The Fuck-Nut Magnet
I appreciated the condolences from friends this evening, but they were far from necessary. I've been down this road before and, if I'm being honest, I'm used to it. I hesitate to say that I expect it because I like to think I'm a little more positive than that. Still I consider it a crap shoot at best. I'm magnetic to fuck-nuts. What can I say?
I asked a girl out earlier this week and she said yes. We texted a bit the next day and she even called me the day after that. Then she disappeared. The following day I texted twice with random crap like I'm fond of doing. No response. When I tried to confirm tonight's date yesterday afternoon and again got no response, I began to see the writing on the wall. By this afternoon, my 'what's up?' was merely a token gesture and her absolute last chance to reconsider blowing me off. Her non-response didn't shock me. By that point, I'd already made other plans with myself and had more or less written her off.
It's frustrating to say the least, but I'm getting better at explaining it. Once upon a time, a girl I was 'dating' (I use that term loosely, mostly so my mom doesn't freak out) said that she felt like she always had to bring her A Game when interacting with me. It's not that I was demanding or insisted upon a certain standard of behavior; it's just that I was intimidating as fuck and she worried about measuring up. Assuredly all that bullshit was on her, but it was still disconcerting for me to hear. I've never expected or wanted anyone's A Game.
I still don't. I would love, love, love to find a woman who had the confidence to simply be herself. Hell, who am I kidding? I'd just like to find a woman willing to show up. She can bring her D Game for all I care. I'm not exactly in a position to be picky at this point.
So, what about my latest fuck-nut? I'm sure she'll have an incredibly 'valid' reason for her lack of communication. There's the proverbial 'sister in the hospital' (apparently that particular hospital is out of cell phone range) or 'I lost my phone' (I've never seen her separated from her phone so I'm skeptical about that one) excuses. Of course it's possible all her fingers were cut off in some heinous industrial accident leaving her unable to text or look up my number in her phone to actually call me (I'd have heard about this through the company grapevine). Wait! I'll bet she threw her phone out the car window in a fit of rage at her ex-husband. That did happen one time (Seriously, I'm a fuck-nut magnet for real). I doubt that's the case in this case. She doesn't have an ex-husband (that I know of), but then again she might be prone to fits of rage.
Ugh... She could have brought her X, Y, or Z game and I would have been perfectly happy. A No-Call-No-Show constitutes NO GAME. Where in the Hell do I find these women? And why do I ask them out? I guess it speaks to my open-mindedness. I try to see something good in everyone. This apparently includes the fuck-nuts that magnetically appear in my life. Oy.
I've determined that the common denominator in all this (besides me, of course) is a decisive lack of interpersonal courage. It's simple really and I don't ask for much. Tell the truth. Communicate at any risk. Say something. Say anything. Don't start what you're not prepared to finish. I understand that things come up, but not repeatedly and certainly not two out of three times. I can accept a bullshit excuse one time and one time only. After that, all bets are off and I go with my D Game. Capital D. As in DONE.
Done is easy these days. I refuse to beg or whine. I know what's what and what is never going to be. Tonight was her choice and her choice alone. Next time maybe she'll tape her fingers back on and call. Of course, she won't be calling me. Why not? Because I'm done.
I asked a girl out earlier this week and she said yes. We texted a bit the next day and she even called me the day after that. Then she disappeared. The following day I texted twice with random crap like I'm fond of doing. No response. When I tried to confirm tonight's date yesterday afternoon and again got no response, I began to see the writing on the wall. By this afternoon, my 'what's up?' was merely a token gesture and her absolute last chance to reconsider blowing me off. Her non-response didn't shock me. By that point, I'd already made other plans with myself and had more or less written her off.
It's frustrating to say the least, but I'm getting better at explaining it. Once upon a time, a girl I was 'dating' (I use that term loosely, mostly so my mom doesn't freak out) said that she felt like she always had to bring her A Game when interacting with me. It's not that I was demanding or insisted upon a certain standard of behavior; it's just that I was intimidating as fuck and she worried about measuring up. Assuredly all that bullshit was on her, but it was still disconcerting for me to hear. I've never expected or wanted anyone's A Game.
I still don't. I would love, love, love to find a woman who had the confidence to simply be herself. Hell, who am I kidding? I'd just like to find a woman willing to show up. She can bring her D Game for all I care. I'm not exactly in a position to be picky at this point.
So, what about my latest fuck-nut? I'm sure she'll have an incredibly 'valid' reason for her lack of communication. There's the proverbial 'sister in the hospital' (apparently that particular hospital is out of cell phone range) or 'I lost my phone' (I've never seen her separated from her phone so I'm skeptical about that one) excuses. Of course it's possible all her fingers were cut off in some heinous industrial accident leaving her unable to text or look up my number in her phone to actually call me (I'd have heard about this through the company grapevine). Wait! I'll bet she threw her phone out the car window in a fit of rage at her ex-husband. That did happen one time (Seriously, I'm a fuck-nut magnet for real). I doubt that's the case in this case. She doesn't have an ex-husband (that I know of), but then again she might be prone to fits of rage.
Ugh... She could have brought her X, Y, or Z game and I would have been perfectly happy. A No-Call-No-Show constitutes NO GAME. Where in the Hell do I find these women? And why do I ask them out? I guess it speaks to my open-mindedness. I try to see something good in everyone. This apparently includes the fuck-nuts that magnetically appear in my life. Oy.
I've determined that the common denominator in all this (besides me, of course) is a decisive lack of interpersonal courage. It's simple really and I don't ask for much. Tell the truth. Communicate at any risk. Say something. Say anything. Don't start what you're not prepared to finish. I understand that things come up, but not repeatedly and certainly not two out of three times. I can accept a bullshit excuse one time and one time only. After that, all bets are off and I go with my D Game. Capital D. As in DONE.
Done is easy these days. I refuse to beg or whine. I know what's what and what is never going to be. Tonight was her choice and her choice alone. Next time maybe she'll tape her fingers back on and call. Of course, she won't be calling me. Why not? Because I'm done.
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