Always Hope

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There is always hope. If I want there to be. And I do. Now. I'm not sure about last week or last month or last year. All I know is today. And today I want hope.

For a change. I guess I'd gotten tired of hoping, so tired that I took a break for awhile. Not that I became hopeless because I know that I wasn't. Never have been. Apathetic? Yes. Hopeless? No. Never. It's just that sustaining hope in the face of what most people would deem 'hopeless' isn't easy. Even the most steadfast need to rest, lay down the cross.

So I did. Was it a year? Two? It might have three. Maybe more. I honestly don't know. One day it was there and the next and the next and the next it wasn't. After awhile it didn't matter anymore. Life was peaceful and often perfect, as peaceful and perfect as a life without hope can be.

Now though, today...tonight...in the darkness here, I want hope. I want it back. At least for now. Assuredly, I will grow tired again. Hope unfettered and unrequited is tiring. Apathy becomes easier and whatever hope that remains inevitably recedes.

But there is always hope. If I want there to be. Tomorrow might be the day. What day? Who knows. Just the day - the day 'It' happens. What is 'It'? If I knew, if I had all the answers, there would be no reason to hope. Some things we just can't know because knowing would change everything.

Tonight I will fall asleep thinking about hope. If I can do that, if I can have hope, anything is possible.

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