A Different Kind of Tired
I usually enjoy being different. I think it's an acquired taste because I can't remember if I've always been this way. Oh, I've always been different. It's the enjoyment I'm not sure about. Being a different kid is rough. Being a different adult is easier because things are easier to hide.
Until they aren't. Then there are questions to answer, answers that apparently don't answer, and finally awkward silence.
Tonight I'm tired - tired of thinking I need to prove a point, tired of fighting, tired of carrying the weight of different, tired of being the minority. You know, I never ask anyone to take my side. I never hope to change anyone's mind (though a slight opening is always nice). I never tell anyone that their thoughts, beliefs, or feelings are wrong or invalid. I just say my piece and hope whomever's listening 'gets me' on a certain level. I'm not asking for agreement or understanding. I simply want an admission that it's ok to think what I think.
A lot of things make me different. I'm sure this is true of most people. At least I like to think that this is true of most people. It's just that most people do a better job than I do of keeping their differences behind closed doors.
I'm not always vocal, but sometimes the situation calls for it. Sometimes I have to defend my way of life and way of thinking. Other times, I can't take the dumb ass closed mindedness any longer and I'm compelled to speak out. And still other times, I'm invited to speak. Regret, on their part and mine, usually sets in pretty quick.
I'm sure some people say what they say to get attention. This is seldom if ever my motivation. I don't want to be normal, per se, but I also don't feel the need to splash everyone with my differences. And unlike some people, I actually mean what I say. I'm not joking. Why would I joke or exaggerate when I know I'm going to end up in front of a firing squad full of judgment? I've learned. This is not the path to take. Quiet is better. Unless the situation calls for it.
Tonight the situation did. I couldn't let a group of seemingly intelligent adults take aim at atheism and judge it right out of the room. I was raised by an atheist. My family was secular and completely non-spiritual. God didn't live at my house. To those raised differently, this is blasphemous. To believers, not believing in God is sinful. Why is it that so many Christian believers feel like they have to meddle with the salvation of others? Why is it that so many Christian believers feel that their way of life is at stake in such debates? Christians hold a decisive majority in this country yet they act like they're teetering on a precipice and have to continually fight to keep a proper foothold. In my way of thinking, only a group that is unsure of their position operates like that.
So yes, I had to get a few thoughts in. Even though silence soon became the best option, I'm still tired. If I could do it a different way... If I could be less different, I would be. I promise I would. If I could remain still and quiet and let things lie, I would. But there are times when I just can't. Because the status quo often sucks and it only takes one opened mind to change the world, I have to try at least a little.
It's unfortunate that occasionally, like tonight, different can be a real drag. And damn tiring.
Until they aren't. Then there are questions to answer, answers that apparently don't answer, and finally awkward silence.
Tonight I'm tired - tired of thinking I need to prove a point, tired of fighting, tired of carrying the weight of different, tired of being the minority. You know, I never ask anyone to take my side. I never hope to change anyone's mind (though a slight opening is always nice). I never tell anyone that their thoughts, beliefs, or feelings are wrong or invalid. I just say my piece and hope whomever's listening 'gets me' on a certain level. I'm not asking for agreement or understanding. I simply want an admission that it's ok to think what I think.
A lot of things make me different. I'm sure this is true of most people. At least I like to think that this is true of most people. It's just that most people do a better job than I do of keeping their differences behind closed doors.
I'm not always vocal, but sometimes the situation calls for it. Sometimes I have to defend my way of life and way of thinking. Other times, I can't take the dumb ass closed mindedness any longer and I'm compelled to speak out. And still other times, I'm invited to speak. Regret, on their part and mine, usually sets in pretty quick.
I'm sure some people say what they say to get attention. This is seldom if ever my motivation. I don't want to be normal, per se, but I also don't feel the need to splash everyone with my differences. And unlike some people, I actually mean what I say. I'm not joking. Why would I joke or exaggerate when I know I'm going to end up in front of a firing squad full of judgment? I've learned. This is not the path to take. Quiet is better. Unless the situation calls for it.
Tonight the situation did. I couldn't let a group of seemingly intelligent adults take aim at atheism and judge it right out of the room. I was raised by an atheist. My family was secular and completely non-spiritual. God didn't live at my house. To those raised differently, this is blasphemous. To believers, not believing in God is sinful. Why is it that so many Christian believers feel like they have to meddle with the salvation of others? Why is it that so many Christian believers feel that their way of life is at stake in such debates? Christians hold a decisive majority in this country yet they act like they're teetering on a precipice and have to continually fight to keep a proper foothold. In my way of thinking, only a group that is unsure of their position operates like that.
So yes, I had to get a few thoughts in. Even though silence soon became the best option, I'm still tired. If I could do it a different way... If I could be less different, I would be. I promise I would. If I could remain still and quiet and let things lie, I would. But there are times when I just can't. Because the status quo often sucks and it only takes one opened mind to change the world, I have to try at least a little.
It's unfortunate that occasionally, like tonight, different can be a real drag. And damn tiring.
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