Avoiding the O-Fer
Well, it's December and I have slightly less than one month to avoid the O-fer. Today is officially the second so I have twenty-nine days left to make a few changes to my year. I'm not talking about finally coming through with the New Year's Resolution. Nope. I did that and quite successfully I might add. I cut way back on Aspartame, the killer diet sweetener that had me losing my mind. I'm allowed one diet beverage (usually Diet Coke) a day which I manage to do 90% of the time. So, what do I have left to do this year? What O-fers am I trying to avoid? Simple. Tattoos and sex.
I've written quite a bit about tattoos and sex over the years. However, if we read back over 2011, we will see that I haven't written much about either. I feel that this is mostly because I haven't done either. In fact, I haven't gotten a new tattoo since early 2009, so last year was also an O-fer also. I planned to rectify that situation many times, but never seemed to get around to it. I wasn't sure what I wanted, then when I was sure, I didn't have the money. I don't exactly have the money right now either, but I really, really want to avoid another O-fer. I've gotten a tattoo every year since 2006. Well, except last year. I didn't start out trying to get a tat every year; it just kind of worked out that way. Now, though, it's turning into a thing for me. I want to get a tattoo every year. I have twenty-nine days left in 2011 and I know what I want. Money, as always, is an issue. Tattoos are more expensive here in Austin. Plus I don't have an artist like I did in Texarkana. Not that my little tats need an 'artist', but still...
Unlike tattoos, Austin has been good to me sexually. 2009 and 2010 were good years. I might even be willing to argue that they were great years. Especially when compared to this year. Ok... A little back story. Last Christmas was the first Christmas I ever spent as a Christian. It was also the last time I had sex (yes... I spent my first Christmas as a Christian having lesbian sex). Thankfully, my God is far from vengeful and hard line Christian, so I'm not too worried about my salvation. Of course, nearly a year into this dry spell, I'm beginning to wonder about His sense of humor. Really, God? A sex-free year because I spent Jesus's Amercanized birthday having sex? Funny, but I think we can end the joke now. While I still have twenty-nine days left to kill the O-fer.
Given that last statement, I don't think I'll be sleeping with any of my blog readers before the end of the year. 'Hell no, Stacee. You don't care about me. You care about avoiding the O-fer'. Well, duh. When did 'care' become a pre-req for sex? Shit. It could have happened in 2011 for all the hell I know. Maybe that's why I haven't had sex this year. Maybe the clinical, rather than emotional, view of sex went out in 2010. God knows I'm not a whore (except apparently on my first Christian Christmas), but I'm not a fan of 'caring' sex either. Add some kind of 'meaning' and it tends to get messy and needy and someone invariably falls in and/or out of love. Oy. Simply, oy. Why can't sex just be sex?
This is why I generally like straight and bisexual women. Sex for them is usually just sex. When they're having it with another woman. Remember my caveat? They don't want a girlfriend any more than I do. Well, damn... I think I've gotten off on a tangent. Look, the fact is, if I'd wanted a tattoo or sex bad enough in the first eleven months of 2011, I could have found them. Now, I have twenty-nine days to want to avoid the O-fer bad enough to find them. I'm not competitive, but I feel pretty motivated right now. On your mark, get set... GO!
I've written quite a bit about tattoos and sex over the years. However, if we read back over 2011, we will see that I haven't written much about either. I feel that this is mostly because I haven't done either. In fact, I haven't gotten a new tattoo since early 2009, so last year was also an O-fer also. I planned to rectify that situation many times, but never seemed to get around to it. I wasn't sure what I wanted, then when I was sure, I didn't have the money. I don't exactly have the money right now either, but I really, really want to avoid another O-fer. I've gotten a tattoo every year since 2006. Well, except last year. I didn't start out trying to get a tat every year; it just kind of worked out that way. Now, though, it's turning into a thing for me. I want to get a tattoo every year. I have twenty-nine days left in 2011 and I know what I want. Money, as always, is an issue. Tattoos are more expensive here in Austin. Plus I don't have an artist like I did in Texarkana. Not that my little tats need an 'artist', but still...
Unlike tattoos, Austin has been good to me sexually. 2009 and 2010 were good years. I might even be willing to argue that they were great years. Especially when compared to this year. Ok... A little back story. Last Christmas was the first Christmas I ever spent as a Christian. It was also the last time I had sex (yes... I spent my first Christmas as a Christian having lesbian sex). Thankfully, my God is far from vengeful and hard line Christian, so I'm not too worried about my salvation. Of course, nearly a year into this dry spell, I'm beginning to wonder about His sense of humor. Really, God? A sex-free year because I spent Jesus's Amercanized birthday having sex? Funny, but I think we can end the joke now. While I still have twenty-nine days left to kill the O-fer.
Given that last statement, I don't think I'll be sleeping with any of my blog readers before the end of the year. 'Hell no, Stacee. You don't care about me. You care about avoiding the O-fer'. Well, duh. When did 'care' become a pre-req for sex? Shit. It could have happened in 2011 for all the hell I know. Maybe that's why I haven't had sex this year. Maybe the clinical, rather than emotional, view of sex went out in 2010. God knows I'm not a whore (except apparently on my first Christian Christmas), but I'm not a fan of 'caring' sex either. Add some kind of 'meaning' and it tends to get messy and needy and someone invariably falls in and/or out of love. Oy. Simply, oy. Why can't sex just be sex?
This is why I generally like straight and bisexual women. Sex for them is usually just sex. When they're having it with another woman. Remember my caveat? They don't want a girlfriend any more than I do. Well, damn... I think I've gotten off on a tangent. Look, the fact is, if I'd wanted a tattoo or sex bad enough in the first eleven months of 2011, I could have found them. Now, I have twenty-nine days to want to avoid the O-fer bad enough to find them. I'm not competitive, but I feel pretty motivated right now. On your mark, get set... GO!
Comments
Post a Comment