All Envy Aside
A friend told me this week that she envies my life. In all honesty, I hear that quite a bit. Usually it's from people who lack the freedom I have because they are either married, have kids, hate their job, find themselves landlocked in debt, or (e) all of the above. Most are not unhappy, per se. They just aren't as free. They see me and my carefree, easy, peaceful, happy, do-whatever-I-want-when-I-want (amid financial constraints, of course) life and wish they could have what I have. I don't doubt their envy. If I wasn't me, I'd envy me, too. Which is probably why I am who I am today. I've always envied and respected 'free' people.
Let me reassure you, as I did my friend, this life isn't for everyone. Every choice has a benefit, but it also has a cost. The cost of being free? Loneliness, no spouse/partner/girlfriend/significant other, no ready-made 'Plus 1', no 'First Call', no financial back-up, minimal connection, and lots of address changes. I don't know many who would willing choose to live such a life for longer than a weekend. Sure, it sounds like fun. Until that's all there is. Until the only thing you have is freedom.
Even for all that, I love it and I wouldn't trade it. In the cost-benefit analysis of my life, the benefits by far outweigh the costs. I get to be me. I get to make all my own decisions. I get to do what I want when I want. I get to go back to school at forty-three and plan to have a PhD by the time I'm fifty. I get to spend my disposable income on tennis, running, and books I'll never read. I get to watch 'Castle' re-runs on iTunes or Swedish films on Netflix or Sportscenter on ESPN. I get to live in Austin or move somewhere else. I get to work a whacked out retail schedule that impacts no one except me. I get to peacefully not celebrate holidays. I get a lot of things, things I might have to give up if I chose to live a different life. If I chose to live the life most live.
I'm not saying that either life is better or worse. Truly, I couldn't live the way most of my friends do and they couldn't live the way I do, no matter how much we may envy each other on occasion. I have my moments, I do, when I second guess my choices, when I think life might be better if I was a standard deviation or two closer to normal. Usually, I put myself in those shoes, walk in that green grass, and realize I could never do it for long. As a co-worker said not too long ago, 'The grass might be greener but you still have to water it'. I think it would take a lot of water for me to keep that other grass green.
So, like my friends, I choose to stay where I am. It's easier and it's me. Checking out the other side is ok. Envy is ok. There are good things happening on both sides. Maybe that's the take-away - we ought to live a little less extreme and incorporate a bit of the other side into our lives. My friends who envy my freedom might do well to find some of their own - whether that's going back to school, taking a yoga class, or creating personal financial security. I know that I've done well to find connection with others wherever I happen to be and to maintain that connection after I leave. In that regard, social networking has been priceless.
All envy aside, I love my life and I can say that honestly. I enjoy the good and deal with the occasional bad. Freedom, as they say, isn't free but it really can be fun. At least for me.
Let me reassure you, as I did my friend, this life isn't for everyone. Every choice has a benefit, but it also has a cost. The cost of being free? Loneliness, no spouse/partner/girlfriend/significant other, no ready-made 'Plus 1', no 'First Call', no financial back-up, minimal connection, and lots of address changes. I don't know many who would willing choose to live such a life for longer than a weekend. Sure, it sounds like fun. Until that's all there is. Until the only thing you have is freedom.
Even for all that, I love it and I wouldn't trade it. In the cost-benefit analysis of my life, the benefits by far outweigh the costs. I get to be me. I get to make all my own decisions. I get to do what I want when I want. I get to go back to school at forty-three and plan to have a PhD by the time I'm fifty. I get to spend my disposable income on tennis, running, and books I'll never read. I get to watch 'Castle' re-runs on iTunes or Swedish films on Netflix or Sportscenter on ESPN. I get to live in Austin or move somewhere else. I get to work a whacked out retail schedule that impacts no one except me. I get to peacefully not celebrate holidays. I get a lot of things, things I might have to give up if I chose to live a different life. If I chose to live the life most live.
I'm not saying that either life is better or worse. Truly, I couldn't live the way most of my friends do and they couldn't live the way I do, no matter how much we may envy each other on occasion. I have my moments, I do, when I second guess my choices, when I think life might be better if I was a standard deviation or two closer to normal. Usually, I put myself in those shoes, walk in that green grass, and realize I could never do it for long. As a co-worker said not too long ago, 'The grass might be greener but you still have to water it'. I think it would take a lot of water for me to keep that other grass green.
So, like my friends, I choose to stay where I am. It's easier and it's me. Checking out the other side is ok. Envy is ok. There are good things happening on both sides. Maybe that's the take-away - we ought to live a little less extreme and incorporate a bit of the other side into our lives. My friends who envy my freedom might do well to find some of their own - whether that's going back to school, taking a yoga class, or creating personal financial security. I know that I've done well to find connection with others wherever I happen to be and to maintain that connection after I leave. In that regard, social networking has been priceless.
All envy aside, I love my life and I can say that honestly. I enjoy the good and deal with the occasional bad. Freedom, as they say, isn't free but it really can be fun. At least for me.
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