So Much Is
I wonder if I'm different from most people. I have joy and I don't see much in other people. I know some have it worse than me; God knows some have it way worse than me. But still... Some have it at least as good or better. And by that I mean financial security, a hot girlfriend, a car manufactured in this decade. I'm reasonably secure, financially (though it often seems to take surgical precision) and emotionally. I do, however, lack the girlfriend and the car (the former probably contributes to my emotional stability and the latter my financial). And yet... I have joy. Lots of it.
There's drudgery - work shifts, workouts, and reading assignments that seem endless (not to mention boring), writer's block with due dates rapidly approaching, forehands that go horribly awry again and again, bills to pay, groceries to buy, laundry to do, and so on and so on. However, even with all that, I have joy. It may not be giddy excitement mingled with a fiery, all-consuming passion (been there), but it's there nonetheless. And really compared with the other end of the sadness-ecstasy spectrum, I'm good with what I've got. God knows it could be worse, a lot worse.
So, I take this life and live it. I'm constantly seeking, exploring, laughing, and divining peace. And for all that isn't, so much is. My forehand may suck, but my backhand's been ripping. I may not have the Tennis Channel, but I have re-runs of 'Castle' on iTunes. My back may be sore, but my upper body is really taking shape. The light that shines in my apartment window every night may be bright, but I have a really cool 'sound machine' on my iPhone (no this isn't an advertisement for Apple). I may hate to read, but I've been reading some great books. Wal-Mart may be playing Christmas music (ALREADY), but Christmas means winter is coming which means cooler weather which means turtleneck sweaters... at least for a few weeks. I don't have a girlfriend, but then again, I don't have a girlfriend.
The rest of the world? I can't speak for them. Maybe so many people seem joyless because their expectations are set to high. Maybe they're too ego driven. Maybe they can't see beyond the next horrible five minutes of their miserable lives. Maybe they don't have food for dinner or clean clothes or a car that works. Maybe their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, partner, etc is a complete asshole. Maybe they have reason to be joyless.
Forgive me for saying this, but I'm inclined to think that most people simply don't try. Joy is out there. For me, it's more a matter of what's going on inside me that what's going on outside of me. Sure, some circumstances are easier to overlook than others, but I don't think I'm any more blessed than anyone else. I've dated my share of assholes and recently had to replace the transmission AND radiator in my truck. I've lost jobs and friends. I've dropped my phone in the toilet. And yet, through it all, I did my best to find joy.
It may seem like I'm saying that I'm better than others. I'm not. I'm simply better able to find joy. Or maybe it's that I try. Regardless, I have joy. And that works for me.
There's drudgery - work shifts, workouts, and reading assignments that seem endless (not to mention boring), writer's block with due dates rapidly approaching, forehands that go horribly awry again and again, bills to pay, groceries to buy, laundry to do, and so on and so on. However, even with all that, I have joy. It may not be giddy excitement mingled with a fiery, all-consuming passion (been there), but it's there nonetheless. And really compared with the other end of the sadness-ecstasy spectrum, I'm good with what I've got. God knows it could be worse, a lot worse.
So, I take this life and live it. I'm constantly seeking, exploring, laughing, and divining peace. And for all that isn't, so much is. My forehand may suck, but my backhand's been ripping. I may not have the Tennis Channel, but I have re-runs of 'Castle' on iTunes. My back may be sore, but my upper body is really taking shape. The light that shines in my apartment window every night may be bright, but I have a really cool 'sound machine' on my iPhone (no this isn't an advertisement for Apple). I may hate to read, but I've been reading some great books. Wal-Mart may be playing Christmas music (ALREADY), but Christmas means winter is coming which means cooler weather which means turtleneck sweaters... at least for a few weeks. I don't have a girlfriend, but then again, I don't have a girlfriend.
The rest of the world? I can't speak for them. Maybe so many people seem joyless because their expectations are set to high. Maybe they're too ego driven. Maybe they can't see beyond the next horrible five minutes of their miserable lives. Maybe they don't have food for dinner or clean clothes or a car that works. Maybe their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, partner, etc is a complete asshole. Maybe they have reason to be joyless.
Forgive me for saying this, but I'm inclined to think that most people simply don't try. Joy is out there. For me, it's more a matter of what's going on inside me that what's going on outside of me. Sure, some circumstances are easier to overlook than others, but I don't think I'm any more blessed than anyone else. I've dated my share of assholes and recently had to replace the transmission AND radiator in my truck. I've lost jobs and friends. I've dropped my phone in the toilet. And yet, through it all, I did my best to find joy.
It may seem like I'm saying that I'm better than others. I'm not. I'm simply better able to find joy. Or maybe it's that I try. Regardless, I have joy. And that works for me.
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