. Even if I did believe that there was a god pulling for me, I still wouldn't give Him credit. Like I deserve His adoration and favor over anyone else in this world? Ugh... (We've arrived at my issue with religion in a nutshell). Maybe we ought to go with lucky. It's safer. In that case, I'm beyond lucky. Fortunate. Halcyon. Golden. Regardless of the adjective, I'm insanely thankful.

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