The Terminal
If I had to get stuck someplace, Bergen, Norway, would be ok. It's not perfect - I mean it's Norway, not Sweden - but I could settle here. Put down roots perhaps. Roots. Now there's a word I've seldom said. God knows I've never said it about Austin or Texarkana or Muskegon or Manhattan or LA or San Diego. I've been in a constant state of coming and going my entire adulthood. I move for one reason or another and can't wait to leave the moment I get there. Sure, I stay. I'm monogamous that way, I suppose. It's not like I flit about the country. I always plan to stay, hope I fall in love (with the place). Sort of.
Eventually, though, I just don't. I get a wild-ish hair or a moment of sanity and I move on. This summer I will have been in Austin nine years. That's about my tipping point. I left Muskegon after eight and a half years and I was in Texarkana not quite eight. Funny, I've disliked Austin more than both of those combined...and yet there I stay.
I like to say I'm waiting for my old dog to die. Most people think that's a euphemism for something. It's not. I have a nearly 15 year old husky-greyhound mix that doesn't need to be put through a cross country move. What do I mean? Cross country? For one, I'm not going to stay in Texas. Or the South. Fuck the heat. Just fuck it. Fuck it all, all seven months of it. And the y'alls and the fixin's, the conservative politics, the free-range Christianity. I've tried it and I lived to tell, but just barely. It's time to go somewhere else - somewhere with actual seasons, a few more dems, and a lot more non-believers.
But I live in Austin! It's the greatest city in Texas, maybe even in the whole country! I don't dispute that most people love it. It's atypical of Texas and the South, and, if you have money (and heat tolerance), it could be a great place to live. And look, if I liked it, the high rent prices would be a small price to pay. Thing is, I don't like it so the exorbitant cost of living grates.
So when I my dog finally kicks and my lease ends, I'm out. I hate to sound crass or unfeeling or disconnected, but I'm actually kind all of the above. I have friends, a job I like, dog sitting clients, a tennis team, and a good living situation, but let me tell you, none of that is enough to hold me.
So, where to? Obviously, if I lost my passport or was suddenly was unable to leave Norway, I'd happily stay in Bergen. It's pretty, has a vibrant running community (I've yet to see a tennis court, though), a fascinating history, and changing seasons. It's also big enough to get lost in, but small enough to be found. I'd probably still dream of a life in Sweden, though. I like Norway; it's a lot like Sweden - a social welfare state with a muted religious presence and equality pretty much across the board - however... There's a however. Most people won't buy a feeling, but that's what it is. Sue me, disagree with me, call bullshit. I don't care. I know what I feel. You - plain and simple - don't have to.
Let me put it another way. Some people don't understand why I love women (I honestly question that wisdom myself on occasion) or why I choose to be gay (And, yes, I do believe, for me, it's a choice). At some point in my life, I just knew that I would never feel about men the way I feel about women. As aggravating as they are, they are even more intoxicating. Back to Sweden vs Norway... I will never feel about Norway the way I feel about Sweden.
And it's nothing I can debate or put in to words. The more places I go, the more I prove my point. I've liked everywhere I've gone. Copenhagen. Oslo, Bergen. Olympia, Las Vegas, Minneapolis, a bunch of places in between. Liked them. I love Sweden. Love it. Nearly my entire life, something always drew me there and now having been there three times, I know why.
Yeah, if I had to get stuck someplace, I'd like it to be somewhere in Sweden. Somewhere just a train or bus ride way from Stockholm, my soulmate, or Gothenburg, my best friend. I know I'd be trading seven months of summer in Austin for seven months of winter and that it'd be dark, really dark, during much of that long winter. And I'd pay high taxes and have a cost of living that rivaled or exceeded Austin. I know all of this and I don't care.
Sure, it may be that I'm whistling the same tune all over again, just in Swedish this time. Maybe I'd get there, find myself discontented, and leave. Maybe it would be no different than Austin, Texarkana, or Muskegon. I dunno. For now, though, Live in Sweden is on my short list. If I ever sell a book and can live anywhere in the world, it's where I'll go. Straight away. I'll pack what I can carry, ship a box of books, and be gone. No two week's notice, no goodbyes, no going away parties. Just a big plane turning east from Austin-Bergstrom.
Realistically, I'll end up in Olympia, Washington, or thereabouts long before Sweden. And I'm ok with that.
Eventually, though, I just don't. I get a wild-ish hair or a moment of sanity and I move on. This summer I will have been in Austin nine years. That's about my tipping point. I left Muskegon after eight and a half years and I was in Texarkana not quite eight. Funny, I've disliked Austin more than both of those combined...and yet there I stay.
I like to say I'm waiting for my old dog to die. Most people think that's a euphemism for something. It's not. I have a nearly 15 year old husky-greyhound mix that doesn't need to be put through a cross country move. What do I mean? Cross country? For one, I'm not going to stay in Texas. Or the South. Fuck the heat. Just fuck it. Fuck it all, all seven months of it. And the y'alls and the fixin's, the conservative politics, the free-range Christianity. I've tried it and I lived to tell, but just barely. It's time to go somewhere else - somewhere with actual seasons, a few more dems, and a lot more non-believers.
But I live in Austin! It's the greatest city in Texas, maybe even in the whole country! I don't dispute that most people love it. It's atypical of Texas and the South, and, if you have money (and heat tolerance), it could be a great place to live. And look, if I liked it, the high rent prices would be a small price to pay. Thing is, I don't like it so the exorbitant cost of living grates.
So when I my dog finally kicks and my lease ends, I'm out. I hate to sound crass or unfeeling or disconnected, but I'm actually kind all of the above. I have friends, a job I like, dog sitting clients, a tennis team, and a good living situation, but let me tell you, none of that is enough to hold me.
So, where to? Obviously, if I lost my passport or was suddenly was unable to leave Norway, I'd happily stay in Bergen. It's pretty, has a vibrant running community (I've yet to see a tennis court, though), a fascinating history, and changing seasons. It's also big enough to get lost in, but small enough to be found. I'd probably still dream of a life in Sweden, though. I like Norway; it's a lot like Sweden - a social welfare state with a muted religious presence and equality pretty much across the board - however... There's a however. Most people won't buy a feeling, but that's what it is. Sue me, disagree with me, call bullshit. I don't care. I know what I feel. You - plain and simple - don't have to.
Let me put it another way. Some people don't understand why I love women (I honestly question that wisdom myself on occasion) or why I choose to be gay (And, yes, I do believe, for me, it's a choice). At some point in my life, I just knew that I would never feel about men the way I feel about women. As aggravating as they are, they are even more intoxicating. Back to Sweden vs Norway... I will never feel about Norway the way I feel about Sweden.
And it's nothing I can debate or put in to words. The more places I go, the more I prove my point. I've liked everywhere I've gone. Copenhagen. Oslo, Bergen. Olympia, Las Vegas, Minneapolis, a bunch of places in between. Liked them. I love Sweden. Love it. Nearly my entire life, something always drew me there and now having been there three times, I know why.
Yeah, if I had to get stuck someplace, I'd like it to be somewhere in Sweden. Somewhere just a train or bus ride way from Stockholm, my soulmate, or Gothenburg, my best friend. I know I'd be trading seven months of summer in Austin for seven months of winter and that it'd be dark, really dark, during much of that long winter. And I'd pay high taxes and have a cost of living that rivaled or exceeded Austin. I know all of this and I don't care.
Sure, it may be that I'm whistling the same tune all over again, just in Swedish this time. Maybe I'd get there, find myself discontented, and leave. Maybe it would be no different than Austin, Texarkana, or Muskegon. I dunno. For now, though, Live in Sweden is on my short list. If I ever sell a book and can live anywhere in the world, it's where I'll go. Straight away. I'll pack what I can carry, ship a box of books, and be gone. No two week's notice, no goodbyes, no going away parties. Just a big plane turning east from Austin-Bergstrom.
Realistically, I'll end up in Olympia, Washington, or thereabouts long before Sweden. And I'm ok with that.
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