Being Now

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I decided recently that I like Now. Yes, Now with a capital 'N' (as opposed to now with a little 'n'). I think it's some kind of Buddhist thing, but for me it's more about sanity and patience than religion. Being in the Now is supposed to be a good thing. It means living in the moment, rather than worrying about what comes next and next and next and next. Which is what I used to do. A lot. I mentally sped through the day, always fearing that I wouldn't get everything done. I'd be doing one thing all the while ruminating about everything else I still had to do. I was constantly stressed and unable to enjoy even the most enjoyable things in my life.

Then I discovered Now. I'm still not perfect at it. From what the Zen people say, it takes years to master and I've only been at it a month or so. Still, though, my level of mastery has made a profound impact on my life. I'm running better, hitting better, reading better, and relaxing better. To say I'm relaxing at all is a huge step forward for me. Hell, as I think about it, to say I'm running and reading is also pretty big. In the past, if I couldn't multi-task my way through it, I hated it. Running, reading, and relaxation are all or nothing tasks; they don't leave room for anything else, if you're going to do them right and finish in a timely manner.

Now, rather than multi-tasking my way through anything and everything in my life, I'm focused. But not focused in a vigilant, I-gotta-get-this-done kind of way. I'm focused in a mindless, here-but-not-here kind of way. Amazingly, peace is easier; happiness is easier (and I already thought they were pretty easy). Above all, Now is easier.

And who wants to speed through life anyway? What if this is all we get? What if this ONE life is all there is? What if this moment is the only eternity we will ever experience? If all that is the case (as I see it, each side has a 50-50 chance of being right), then I need to live now, enjoy now, be now. And what if I'm erring to the wrong side? What if there is a heaven and a hell and a chance for eternal life? I'm not losing anything. I'm free to live now, enjoy now, be now regardless of what may come tomorrow or after I die. That, I think, is the measure of a good life. Did I live, enjoy, and be? Or did I spend my life waiting on what I hoped, expected, prayed would come next?

Now is all there is right now so why not be fully in that moment, this moment? What comes next will assuredly come with or without our help or stress or worry. Being in the Now for me means peace, enjoyment, and a better tennis game. Is it Zen? I really don't know for sure. I'm probably just picking and mixing like I've always done. Traditionally, I find what works for me, what brings me the most sanity, and I do that. If that means Jesus, Buddha, all of the above, or none of the above, great. I refuse to peg myself into a round hole, just as I refuse to speed my way through Now.

So, Now is pretty good. I like it. I like where I am and who I am. I like being Now. I'm not sure it's for everyone, but I am sure it's for me. At least for Now.





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