Sincerely, Ugh: My Descent into 1984

-

Nothing motivates me to write more than reading. I don't mean that I'm excited to write because it'll give people something to read. No. Hell, no. What I mean is that nothing motivates me to write more than the words, 'It was a bright cold April day, and the clocks were striking thirteen'. Ugh. Sincerely, ugh. Recognize the line? It opens George Orwell's "1984" and marks the beginning of my descent into Hell.

I vowed long ago, about the time I finished reading the Cliff's Notes to Orwell's "Animal Farm", that I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER read anything by George Orwell ever again. On the top of that never-ever-ever list? "1984". And here we are, something like twenty-eight years later and a worn paperback copy of "1984" lies open next to me. What page am I on? Three. Thus far, I'm not impressed. I'm also wondering if they still make Cliff's Notes.

I read two books in high school - "Great Expectations" and "The Great Gatsby". Others were assuredly required, but I simply chose not to torture myself with them. I had other things to do and the local bookstore sold these really cool Readers' Digest Condensed versions of all the classics. Not only did these little yellow books synopsize the story, but they also included analysis guaranteed to impress most high school teachers. Without Cliff and his Notes I might not have passed high school English, the lit classes anyway.

I loved to read back then, just not the classics required by my high school English Department. 'Classics' by and large equated to boredom (FYI, they still do). The language was usually funky and archaic and the story lines were out of touch with modern reality (FYI, they still are). I could get into almost any other book. I loved historical fiction, historical non-fiction, biographies, crime novels, etc. Anything written in the last decade. And anything I didn't have to analyze the significance of. Seriously, why did the wind blow? Fuck me... Who knows? And moreover, who cares? Certainly not me.

Not then and not now. Compounding my issues this go-round? I really don't like to read. At all. Nothing. Not historical fiction, historical non-fiction, biographies, crime novels, etc. Nothing. Ask me to read and analyze? That's Hell my friends, a blazing fiery, all-encompassing, wordy Hell.

So, here I am one week into grad school and staring down "1984". God bless America. Let us all pray that the next 309 pages (yes, I looked) are better than the first three. And if they are not, let us pray that Wikipedia has it's own version of Cliff's Notes. And if it does, let us pray that my professor hasn't read it. Or this, for that matter.

Almost time for tennis. Nothing motivates me to play tennis more than reading. But that's a blog for another day.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Biggest Fan

-
It comes for all of us. If we're lucky. Right now, I'm not sure I feel lucky, but I know in the days, weeks, months, and years to come, I will come to realize that I am. Or I was. My parents are elderly, eighty-four and ninety-two. From where I'm sitting at the moment - my mother's hospital room - it's doubtful that my mom will reach tomorrow, much less eighty-five, So here I sit. And write...while  my biggest fan lays a few feet away snoring like a freight train. Her snores mean she's still alive so rather than drowning them out with music, I listen, Intently. Because each one could be her last. It's the drugs - her pain was pretty severe - making her sleep so soundly. These same drugs, the ones that keep the pain at bay, may also hasten her death. Her decision. She's been kicking cancer's a** for the past seven years. My mom's no sissy; she can endure. But this isn't the cancer, the known quantity. This is an aneurysm, a ticking time bomb...
Read more

Ironic, Actually

-
A couple days ago, I posted my first ever vlog. It was  just me reading an old blog from December 2018 called, "Courage, Actually." I chose it specifically because it's about accepting life's challenge and fearlessly stepping outside your comfort zone. Making and posting a video of myself was a big step outside my personal comfort zone - in fact, I have long said it's something I would never do - so I felt the topic was timely and appropriate. Reception of the vlog among my Facebook friends and followers was immediately positive. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Courage for the win. I worry, though, that I have falsely painted myself as some courageous-comfort-zone-and-fear-defying crusader. In reality, that's just not me. Not these days...and I think it's time for me to come clean. It's kind of ironic, actually. And hard for me to admit. This might be the barest I have stripped myself in a long time. For the past few months, I have been mired in ...
Read more

Be That Person

-
 A friend texted me last night. Her almost twelve year old son is starting middle school today and she was more than a little stressed. I guess it's somewhat normal for parents to be nervous about such milestones in their children's lives. I mean sixth grade means a bigger school, perhaps switching classrooms, more complex homework assignments, etc, etc. I'm sure there's also some wistfulness about the whole thing. The "My baby's growing up" kinda thing. My friend's concerns last night (and again this morning) were far larger. You see, her son is different. He always has been. Not only is he on "the spectrum," he also has Tourettte's. And he's on the fringes of non-binary. Plus, he lives on the border of Texas and Arkansas in a place that is far from open-minded and falls just below marginally accepting. This is the land of conservative politics (ie Trump), gun rights, big religion, and the concomitant "family values" that i...
Read more