Everyone Speaks F****** English
The last time I was in Scandinavia, I bought a soccer jersey when I was in Denmark. Turns out it's been an eye opening (and eye rolling) reminder of the idiocy of many seemingly intelligent Americans. Ok, maybe it's because I know where I bought the damn thing. Or maybe it's my interest in history and travel or my liberal arts education that make certain things self-evident. Like Danmark. It's written across the front of the soccer jersey I bought in Denmark. I promise you - each and every time I wear it someone (sometimes the its the same person) asks me what Danmark is. Even when I explain, they still look at me incredulously. Hello....................The people of Denmark are called Danes and speak Danish for a really, really good reason. They live in Danmark. It's just the English speaking world that calls the little peninsular country, attached to Germany and across the Kattegat from Sweden, "Denmark". And it's just Americans who don't quite get it. Because whatever we do is the right way - the only way - to do things.
My fellow Americans, it's called an Exonym (Exo as in exit or outa here and nym meaning name), a name used by foreigners to refer to a place. Which is in direct contrast to an Endonym (Endo as in entrance or inside and nym meaning name). We call Danmark Denmark; Danes call Denmark Danmark. Need another example? We call it Sweden; Swedes call it Sverige. Or maybe one most have heard of - Deutschland. It's Germany to a German. Just because we call a country (or city for that matter) something doesn't mean it's universal.
I know, I know... Our Ameri-centrism makes that difficult to understand. Maybe it's because we sit all the way across the "pond". Or maybe it's because we are so damn proudly monolingual. If I had a dollar for every pissed off customer who bitched about the bilingual signage at The World's Largest Home Improvement Retailer. Good God, folks. What's wrong with helping our Spanish speaking customers? What's wrong with having more than one official (or unofficial) language? Are we suddenly going to become less of world power (Don't look now...) or less American? Most countries, including our awesome neighbors to the North, value fluency in more than one language. And EVERYONE SPEAKS FUCKING ENGLISH. It's the world's universal language. Traveling in Germany and meet a Spaniard? Chances are you'll find common ground in English. So hello, America, we are in no danger of losing our language. We are, however, in danger of looking like complete assholes.
Let me tell you, if not for the bilingual (and occasionally multi-lingual) signage in the countries I've visited, I'd still be looking for a bathroom at the Amsterdam airport. And I was there a year ago in March 2017. I hate that I rely on it, but I do. I am sadly, typically American. And I feel so behind the game. I haven't met anyone in my travels who doesn't speak at least rudimentary English. That includes school children, the guy behind the counter at the convenience store, and the homeless lady asking for spare change. How did I put it earlier? EVERYONE SPEAKS FUCKING ENGLISH. Plus their own language. And goodness knows how many more. And here I sit embarrassingly American and woefully monolingual.
We think we are so high and mighty. I've got news, America. The world knows the truth, an ever-growing ugly truth. We aren't what we used be nor are we what we pretend to be. Do the math - it's been more than seventy years since we've "saved the world". Increasingly, America is that guy who hasn't left his little hometown, who sits drinking at the local bar on Friday and Saturday nights telling the same stories over and over about the glory days when he quarterbacked the football team to a state championship. He's a laughing stock but no one tells him to his face. It's time to hang up the cleats and move on, America...er...I mean Bobby Jack. What once was will never be again. And you just look stupid.
We are no longer the best in the world at much and we need to acknowledge that (I can't tell you how many people - in America - were shocked we didn't win more medals than Norway in the recent Winter Olympics. Seriously. Norwegians are born on skis and we think we should beat them at anything involving snow?). In the meantime while we persist in our delusions, the world passes us by. And that's why I love to travel. If I stayed in America, I'd be prone to believe our own bullshit. When I step out into the world, I see things as they really are. I know, I know... I've just pissed off a good majority of my American readers (and since 99% of my readers are American...). Arguably, there are countries in the world worse off than America. I get that. It's just that many of them are developing nations that don't puff out their chests and brag about their greatness.
Ok, ok... Before someone from the embassy comes to confiscate my passport, I'm going to close this one out. Hej da fran Sverige!
*** Yes, I'm thankful I still can enjoy my First Amendment right to freedom of speech. ***
My fellow Americans, it's called an Exonym (Exo as in exit or outa here and nym meaning name), a name used by foreigners to refer to a place. Which is in direct contrast to an Endonym (Endo as in entrance or inside and nym meaning name). We call Danmark Denmark; Danes call Denmark Danmark. Need another example? We call it Sweden; Swedes call it Sverige. Or maybe one most have heard of - Deutschland. It's Germany to a German. Just because we call a country (or city for that matter) something doesn't mean it's universal.
I know, I know... Our Ameri-centrism makes that difficult to understand. Maybe it's because we sit all the way across the "pond". Or maybe it's because we are so damn proudly monolingual. If I had a dollar for every pissed off customer who bitched about the bilingual signage at The World's Largest Home Improvement Retailer. Good God, folks. What's wrong with helping our Spanish speaking customers? What's wrong with having more than one official (or unofficial) language? Are we suddenly going to become less of world power (Don't look now...) or less American? Most countries, including our awesome neighbors to the North, value fluency in more than one language. And EVERYONE SPEAKS FUCKING ENGLISH. It's the world's universal language. Traveling in Germany and meet a Spaniard? Chances are you'll find common ground in English. So hello, America, we are in no danger of losing our language. We are, however, in danger of looking like complete assholes.
Let me tell you, if not for the bilingual (and occasionally multi-lingual) signage in the countries I've visited, I'd still be looking for a bathroom at the Amsterdam airport. And I was there a year ago in March 2017. I hate that I rely on it, but I do. I am sadly, typically American. And I feel so behind the game. I haven't met anyone in my travels who doesn't speak at least rudimentary English. That includes school children, the guy behind the counter at the convenience store, and the homeless lady asking for spare change. How did I put it earlier? EVERYONE SPEAKS FUCKING ENGLISH. Plus their own language. And goodness knows how many more. And here I sit embarrassingly American and woefully monolingual.
We think we are so high and mighty. I've got news, America. The world knows the truth, an ever-growing ugly truth. We aren't what we used be nor are we what we pretend to be. Do the math - it's been more than seventy years since we've "saved the world". Increasingly, America is that guy who hasn't left his little hometown, who sits drinking at the local bar on Friday and Saturday nights telling the same stories over and over about the glory days when he quarterbacked the football team to a state championship. He's a laughing stock but no one tells him to his face. It's time to hang up the cleats and move on, America...er...I mean Bobby Jack. What once was will never be again. And you just look stupid.
We are no longer the best in the world at much and we need to acknowledge that (I can't tell you how many people - in America - were shocked we didn't win more medals than Norway in the recent Winter Olympics. Seriously. Norwegians are born on skis and we think we should beat them at anything involving snow?). In the meantime while we persist in our delusions, the world passes us by. And that's why I love to travel. If I stayed in America, I'd be prone to believe our own bullshit. When I step out into the world, I see things as they really are. I know, I know... I've just pissed off a good majority of my American readers (and since 99% of my readers are American...). Arguably, there are countries in the world worse off than America. I get that. It's just that many of them are developing nations that don't puff out their chests and brag about their greatness.
Ok, ok... Before someone from the embassy comes to confiscate my passport, I'm going to close this one out. Hej da fran Sverige!
*** Yes, I'm thankful I still can enjoy my First Amendment right to freedom of speech. ***
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