A Beautifully Fragile Momentary Bit of Forever
I wonder how this statement would go over - 'If I could find a woman just like you [but not straight or married], I'd actually consider dating'. I guess I'd be flattered, though I'd probably feel the impending doom that invariably comes with a backhanded compliment. It's like when women say that I'd make the perfect man or tell me that if I was a man they would date me. At first blush it seems cool, flattering even, then comes the roll of thunder in the distance. Wait a minute... So, I'm only good enough if I'm a man. That is of course a rhetorical assumption that I never voice to anyone, but I don't think I'm too far off the mark. After all, no one's ever jumped the fence or even suggested that they might. By virtue of being female, I'm a non-entity. Eh... I'm used to it.
So, right back at you, Ladies. 'If I could find a woman like you [who dated women], I'd consider dating'. Notice I didn't say, 'I'd date you' or even 'I'd consider dating you' (Boy, that statement got me in hot water last year). I just said I'd consider dating. Given that I live pretty far from dating reality, it doesn't matter who 'she' is, I'm still not sure I want to do it.
And let's be realistic about my psychology (come on in, the water's fine), women who date women are never as attractive to me as their straight counterparts. Of course, my favorite 'kind' of women are what I would label 'straight yet willing'. Please, can we leave the discussion of forever to another time? Suffice it to say that 'forever' is a figment of the imagination and nothing I desire. I like right now, tomorrow, and next week. Memories are eternal and life is long. Why pigeonhole myself into thinking about, believing in, and needing something that lasts forever? Why can't it just be great right now?
Straight yet willing women make no bones about forever. Oh, they may say they want it, but in reality they want the beauty of right now and right now alone. And 'right now' can be beautiful, more beautiful than forever. Right now is delicate, ethereal, not destined for long term success. As such, it is special and should be appreciated for all it is not and never will be. I have experienced many of these beautiful moments of momentary willingness and I wouldn't trade one for 'forever'. In my mind, the beauty of those moments lies in their fragility and in their passing.
So yes, if I could find a 'straight yet willing' woman, I'd consider dating. Truth be told, I know a few women who might 'fit the bill', so to speak. Well, the straight part anyway. 'Willing' is a bit more complicated. I suppose I could hit them with my backhanded compliment - 'If I could find a woman like you, I'd consider dating' - and see where it goes. Eeeek. Yeah. That's a little more forward than I want to be and, in reality, I'm more than good as is anyway. It'll happen when it happens. With or without my pushing and worry.
Or it won't. In the meantime, there's nothing that says I can't look around and imagine 'what if'. In any case, things are safer in my head. If nothing else, my imaginings might finally motivate me to write some fiction. My characters almost always find 'straight yet willing' women with whom they may share a beautifully fragile momentary bit of forever. If I ever get the courage to write the stories in my head, I'll make the NYT Best Seller List for sure. Now there's a worth while goal, so who needs 'forever'?
So, right back at you, Ladies. 'If I could find a woman like you [who dated women], I'd consider dating'. Notice I didn't say, 'I'd date you' or even 'I'd consider dating you' (Boy, that statement got me in hot water last year). I just said I'd consider dating. Given that I live pretty far from dating reality, it doesn't matter who 'she' is, I'm still not sure I want to do it.
And let's be realistic about my psychology (come on in, the water's fine), women who date women are never as attractive to me as their straight counterparts. Of course, my favorite 'kind' of women are what I would label 'straight yet willing'. Please, can we leave the discussion of forever to another time? Suffice it to say that 'forever' is a figment of the imagination and nothing I desire. I like right now, tomorrow, and next week. Memories are eternal and life is long. Why pigeonhole myself into thinking about, believing in, and needing something that lasts forever? Why can't it just be great right now?
Straight yet willing women make no bones about forever. Oh, they may say they want it, but in reality they want the beauty of right now and right now alone. And 'right now' can be beautiful, more beautiful than forever. Right now is delicate, ethereal, not destined for long term success. As such, it is special and should be appreciated for all it is not and never will be. I have experienced many of these beautiful moments of momentary willingness and I wouldn't trade one for 'forever'. In my mind, the beauty of those moments lies in their fragility and in their passing.
So yes, if I could find a 'straight yet willing' woman, I'd consider dating. Truth be told, I know a few women who might 'fit the bill', so to speak. Well, the straight part anyway. 'Willing' is a bit more complicated. I suppose I could hit them with my backhanded compliment - 'If I could find a woman like you, I'd consider dating' - and see where it goes. Eeeek. Yeah. That's a little more forward than I want to be and, in reality, I'm more than good as is anyway. It'll happen when it happens. With or without my pushing and worry.
Or it won't. In the meantime, there's nothing that says I can't look around and imagine 'what if'. In any case, things are safer in my head. If nothing else, my imaginings might finally motivate me to write some fiction. My characters almost always find 'straight yet willing' women with whom they may share a beautifully fragile momentary bit of forever. If I ever get the courage to write the stories in my head, I'll make the NYT Best Seller List for sure. Now there's a worth while goal, so who needs 'forever'?
Comments
Post a Comment