Reading Is...
I started reading again about a month ago. It was around the time I realize that I would more than likely get accepted and return to graduate school in the Fall. To study Liberal Arts. If I know anything about liberal arts (I do happen to have four years of first hand under graduate experience), it's that it requires reading. Lots of reading. The problem? Historically (by that I mean 'over the last decade'), I hate to read. So much, in fact, that 'hate' doesn't seem nearly strong enough to describe my absolute and utter derision of it.
And now I'm embarking on an adventure that will have me reading near constantly for the next two and a half plus years, longer if I decide to do the PhD. I know this begs one major question - Why in the Hell would I chose to go back to school and study liberal arts, of all things, if I hate reading so much? In my defense, I could have chosen to study literature. At least with liberal arts I might read something 'interesting'. Granted it'll still be reading but 'interesting' beats abjectly boring anytime.
My use of 'Interesting' was not accidental. I think the quotation marks are a great qualifier. Interesting is truly in the eye of the beholder and for me exists on a scale of 1-10, 1 being anything by Dickens,Shakespeare, or Sparks, 6 being a re-run of 'CSI', and 10 being playing tennis with my tennis peeps in Texarkana or a Happy Hour at Zapata's (also in Texarkana). These are certainly just examples and results may vary depending upon my mood and whether my serve is on or not. Most of my life hovers in the 6's. Work is usually a 5 but occasionally it elevates to a 7. The gym is seldom better than a 4, even when the Girl with the Golden Vagina is there (of course one day last week I caught her watching me and the next few minutes turned into a 8). The Hike and Bike Trail at Town Lake is my favorite place to run, but it still can't make running more than a 6. Baseball games are generally a 7, unless I'm there which may raise it to an 9. Eating is almost always a 7 and Mango Margarita Nights are usually upwards of 9. For ultimate reference, sleep is a 5, Facebook is a 4, and writing when inspired a 9. Writing when uninspired isn't much better than reading.
So where do I place Reading on the Interesting Scale? It depends a little upon the material, but I think I can safely say that the average is 2. Boring crap gets a 1 and anything halfway decent a 3. In truth, I'm being generous saying that the AVERAGE is 2. Boring crap by far outweighs the halfway decent stuff. Alright... If I'm being completely honest, every once in a (great) while something actually peaks my interest and I'm able to (begrudgingly) give reading a higher score. For example, I did enjoy the 'Millenium Trilogy' by Stieg Larsson. I'd say that most of the time I spent with those books was a borderline 6.
I fully expect school to be an entirely different case. I've never enjoyed academic reading. Never. I give it a 1 only because I have to give it something. This is why I started reading again - to condition myself to boredom. I can jettison anything else in my life that consistently performs that low, but I most certainly can't quit grad school. Not because I hate to read, I mean. I started with a novel a wee bit outside my usual genre (back in the day when I actually read, I enjoyed suspense/mystery books) and got roughly thirty pages into it before I sold it back at Half Price Books. I may have gotten fifty cents that I promptly gave to my roommate. What was the book? 'Wicked' by an author who's name I should remember but can't. It came highly recommended (as have all the books I've ever read a quarter of before deeming them too boring), but I simply couldn't weather it.
From there I decided to try a little academic reading on a subject somewhat interesting to me - God. It's not completely uninteresting but it sure does require concentration. Which is probably what I need to practice more than anything. I've been sloppy for the past twenty years. I didn't have to concentrate so I didn't. Realistically, why would I? Life doesn't require much concentration. I meandered and hoped a lot and got a lot. None of it was from sustained effort. What about my writing? That had to involve a modicum of concentration, didn't it? Not the way I do it. I find myself inspired, fire up the computer, write, do a cursory proofreading (by that I mean I run spellchecker), and I post. Let me assure you, if writing required concentration I'd have quit a long time ago.
So, I'm slogging through this book about the history of God and reading a biography of it's author. I'm trying, I really am. I've downloaded the Kindle app to my tablet and my iPhone so I can (feasibly) read anywhere. I can see why readers like it - no book to remember or lug around and you can read in the dark (which I find amazingly cool). If nothing else, it's a breeding ground for laziness. Since I've started reading a month ago, I've done less than I've done in ages. I tell myself I need to read and that's that. I read.
Most importantly in this nothingness, I've stopped writing. In fact, I'm only sitting here right now because of my conscious thoughts of neglect. I had to make myself. MAKE MYSELF? Do something that when I'm inspired can score a 9 on the Interesting Scale? I'd rather read and top out at a 3 at best? Weird.
If anything it makes the case I've been attempting to make for years. Because I write and publicly so, most people assume that I read and are flabbergasted when I tell them that I don't. They are even more flabbergasted when I tell them that I hate to read. I've always answered simply that I only have so much time with The Words and I'd rather write them that read them. If I'm being truthful, it's less about time, boredom, and concentration than it is about original thought. When I read I tend to 'parrot', meaning that my writing tends to sound like whomever I'm reading. My only saving Grace with graduate school is that the reading will be so monumentally academic that I won't dare parrot it lest I put myself to sleep while doing it.
Needless to say, the next few years are going to be tough. How will I balance life, writing, school, and reading? Above all, how will I handle the boredom? It's going to be a battle of wills that I'm going to need to win. I'm ready to acknowledge the inherent laziness that reading breeds in me and do my best to keep my thoughts and ideas mine. As with any issue, recognition is the first step to conquering it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my low tolerance for boredom, though. God bless. My life stands to go from a 6 to a 4, just because of graduate school. Oy. All I can do is hopoe for a couple pretty classmates or professors, have faith, and know that it'll all be worth it in the end. Maybe some day my life will be an 8 at worst. You never know.
And now I'm embarking on an adventure that will have me reading near constantly for the next two and a half plus years, longer if I decide to do the PhD. I know this begs one major question - Why in the Hell would I chose to go back to school and study liberal arts, of all things, if I hate reading so much? In my defense, I could have chosen to study literature. At least with liberal arts I might read something 'interesting'. Granted it'll still be reading but 'interesting' beats abjectly boring anytime.
My use of 'Interesting' was not accidental. I think the quotation marks are a great qualifier. Interesting is truly in the eye of the beholder and for me exists on a scale of 1-10, 1 being anything by Dickens,Shakespeare, or Sparks, 6 being a re-run of 'CSI', and 10 being playing tennis with my tennis peeps in Texarkana or a Happy Hour at Zapata's (also in Texarkana). These are certainly just examples and results may vary depending upon my mood and whether my serve is on or not. Most of my life hovers in the 6's. Work is usually a 5 but occasionally it elevates to a 7. The gym is seldom better than a 4, even when the Girl with the Golden Vagina is there (of course one day last week I caught her watching me and the next few minutes turned into a 8). The Hike and Bike Trail at Town Lake is my favorite place to run, but it still can't make running more than a 6. Baseball games are generally a 7, unless I'm there which may raise it to an 9. Eating is almost always a 7 and Mango Margarita Nights are usually upwards of 9. For ultimate reference, sleep is a 5, Facebook is a 4, and writing when inspired a 9. Writing when uninspired isn't much better than reading.
So where do I place Reading on the Interesting Scale? It depends a little upon the material, but I think I can safely say that the average is 2. Boring crap gets a 1 and anything halfway decent a 3. In truth, I'm being generous saying that the AVERAGE is 2. Boring crap by far outweighs the halfway decent stuff. Alright... If I'm being completely honest, every once in a (great) while something actually peaks my interest and I'm able to (begrudgingly) give reading a higher score. For example, I did enjoy the 'Millenium Trilogy' by Stieg Larsson. I'd say that most of the time I spent with those books was a borderline 6.
I fully expect school to be an entirely different case. I've never enjoyed academic reading. Never. I give it a 1 only because I have to give it something. This is why I started reading again - to condition myself to boredom. I can jettison anything else in my life that consistently performs that low, but I most certainly can't quit grad school. Not because I hate to read, I mean. I started with a novel a wee bit outside my usual genre (back in the day when I actually read, I enjoyed suspense/mystery books) and got roughly thirty pages into it before I sold it back at Half Price Books. I may have gotten fifty cents that I promptly gave to my roommate. What was the book? 'Wicked' by an author who's name I should remember but can't. It came highly recommended (as have all the books I've ever read a quarter of before deeming them too boring), but I simply couldn't weather it.
From there I decided to try a little academic reading on a subject somewhat interesting to me - God. It's not completely uninteresting but it sure does require concentration. Which is probably what I need to practice more than anything. I've been sloppy for the past twenty years. I didn't have to concentrate so I didn't. Realistically, why would I? Life doesn't require much concentration. I meandered and hoped a lot and got a lot. None of it was from sustained effort. What about my writing? That had to involve a modicum of concentration, didn't it? Not the way I do it. I find myself inspired, fire up the computer, write, do a cursory proofreading (by that I mean I run spellchecker), and I post. Let me assure you, if writing required concentration I'd have quit a long time ago.
So, I'm slogging through this book about the history of God and reading a biography of it's author. I'm trying, I really am. I've downloaded the Kindle app to my tablet and my iPhone so I can (feasibly) read anywhere. I can see why readers like it - no book to remember or lug around and you can read in the dark (which I find amazingly cool). If nothing else, it's a breeding ground for laziness. Since I've started reading a month ago, I've done less than I've done in ages. I tell myself I need to read and that's that. I read.
Most importantly in this nothingness, I've stopped writing. In fact, I'm only sitting here right now because of my conscious thoughts of neglect. I had to make myself. MAKE MYSELF? Do something that when I'm inspired can score a 9 on the Interesting Scale? I'd rather read and top out at a 3 at best? Weird.
If anything it makes the case I've been attempting to make for years. Because I write and publicly so, most people assume that I read and are flabbergasted when I tell them that I don't. They are even more flabbergasted when I tell them that I hate to read. I've always answered simply that I only have so much time with The Words and I'd rather write them that read them. If I'm being truthful, it's less about time, boredom, and concentration than it is about original thought. When I read I tend to 'parrot', meaning that my writing tends to sound like whomever I'm reading. My only saving Grace with graduate school is that the reading will be so monumentally academic that I won't dare parrot it lest I put myself to sleep while doing it.
Needless to say, the next few years are going to be tough. How will I balance life, writing, school, and reading? Above all, how will I handle the boredom? It's going to be a battle of wills that I'm going to need to win. I'm ready to acknowledge the inherent laziness that reading breeds in me and do my best to keep my thoughts and ideas mine. As with any issue, recognition is the first step to conquering it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my low tolerance for boredom, though. God bless. My life stands to go from a 6 to a 4, just because of graduate school. Oy. All I can do is hopoe for a couple pretty classmates or professors, have faith, and know that it'll all be worth it in the end. Maybe some day my life will be an 8 at worst. You never know.
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