Doing the Math
Because I seem to be surrounded by a new group of people who steadfastly believe that I'm either rationalizing or kidding myself about my enjoyment of being single, I'm going to explain all this one more time. I'm not like other people. Let's just start there. I dated only slightly in high school, never in college, and reverted to 'only slightly' in grad school. It took me three years after coming out to get a date.
This means that HISTORICALLY I'm single and apparently pretty good with it. I like to believe I could have dated at any point in my life if I'd wanted to date (if I'm rationalizing anything, it's probably this fact) and I've simply chosen not to. I can take this a step farther and say that at any point in my life I could have been in a relationship if I'd wanted to be in one and I've simply chosen not to. This is where I am right now today. I suppose I could date or commit (Lord, don't make me), I just don't want to.
I think this will all be easier to understand after we do some basic math. First, an assumption - Most kids, with parents like mine, start dating at sixteen; a fact - I am currently forty-two and a half; and a couple ground rules - (1) For the purposes of this exercise, we are considering only the times that I've thought of myself as someone's 'girlfriend', ie. reasonably committed, not just 'seeing' or 'sleeping with' and (2) Because I never 'name names', I will be using only initials.
Ok, here we go...
42.5 - 16 = 26.5 (years of dating eligibility).
High school - I 'dated' a sum total of two boys for a sum total of maybe a month. I never once listed myself as a girlfriend. That's an 0'fer.
College - Nothing I'd call a 'date'. Zero. None. Nada. Zilch. Also an 0'fer.
Grad School - I 'dated' once for maybe two weeks. Another 0'fer.
Fast forward to age 30 (this is where it gets more interesting) -
68.25 / 12 (months in a year) = 5.68 (number of 'years' I've spent in relationships).
So, of my 26.5 years of dating eligibility, I have been single 20.82 years.
{Remember I'm only counting 'girlfriend' situations. Assuredly there have been, let's just call them, 'others'. We just were never 'committed' or 'exclusively dating'. We just did what we did and moved on}
It should be obvious to most readers why I'm not into relationships. Most people my age have my numbers reversed. They dated twnety years and been single for six. Like I said at the outset, I'm different. I don't live my life like most people. I've seldom had anyone in my life so I don't need anyone in my life. It's a delightful vicious circle that works to my advantage. Most people's vicious circles work in reverse, but are equally advantageous for them.
Of course, my vicious circle doesn't come with worry, baggage, stress, jealousy, obsession, or hatred. My struggles in life are exclusive to my job, my home, my car, and my health. Most people have all those issues AND relationship bullshit. I think I come out ahead on this one.
In conclusion, why am I happily single? All together now - Because I'm used to it and because of that I'm able to be alone. Honestly, I wouldn't have a clue how to be in a relationship and thankfully I don't feel the need to try. I'm perfectly good as is - alone, but not lonely, and happily single. I'm not kidding myself or rationalizing anything. Period.
This means that HISTORICALLY I'm single and apparently pretty good with it. I like to believe I could have dated at any point in my life if I'd wanted to date (if I'm rationalizing anything, it's probably this fact) and I've simply chosen not to. I can take this a step farther and say that at any point in my life I could have been in a relationship if I'd wanted to be in one and I've simply chosen not to. This is where I am right now today. I suppose I could date or commit (Lord, don't make me), I just don't want to.
I think this will all be easier to understand after we do some basic math. First, an assumption - Most kids, with parents like mine, start dating at sixteen; a fact - I am currently forty-two and a half; and a couple ground rules - (1) For the purposes of this exercise, we are considering only the times that I've thought of myself as someone's 'girlfriend', ie. reasonably committed, not just 'seeing' or 'sleeping with' and (2) Because I never 'name names', I will be using only initials.
Ok, here we go...
42.5 - 16 = 26.5 (years of dating eligibility).
High school - I 'dated' a sum total of two boys for a sum total of maybe a month. I never once listed myself as a girlfriend. That's an 0'fer.
College - Nothing I'd call a 'date'. Zero. None. Nada. Zilch. Also an 0'fer.
Grad School - I 'dated' once for maybe two weeks. Another 0'fer.
Fast forward to age 30 (this is where it gets more interesting) -
- JS - 2 years, one month, and one day (only the fucked up symmetry allows me to remember that exactly).
- HB - 6 months at the most
- BB - 1 month and that's a stretch
- JM - 8 months
- MG - 10 months
- AF - 8 months
- CD - 2 months
- LC - 3 months
- CB - 2 months
- LN - 1 week
- KI - 1 month
- SG - 3 months (ish)
68.25 / 12 (months in a year) = 5.68 (number of 'years' I've spent in relationships).
So, of my 26.5 years of dating eligibility, I have been single 20.82 years.
{Remember I'm only counting 'girlfriend' situations. Assuredly there have been, let's just call them, 'others'. We just were never 'committed' or 'exclusively dating'. We just did what we did and moved on}
It should be obvious to most readers why I'm not into relationships. Most people my age have my numbers reversed. They dated twnety years and been single for six. Like I said at the outset, I'm different. I don't live my life like most people. I've seldom had anyone in my life so I don't need anyone in my life. It's a delightful vicious circle that works to my advantage. Most people's vicious circles work in reverse, but are equally advantageous for them.
Of course, my vicious circle doesn't come with worry, baggage, stress, jealousy, obsession, or hatred. My struggles in life are exclusive to my job, my home, my car, and my health. Most people have all those issues AND relationship bullshit. I think I come out ahead on this one.
In conclusion, why am I happily single? All together now - Because I'm used to it and because of that I'm able to be alone. Honestly, I wouldn't have a clue how to be in a relationship and thankfully I don't feel the need to try. I'm perfectly good as is - alone, but not lonely, and happily single. I'm not kidding myself or rationalizing anything. Period.
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